Girl Meets the Mind of a Genius

Genius Meets Denial

Farkle (con)

Silence.

We're all sitting together in this window in complete silence. 

"So," I clear my throat, "is someone going to say something or are we just going to sit here?"

Lucas raises his hand, "I think Riley should just choose who she wants to be with so we can move on."

Maya rolls her eyes, "Oh Huckleberry, don't act all high and mighty, pretending like you didn't drag Riley and me around for like three years before actually choosing who you wanted to be with."

"I'm sorry Maya, do you want to continue making all of Riley's choices for her or are you going to let her think freely for once?" Lucas snaps back.

Maya stands, "I cannot believe you're pulling this sh-"

"Stop!" Riley stands up and walks across the room.

I stand up and grab Maya by the shoulders to sit her down, "Why don't we all just sit down and talk like adults."

Maya glares at me as she sits back down next to Lucas. Riley walks back over to sit on the other side of him.

It's like a picture from eighth grade.

"Lucas is right," Maya glares at me, but I continue, "This is Riley's decision."

Lucas nudges Maya, who whacks him in return, "Huckleberry I swear you are lucky I'm going to be calm for Riley because otherwise I'd rip off your-"

"Maya is also right, we're going to be patient," I look over at Riley, who's staring down at her feet. 

"So how are we going to do this?" Lucas asks.

Maya calms down, "I think everyone needs to talk separately and then we can come back together for a little powwow. Good?"

Everyone nods. 

"I want to talk to Farkle first." Riley says quietly, fixating on her bed.

I look over at Lucas, "Are you okay with that?"

"Like you said, it's her choice. Let's go Maya."

They climb out of the window and start walking down the fire escape. 

I sit down and take a deep breath.

"Why can't you look at me?" I turn to face Riley, who's staring straight ahead.

"What do you mean?" She barely moves. 

"Riley, please," I put my hand on top of hers on the window seat, "You need to at least be able to look at me."

She looks down at our hands, "But if I look at you, it's real."

"What's real?"

"Everything that happened on New Years. I wish it never happened. That's not what was supposed to happen."

I smile, "I don't know Riley, that speech is going to go into textbooks. You do a great impression of your dad."

She smiles for one second before losing it completely, "I meant everything else."

I put my hand on her chin and raise her head up.

She has to look at me now.

Riley stares back at me, her eyes are red and watery. 

She's so scared of feeling. She thought she had it together and then everything changed. The stability she had was taken away from her. 

I wish I could fix it, but I can't.

"Riley, do you remember when we first met?"

She looks at me weirdly before smiling, "How could I forget? You saved my life."

I smile, "I saved your life twice."

She laughs, "I would still be bobbing for that apple if not for you."

Riley's smile fades and she looks at me confused, "Why are you asking?"

"You trusted me to help you do what was best for you. Do you still trust me now?"

"Of course I do."

I find all of the courage I have, "I think you should be with Lucas."

"What?"

I reach to hold both of her hands.

The smile Riley had is completely gone. She looks shocked and scared again.

"I'm not about to put you into another triangle. Lucas may have ruined that night, but he had a point. You never got the chance to be together."

"Farkle what are you saying? What are you doing?"

I'm protecting myself. 

I shake her hands, "If you settle for me now, you'll always wonder what would have happened if you tried to be with Lucas. It will only hurt more later. I don't want to get hurt, Riley."

"I don't want to get hurt either, but I don't understand why you're doing this."

Because being with her is too good to be true. 

Because Lucas showing up on that roof and confusing her means she's still confused.

I sigh, "Remember when I asked you and Maya to help me understand love?"

She nods.

"I want to help you understand love too. Sometimes love is letting go." 

Tears start rolling down Riley's cheeks.

"You let me go and I'm better off for it. I'm letting you go. Go figure out love, Riley."

Riley shakes her head, "But you were there, Farkle. You danced with me. You were about to tell me how you felt. I basically had told you."

I nod, "I know."

Riley lets go of my hands and instead grabs onto my upper arms.

I'm practically holding her. 

I don't want to let go, but I have to.

"Farkle, just tell me one thing."

"What?"

Riley tenses, "Do you love me?"

"I have since the first grade." She should know this.

"No," she shakes her head, "I mean really love me. Not the way you love Maya and me, the real way. The way that means something."

I feel my heart stop, "Of course I love you."

Everything freezes in that moment. We're both taking it in.

I finally said it, and she finally knows it.

"So why are you pushing me away?" She asks desperately. 

Saying this breaks my heart, "I'm not, I never would. I'm trying to push you in the right direction. Riley, I need you to trust me."

"How is it the right direction when it wasn't what was supposed to happen?"

"What was supposed to happen?"

Riley looks up at me with wide eyes, "Farkle, you know...."

I do know. I know that we were supposed to kiss. I know it would've happened if not for Lucas. 

"Riley, I know. But you have to understand where I'm coming fro-"

And she kisses me.