Silence Speaks (Book Two to Silence Series)

Nineteen

Two weeks later
"I thought I'd find you down here." I tilted my head over my shoulder and found Loki standing at the bottom of the lab steps. "Hey, I couldn't fall back asleep. I didn't want to wake you with tossing and turning." He walked across the room and I welcomed him into my arms. He sat in my lap and we sat in silence for a few minutes. "Have they gotten better?" I nodded slightly. "I've only been having one or two a week and they're not as terrifying." He shifted and put his legs around my waist, somewhat straddling me. "You don't have to lie to me Pete." I sighed and dropped my eyes. "They're so bad. Sometimes I can't tell if anything is real or not. I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up and this will be some sick illusion Beck was playing on me. That I never got to meet you, or make up with the team. And I hate that I'm like this. And I'm trying to be better, I'm trying to fix things and be normal again, I'm just so fucking scared that something else is going to come and knock it all down. I don't know what to do." He reached up and wiped away the fallen tears. "I'm going to talk to Sam and we're going to fix this okay? It kills me to see you so broken up about something out of your control. I love you and I know that it's hard to believe but I love you so damn much and that isn't going to change."

I sniffed and put my head against his shoulder. "I'm so sorry I'm a mess. I know we were making big plans." He shook his head and curled his fingers in my hair. "Never apologize for the things other people turned you into." And that's how we stayed, my head on his shoulder and his hands in my hair, legs around my waist. We stayed like that until Karen told us someone was outside.

Loki answered the door and I migrated to the kitchen, looking to make breakfast or even feel some bit of normalcy. "Hey Pete." I turned and Tony stared at me, his eyes worried. "You're here early." I coughed and looked down at the cup in my hand. "You don't have to hide your problems. You know that." I shrugged and sighed. "Old habits die hard." He walked further into the kitchen and grabbed my face. I looked up and saw the brown eyes now had taken the electric blue I hated so much. "Peter?" I jumped and the cup in my hand crashed to the floor. "Woah, Tony can you give us a moment?" Loki questioned and the older walked into the living room, no doubt still listening. "What happened?" I bent down and picked up the cup pieces. "Flashback, I don't know. It was like Wade had taken over Tony's body." Loki sighed and helped me off the floor, gently taking the broken glass from me. "I asked him to come see you two can talk. I don't know how to help, all my problems, I don't remember. He...well he's had experience." I nodded and looked at him. "Don't cry, it's going to be okay and I'm not mad at you." I wiped away the tears and he pressed a kiss to my cheek. "I'll make breakfast." He promised and directed me to the living room.

I sat down on the couch and Tony pulled me into a side hug. "I...I never had a chance to go through all the pain that Beck had caused because as soon as the shock wore off, I was arrested." My shoulders slumped and I put my head in my hands. "I messed up so bad and he nearly destroyed Europe with my mistake. He wanted the world's attention, to show them that the Avengers weren't what they thought they were. I got too caught up on the undercover vacation I was on that I didn't realize until too late. I gave the little piece of you that I thought I had left. At that point, I was so convinced that I lost everyone that losing Karen like that hurt. I was angry and I ran into the situation blind. My senses were off and I nearly died trying to warn Fury of my mistake. It was a miracle that Happy could have even been able to pick me up. I made the new suit and ran back at him. I figured I had nothing left to lose and if I died trying to stop him, it wouldn't be in vain. And I guess that stuck..." I shrugged and looked at the floor. "I thought I was going to die and I wasn't prepared for the chance that I wouldn't."

"Are you ready to try and sleep?" I lifted my head from my homework and nodded tiredly. "Let's go to bed then." Loki grabbed my hands and pulled me to the bedroom. "I'm scared." I admitted and Loki pulled me into bed. "I'm right here and I'm not leaving." I nodded and pulled off my shirt, leaving me in basketball shorts. "C'mere." I snuggled into his chest and he wrapped his arms around me, pressing his face against my neck. "You're safe. I promise."

I walked into the compound, having just come back from dropping Loki off at work. I pushed a hand through my hair and stepped out of the elevator. "You're late." Steve stated and eyed my windblown hair. "Oh cut the looks Steve. I dropped Loki off at work and forgot my helmet." I reached into the fridge for a beer. "You two are active, that's all I'm saying." I rolled my eyes and hoped up on the counter. "You should find someone. That way you stop commenting on my sex life." "Oh burn. He's got a point Rogers." Bucky high fived me and stole the beer in my hand. "You have no room to talk Barnes." I coughed out a laugh. "Barnes has a sex life." Bucky looked at me in betrayal and held a finger to his lips. "Oh...he doesn't know. Whoops." I pushed myself off the counter and stole my beer back. "I'm going to go find my kiddos." I patted Bucky on the back and he lightly punched me in the shoulder. I walked to Tony's lab and grinned at Morgan in her crib. I set my drink down and stole her, holding her in my arms. "You should really up your security." Tony jumped and I chuckled, holding Morgan close to my chest. "What're you doing here? I thought you said you weren't going to come tonight." I shrugged and handed Morgan to him. "I didn't want to be home alone."

"How did you sleep last night?" I smiled softly and grabbed my beer again. "No nightmares. Loki thought that joining you guys for dinner would be a good idea, he didn't want me isolating myself. I know the reason is he's afraid I'm going to try and kill myself. I won't lie and say the thought hadn't crossed my mind, but I don't think I could act on it." Tony sighed and gently set Morgan in her crib. "We've all had our moments Peter. You're not alone in this." I nodded, silently saying that I knew. "Now come on, Pepper would kill me if she knew that I was hiding Morgan from the bafoons." I chuckled and grabbed the baby before following him out of the lab.

"What do you mean he has an active sex life?" Steve asked when we walked into the kitchen. "Oh my god, what conversation did you have?" Tony gasped and took Morgan from me. "I made a comment and Bucky backed me up. I'm surprised you haven't noticed Steve." I shrugged and Tony made an 'oh' face. "Oh you mean wi-" I put my hand over Tony's mouth and Steve furrowed his eyebrows. "How could he? He shares a room with Sam a-Oh...o-oh." I snickered and Steve threw a pasta box at me. "It's not funny!" He yelled and I yelped, moving out of the way to avoid the box, that was still full of pasta. "I'm telling Tasha." His face whitened and I ran from the room. "No Peter wait!" I ran into Sam and Bucky's room and put my back to the door. "Why are you running from Steve?" Sam asked and I chuckled. "He just now figured out you two have a thing." I motioned between Bucky and Sam and they both went wide eyed. "Peter! He's going to kill us." Sam hissed and I shrugged. "Should've told him sooner. Besides, it's not like he has any authority over you two. And he should've realized it sooner, I mean you two share a room and sleep in the same bed. I know for a fact that you two don't have PTSD dreams every night to be clinging to each other every night. And Sam, you have pictures of Bucky all over your office. It's pretty tellable."