Blue's Rose

Chapter 32 Boys Will Confess

Blue

Blue lay naked on his side, his hand propping up his head as he quietly watched Kool sleep half a foot away from him. Kool was laying sprawled on his belly, turned towards Blue his face smoothed out looking peaceful and angelic.

Blue wanted to let him sleep as long as he could. He knew when Kool woke the frown between his brows would return, his lips would lose their plump suppleness, and his eyes would lose their customary softness. It would all be replaced with tension, lines, and wrinkles caused by worry and stress. Though gorgeous no matter how he looked, Blue hated seeing someone as gentle and lovely as Kool in such turmoil. It made his head hurt and his belly hurt, and it absolutely crushed his heart to see his lover so lost.

But Blue had to admit to himself as he lay here watching Kool, he was quite angry too. He was angry at the situation, angry at his mother, angry at the unjustness, and he was... angry at Kool. Right or wrong, and it definitely felt wrong, he was frustrated that Kool didn't make more of a stand for himself. He was allowing his life to be dictated to and Blue just did not understand that.

His anger wasn't just about what involved him as well, but for Kool's life in general. Kool was a gay man and he was agreeing to marry a woman. How would that possibly end well, for either he or Mia?

Mia. Blue was just as aggravated by her as she was not helping the situation by agreeing to the marriage herself. These two people were so burdened by family duty that they were about to make a huge mistake that would most likely cause so much damage in time.

Blue could see how the two relied on each other. Their friendship was solid and strong but even the best of friends can become resentful over time. If the two of them ultimately lost each other by agreeing to this sham of a marriage, that would be a tremendous waste.

Blue knew how much Kool depended on Mia for her loyalty, warmth, and unconditional understanding. If Kool lost that Blue shuddered to think of the cold unfeeling man he could turn into. Because in the end, Blue would not be here. Blue would not be able to do a damn thing for him. And that cut Blue deep.

A profound sadness enveloped Blue. In just a few days he would be nothing more than a memory to Kool. He would never be able to return here. When he left it would be a permanent departure. How did a person prepare to leave someone they loved indefinitely? Blue simply had no clue.

What an idiot he had been! Thinking he could spend this time with him with no regrets and if he had them, he would deal with them later. Those thoughts had been utter stupidity. He had bullshitted himself into thinking this wouldn't come at any real cost. Who would they be hurting? Well, Blue knew now, he had really done a number on himself. He knew Kool, too would suffer. Had this all been worth it?

His eyes lovingly caressed Kool's sleeping face and his eyes fluttered down his naked length as his mind's eye remembered countless laughs, talks, and shared moments that were quite simply too precious to put into words.

Yeah, Blue thought with a tired sigh, his head nodding perceptively. It was fucking worth it!

The miserable gut-wrenching pain would come and he would have to learn how to live with it but he could not imagine having lived this life without this time with Kool.

The memories they had created, the time they had shared were something Blue would treasure always. He glanced own at his hip, the newly inked blue rose, and smiled. He would carry his memories like the small tattoo with loving fondness and a determined desire to never forget.