Vent

Realization

Dear whoever,
     I just noticed something. As I'm sitting here by myself hearing everyone else in my family laughing and having fun, I notice why I feel the way I do. Even in the beginning my family always told me I'll be fine or to "suck it up buttercup" whenever something happened. But with my siblings they seemed much more caring and loving. So I grew up like that and got used to it thinking it was normal. But then I grew up and met him, my best friend. He taught me that the way I was treated wasn't  normal. He showed me that I should be cared about, loved, and treated the way my other siblings are treated by my parents. But the thing is, I also got used to the feeling of being cared about. So now that I don't really get that anymore I feel really depressed, I guess would be the term. It's really confusing but I'm just now realizing why I feel so neglected and ignored lately. Seeing as my birth giver had been pretty much ignoring me for the past few weeks I haven't had that caring or loving feeling in a while. I can't even remember the last time I got a proper hug from someone. The most I'll get from my family is a 5 second side hug that means nothing. I don't know if you understand the feeling I'm talking about. The feeling of having nothing, then eventually gaining something and getting used to having that something, then having it taken from you. It hurts more then it did when you didn't have that something. In all honesty I don't know what to feel anymore. But I do know what life is too confusing. I don't understand it but hopefully I will eventually.

                                            Sincerely, Alexander