Vent

Should I?

Dear Alexander and reader,
        Should I? I don't know. But there's 2 choices that could be made in this situation. 1) take the risk and shoot my shot without worrying about the outcome. And 2) sit back and not do anything. Each plan has its upsides and downsides. The upsides to the first choice is finally putting an end to all my confusion and the sleepless nights. But the downsides are possible rejection and fucking up our friendship. The upsides for the second choice are not having to worry about being rejected or messing anything up. But the downsides are the countless times I don't sleep at night because I'm trying to figure out what choice to make, possible disappointment, and never knowing what could have happened. You see the decision I'm stuck with here? I've been trying to decide what choice to make for a while now, and I feel like that finally needs to be put to an end. But I just don't know what I should do. The main thing stopping me is probably my anxiety and fear of rejection. But I'll never know what could have happened if I don't choose to find out now. Anything can happen at any second, so I would have to act fast on what ever decision I make. But it's just so confusing and frustrating. Should I shoot my shot?? But there's one more thing that makes this entire thing so much more difficult. The one I'm talking about, is my best friend. He means so much to me, even though we haven't talked much lately but I kinda blame myself for that. But thats not the point. He means the world to me, and I don't want to loose him. That's why this choice is so hard on me. I would love to be with him, but will me asking fuck our friendship up? I have no clue. But I guess I'm just gonna have to build up the confidence to ask. Or, if he's reading this I guess this is my way of asking him. Anyhoozy, I'm gonna attempt to get sleep, I'm probably not gonna be able to sleep because of this heavy decision weighing on my shoulders but it's the price to pay for someone you love.

                  Sincerely, your confused ass author, Alexander