Vent

Goodbye best friend pt4

Dear best friend,
         I could go on all day about how confused and stressed I am about this whole thing. You meant so much to me and were the most important person in my life and I can't stand not knowing if I've lost you as a friend or not. But I really want to do what's best for me and all this stress isn't helping me. I just want to talk to you about this but I'm scared that if I do I'm gonna seem annoying and clingy and that might cause you to completely leave. But i don't know whats gonna happen in the future. All i know is that no matter what happens were both gonna move on with our lives, weather its for better or for worse. I don't really know what else to talk about besides the fact that i don't want this stress or these bad emotions to continue over such a small situation.  This may seem like "not a big deal" to you, but to me this is really hard. Because i made the mistake of getting too attached to someone that i had a feeling was gonna leave eventually despite you telling me thousands of times that you wouldn't. But i guess that's just how life is, "you care too little, they will leave. You care too much, you will scare them away". I guess that's what happened. Weather i cared too much or too little, you still chose to distance yourself in the end. I just wish i could go back to the time when we talked all the time and we joked all day. I wish i could go back in time to before i lost you. But things happen and things change, things never stay the same. 

                                Sincerely, your possible ex best friend, Alexander