Vent

Again

Dear mother,
      I think you forgot that I can hear you. Yelling in the house at early hours of the day. What was it that you said? Was it something like, "at least he try's. Which is more then I can say for my own kids" ? Was I not supposed to take offense to that? Because it seems I have. I don't think you understand how hard I try every single day. I'm even 3 fucking weeks clean! But yeah. We don't try. We put in no effort into anything. If that was the case how did Aaliyah just graduate high school? If that was the case how did Dami and Manny just get themselves a job? If that was the case how did I make it this far? I don't understand you mother. One moment you love us all and praise us. Then the next moment you talk about us as if we're the very thing you despise. Which raises the questions. How am I supposed to have the encouragement to do anything? How am I supposed to feel like you love me? How am I supposed to feel towards you? Let me explain that last one. With all the things you've said an done any other person would not like you and distance themselves. But I'm apparently not allowed to do that, as your kid. I'm pretty much forced to love you my entire life. Even if you do things to make my life a living hell. I just don't understand it. Is this really how I'm supposed to live my life? If so, what the hell is the point in living life then? When it feels like the same day repeating over and over again with no escape. Feeling the same things over and over again with no escape. Hearing the same things over and over again with no escape from you.

                             Sincerely, your SON, Alexander