Blue's Rose

Chapter 30 Boys Will Be What?

Kool

Placing one foot in front of the other Kulap walked away from Blue. He didn't know what his problem was and he sure as hell didn't know why he was mad at Blue. He had no right to be. If anything, it should be the other way around, yet here Kulap was stepping further and further away from the place he most wanted to be, the person he most needed to be with, feeling right pissed off at Blue for daring to say those words to him.

'Should I cut my trip here short and leave? For you?'

Kulap gritted his teeth as those words replayed over in his mind. It was pretty ridiculous for him to be reacting so angrily. He was after all, the one engaged to be married. He was the one who had to keep them hidden. He was the one with the mother who had...

Kulap, having just reached his SUV suddenly slammed his hand down hard on the hood of the vehicle. He was so bloody furious he really didn't know what to do with himself.

Kulap bent over and lay his forehead on top of the cool metal.

He wasn't angry at Blue, he realized.

He was livid with himself.

Kulap placed his hands down beside his head and pushed himself up. His body felt weighted. The expression 'carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders' never felt more relevant to him and if he were not carrying the entire weight of the world than he was at least carrying all of Bangkok.

Pushing himself away, he reached into his pants pocket and withdrew the key for both unlocking and starting his car as he walked around to the driver's side and climbed in. But he just sat there for long moments. He turned the air condition temperature down lower, letting the cold air blast his heated face. He needed to calm down before he tried to drive. He didn't need to compound an already bad situation into something potentially worse. He could only imagine what his mother would say should he wreck after everything else.

His mother.

So many thoughts rushed in at the mere thought of her. As bad as she had been with him today, he wondered how much worse it must have been with Blue? Considering how she had talked about him, had Blue too been subject to that? They had never actually discussed what she had said other than the obvious. How bad had she hurt him?

Pictures!

Kulap lay his head back against the head rest and closed his eyes. According to Blue there had been pictures. Proof-type pictures which meant they had been of the personal kind. Kulap shuddered just imagining what they looked like. He had never felt more repulsed by his mother than he did now. What mother knowingly puts their child in that kind of compromising position of having someone follow them and witness, no not only witness, but actually document their personal intimate moments? Revulsion enveloped him and for a moment he thought he would need to open his door to throw up the little bit of food Blue had coaxed him to eat.

Taking deep breaths, he rode out the waves of sickness, breathing in carefully and evenly through his nose as he fought to remain in control of his body at least. His mind was a completely different story. He wasn't sure he could ever recapture what had been taken from him today. What Blue had been put through. What they had both lost.

First things first though, Kulap decided and the first thing was Blue. As much as he wanted to follow him up to his room and beg him for forgiveness, he knew that wasn't the best thing to do right now because he needed time to think and sort himself out. He needed to put some sort of balance back into his wavering equilibrium and he couldn't do that with Blue. Better yet he shouldn't. He didn't want to hurt Blue more than he already had.