Vent

In balance

Dear Alexander,
        Feeling neutral is the best feeling. Its like we have nothing to fear, nothing to worry about, and nothing to stress over. We feel relaxed and kinda free, I guess would be the term. But it's an amazing feeling. It's best to not worry about the future during these times and pay attention to enjoying the feeling as much as possible. Because it doesn't happen often, most of our day is spent stressing out and full of a whole bunch of overwhelming emotions. But the times where we can just sit and not have to deal with all of that are rare and special. Although that feeling in our chest like something is gonna happen never goes away sadly, but it is possible to lessen the feeling. I know all day we feel that odd feeling in our chest, like it's trying to tell us that something will happen, either that or we're just nervous that something is gonna happen. But whichever on it is, we can lessen the feeling and slightly ignore it when we're in that state of feeling completely neutral. Not too angry, not too sad, not too happy, and not too overjoyed. Just, calm and relaxed. As I said, we don't feel that way often, so cherish it and never let it go. It's good to have those completely neutral moments, if we didn't have those I'm more than 1000% sure we would have gone bat shit insane by now, we're surprisingly not already though but we are definitely close to it. We also have those days where we're on the edge, ready to snap at any second. Those are the days that we cross the line between calm and bat shit insane. Sometimes we don't notice when it happens, sometimes we do. But it happens, more often than one would think. But with living in this world 15 years we learn a thing or two about how to blend in with the background so people don't question us. We'll get into that whole story another time, possibly, but for now we'll leave it here.

                                      Sincerely, yourself, Alexander