Girl Meets the Mind of a Genius

Genius Meets Anxiety

Farkle (con)

Riley takes her hand off of my face and stands, "We should clean up your cut."

"Riley-"

"Farkle, it'll get infected."

"Riley please just answer me-"

She walks towards her bathroom, "Come on, let's wash it out."

I stand up and follow her.

"Okay, sit."

I sit on the side of her tub as Riley rummages around her medicine cabinet.

She puts anti-bacterial on a cotton ball and kneels down to face me, "This is going to sting."

Riley presses the cold but burning pad against my face and I flinch from the pain.

"Sorry," She dabs the cut before taking a tissue and drying it.

I can't stop looking at her. I can't stop seeing how beautiful she is.

I know she's uncomfortable because I'm challenging her to finally face her feelings. But she takes care of me anyway. What else would she do.

I admire her more than anyone. Her ability to see good in everything, her selfless heart, her willingness to do and be anything for anyone who needs it.

I'm in love with Riley Matthews.

"Farkle, are you okay?"

I'm going to do it. I'm going to tell her my feelings. I'm done lying and holding back from her.

"Riley, I love-"

I fall to the ground.

"Farkle!"

- the next morning -

 I wake up startled and jump out of bed.

What happened?

I'm in Riley's room, but where's Riley?

The last thing I remember was Riley cleaning out my cut.

I was about to tell her I love her.

Oh, that was it.

What do I do? What did I do? Where's Riley? What is she thinking? Should I leave?

I look at the window and consider leaving. I don't know what kind of awkwardness comes out of me staying. I don't know if I could look at Riley right now without completely passing out...again.

I start walking over when Riley crawls through the window.

"Hey."

"Hi."

I'm so nervous I can barely feel anything. Riley looks just as nervous as I do. I wish she didn't.

"How are you feeling?" She sits in the bay window and pats the seat next to her.

I sit next to her and sigh, "I could be better," I let out a little laugh, "I guess some things never really change, huh."

"It has been a while since you've done a classic Farkle faint," She smiles, "Why do you faint? We've never really talked about it."

"Yeah, I never really said anything. I guess I just didn't want to be seen differently."

"What?"

I take a deep breath, "I was scared."

Riley grabs my hand and holds it in both of hers, "Farkle, we love you just the way you are. Nothing could ever change that."

I've never told anyone about this. Everyone in our group seems to have their lives together by now. Deep in my heart I know they wouldn't even think about judging me. But how could I help myself but stay quiet?

Telling Riley is nerve-wracking enough, but the fact that she's holding my hand only adds more feelings.

My skin feels like it's tingling, which makes me nervous.

But, about to go into a hard conversation, I feel comforted. I'm reminded that it doesn't matter how different our relationship may get, I can tell Riley anything.

I use all of the bravery I have to take my other hand to place it on ours and begin talking.

"Do you remember when I was tested for autism in middle school?"

"Of course. You tested negative."

"Yeah, but some of the signs the doctors found from my character test made them want to keep talking to me. So they did, and they diagnosed me with something else."

Riley squeezes my hands, "What?"

"Anxiety. That's why I faint and get so nervous I can't speak. I've been taking medication since that day to control it, but it fails when I get really overwhelmed."

"And you were overwhelmed last night?"

I swallow, "I guess so."

She leaps over to me and wraps her arms around me, "Farkle, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I can't believe I did."

"I'm okay, Riley," I hug her back, "It's not your fault. I get in my head, that's just what anxiety is."

Her arms tighten, "Thank you for telling me. I'm always here. I'll always be your friend."

Riley's right. We'll always be friends. If we're anything more, we could ruin that. I have to step back for the good of our whole group.

"I'll always be your friend," I pull out of the hug and look right into her eyes, "No matter what."

Riley glances down at my lips, like she did the other night.

We can't kiss. There's no going back if we do.

But we're so close. I can feel her breath on my lips.

It'll ruin everything. Don't be stupid, Farkle.

I lean forward and slowly kiss her cheek. I can feel her smile as I do.

I pull back and rest my forehead on hers.

Riley is smiling wider than she has in a while. She's getting that Riley spirit back.

All I would have to do is lift my chin up. It would be so easy to kiss her. Why can't I just kiss her?

"Farkle," Riley whispers, "I-"

Mr. Matthews busts through Riley's door, "Riley are you up ye-, Farkle?"

We really do have the worst timing.

Riley quickly stands up and I fall off of the bay window and onto the ground.

"Hi daddy!" She says far too excitedly.

Mr. Matthews points between Riley and I, "What did I just walk in on?"

Riley and I look at each other and back up at Mr. Matthews.

"I never thought I would have to worry about you!" He says disappointedly and walks towards me.

Riley stands between us, "I was nowhere doing nothing with no one!"

"You fooled me once you will not fool me twice! I'm smart. Just ask Topanga."

Mr. Matthews walks over and puts out his hand to help pull me up.

"Thank you, sir."

He smiles, points at the window, "Get ouuuuuuuut!"

I hop out and sit on the ledge right outside.

I wish someone could take the past 24 hours and make sense of them all for me, because I'm lost.

The world has officially stumped a genius.