Vent

The voices

Dear reader,
         Ya know, the voices almost never stop. They taunt me every second of my entire day and never give me a break. They want to push me to my breaking point. They want to push me over the edge. But for some unknown reason, I keep fighting. Every single day is a challenge for me, but I keep fighting. But to be honest with you, I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of trying to resist. I'm still trying to figure this out though, why? Why does my brain insist on fighting?? I'm so tired, but my brain keeps telling me "one more time" and it's been saying that for years. But there's always the good and the bad. My brain has been at war almost my entire life. One side wants me to just say "fuck it all" and just let things happen. But the other side wants me to resist and keep fighting. And I have no clue what to do. I have a habit of letting my emotions impact my choices and letting them pick what I say. I know it's a bad habit but I don't know what else to do at this point. The voices don't give me much of a choice. They don't give me much freedom either. I'm trapped, I'm trapped inside my own mind with no idea where the key would possibly be. I'm not "me" I'm just a vessel for the voices to control as they please. I'm pretty much a puppet to the voices. I can do nothing but obey the orders given to me. Resisting brings more problems and complications. It's really frustrating when I know there's not much I can do. But as I wrote, I'm nothing but a vessel for the voices to control, I'm trapped in my own mind with no way out. So I guess when you think your talking to me, your technically talking to the voices too. Because they hear everything.

              Sincerely, your bat shit insane author, Alexander