Blue's Rose

Chapter 34 Boys Will Be Found

Blue

Thursday afternoon Blue strolled along the beaches edge; his mind unsettled despite his body's casually relaxed outward appearance. There were so many things to think about, so much to sort through. Some of it good, some bad and some beautiful. This trip had been everything he could have hoped for. Almost everything.

But even then, he knew this trip would forever be the best one of his life.

He had found himself in Thailand.

Such a cliché thing to say. Single and alone on a trip of self-discovery in an exotic location blah, blah, blah...

But it didn't make it any less true.

A soft smiled tinged his lips as his bare feet splashed in the incoming surf as he walked. His hair fluttered in the ocean breeze; his loose button up cream shirt flapped in the wind.

He stopped walking suddenly and stared out over the water. He was unmindful of the striking picture he made to the other beach goers. His tall well-defined physique, tanned golden from the weeks in the sun, his jet-black hair and unique foreign eyes on an otherwise obviously Anglo face drew more than one glance. Blue gave meaning to the expression, eye candy.

Oblivious to all the stray thoughts and admiring attention around him, he absently watched the plundering waves. His mind, memorizing the sheer magnificence of his surroundings, continued to wander at will.

He would never forget this place. Not the beauty, not the friendly people, not the food, and not the man. No, never the man.

An innocent sweet offering of a blue rose had led him to this very moment. Four years of confusion and unanswered questions had resulted in him traveling over nine thousand miles to pursue the answers and the truth. The truth about himself.

For that, if nothing else Blue would be forever grateful for having made the journey. It had allowed him to be open and honest with himself. It had let him shake off conventional norms and really look into his own heart.

He had found in himself a man that could love another man, could make love to him and carry him in his heart. There was no shame or wrongness in this discovery. There was only all-encompassing love. He was a better person for having learned this about himself, and though the end, only a day away, would be crushing, he could not regret finding and revealing such an essential and fundamental part of himself.

His mind drifted forward and he thought of his parents and what if anything he would tell them when he got home. Learning and accepting that he was bisexual would be considered big news in his household. He really didn't think ether of his parents would be upset but he knew they would be surprised. Other than that year with Kulap when they had thought for a span of two hours that the boys were gay, Blue had never given them any reason to think about it again.

He had had two semi-serious girlfriends that his parents knew about but he had never taken them home to meet his parents. But still they had been girls. He had never eluded to finding men attractive or hinted that he felt pulled toward men sexually in anyway. He had kept his thoughts of Kool all these years hidden. They had been his alone to pull out and ponder over through the years, but privately, because half of the time he had not known what to think himself.

Though looking back on it now, the moment Kool had left the rose and Blue had learned the meaning, both his mind and body kickstarted in a way that should have given him a big clue. Most likely it had, but Blue had opted to remain in blissful delusional ignorance until now. Now he couldn't understand why he had felt the need to hide from himself all these years.