SEX ED (jikook)

Doesn't feel the same

Jen(POV)
Fuck, my head and arms are killing me, it feels like someone's drilling straight through them. If doesn't help that I feel like I wanna throw up. I mean the smell of antiseptic, medicine and vomit have me nauseous. And it's so cold, I can feel how thin the blanket I'm covered in is.

Wait this place, fuck. And here I was thinking that the place I was in was a club in heaven. I'm in a hospital right? The bright lights certainly fool ya before you actually kick the bucket make it seem like I'm not going to Hell.

There's a warmth though, so maybe I might just be greeted by the pearly gates. My hand is clasped tightly in someone else's. But it's too bright for me to open my eyes but at the same time. I need to know who this is.. fuck it.

Slowly I open my eyes, and I see.. her.

"Rise and shine sleepy head."

"Not sure I can shine may."

"Yeah, you look like shit."

"Thanks for the heads up."

"Anytime."

"Why are you here? Where's Aiden?"

"Don't pretend like waking up to my hand wrapped in yours isn't the most heart pumping thing that's happened this past few weeks."

"I'm not denying it may, I just didn't mention it."

"The very faint colour on your cheeks did that for you."

"Can we just drop this? Answer my question, why are you here?"

"Why do you want me here?"

"Who said that? What makes you so sure I want you here?"

"The fact that you conjured me up."

"Stop making me sound insane. Why are you here? Thought you would be pissed that I'm still breathing."

"Oh. We're jumping into that already, I thought
I'd wait a little before I ranted about how amazing Aiden's been to me. You know spare you the pain."

"Please, you don't care."

"I don't, honestly there were two reasons I came here really. And it was to well, tell you how happy I am and ask you something."

"Ask me what."

"Why are you so fucking useless? I mean you can't even kill yourself right!"

She chuckles, her light pink lips stretching across her face in a sickening bitter smile. Even now as she torments me she still holds endless amounts of beauty. Her hair gleaming pink shining a rose gold in the sunlight that poured through my window.

"I don't know. Guess I was born this way."

"Yeah no shit, I mean we've known each other for years yet you couldn't tell me how you felt? What kind of sorry excuse do you have for that?"

"I-i don't have an excuse."

"There you go owning up to it. Just like you should've that day I left your sorry ass, should've told me how you felt. That way, I could have rejected you straight up and you would have to live with a little less guilt."

"Maybe I should've."

"But if you just died like you meant to then you wouldn't have to live with any of this. Just saying."

"I know."

"So if you know, why don't you try again."

"May how about I ask you a question."

"Shoot. And by that I mean ask the question, but you could also shoot yourself either way is fine."

"Why are you still holding my hand? Why are you still tightly holding onto... me? Why do you still hold on if you hate me so much?"

"I'm not holding onto you stupid, I would never get my hand dirty. The one whose holding onto you is Jimin, he's the one sleeping next to you, I wouldn't dream of coming here and breathing the same polluted air as you. I'm at home sleeping next to the love of my life while your here so desperate that you imagined me up. Too bad that you'll never actually get to see me and this is the best you'll get. It's also too bad that our time is up. See you hopefully, never? Ta."

"Jen? Oh my god you're finally awake!"

I open my eyes for what seemed like the first time that day and look straight into the eyes of my best friend.

"Jimin."

"Oh my god you stupid shit how dare you do that to me! I swear did you even think about how I would feel? Even think about anyone else? How dare you be so selfish! So fucking stupid? It's Mays fault isn't it? Why are you wasting so much on her? Why is she 'worth' this? Do I not mean as much as she does to you? Is that why you would leave me and everyone else for her? God damnit Jen stop smiling like that! I'm trying to be mad at you!"

I hadn't realised I was smiling until I felt my my cheeks start to hurt from the stretch on a little at the dry skin patch.

"Sorry chimmy, be mad at me I deserve it."

"No you don't! And I'm mad at you for thinking that! Why are you making this so hard for me!"

He says pointing to himself as his eyes start to tear up.

"I swear today has been such a rollercoaster and you cant even let me vent! I'm just so emotional, is this what a period is like?"

"Usually we don't see our loved ones die once a month." I chuckle

"You better not be dead! If your dead and I'm dreaming then when I die imma find ghost you take you to your grave and shit on it in front of you!"

"You wouldn't." I gasp.

"Try me hoe."

Suddenly with both start crying and break down.

"I missed you so much, I missed us. Promise me you won't do this again, promise me you'll get over this, promise me that it'll all be normal again."

"I can't promise you that chimmy."

"Why is that."

"I thought you'd know this better than anyone."

"Know what?"

"It's hard for me to get over love, especially when you know that their the only one for me."

"Jen do you-

"Yes chim chim. I love her."

I see her in the corner of the room pink hair pulled back in a ponytail bits sticking out at the front, her lips firm in a straight line and her eyes void of any emotion or feeling as she looks right into my eyes. I feel tears trickle down my face as a bitter sweat feeling overwhelms me and clasps at my throat, lungs and heart.

I chuckle, a fake smile plastered on my face.

"Too bad she doesn't feel the same."

Kookie for mayo-
I love you and your tiny kindergarten chai r🥰😍