Someone That I left Behind

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Nine

I saw the person clearly now.

Too tall. Am I too small? Or was it him that became too tall? If he moves closer, would I know the difference? Obviously. Even from before, no matter how much tip toeing I'd done, still I couldn't reach his height.

Too buff. The baby that used to put his chin on my shoulder was no more. His features were too manly to be called that. He seemed liked he'll be able to carry me in one hand. God, why am I thinking about that ! Stop Nai!.

I saw the sling on one shoulder. Someone was knocked by an elephant. Had I known it was him at that time, I would find it distressing, liked, what I felt now. There's this urge to go and hug him. To kiss every little pain away.

I had always loved hugs. It sent the signal of comfort and security. But Joong was no longer a baby, and I was no longer someone that could do that without feeling anything. What did I use to feel? I couldn't remember.

We just did it unconsciously liked friends, or brothers. Bros, that word caused so much confusion between us, set the unseen boundaries that I was so afraid to cross, made me walked on eggshells, mind the things I said and the expression I projected to the world.

But right now, there's no one other than us.

P'Mook and P'Mhee had given us the space we needed.

P'Mook claimed to have a major headache, although I knew it was the truth, that didn't stop me from giving her a stubborn ox's look that said, we'll talk later.

P'Mhee just suddenly declared as Joong was on holiday, he should be free to do and go wherever he pleased without a manager in tow, leaving me a giant, wounded person to take care of. Liked a diva, he left as soon as he arrived too.

So, what now? This is too awkward.

Should I just run to him? Just smile? Or should I be more guarded?

What to say to someone whom you didn't talk to for so many years?

"How come you couldn't see such a big elephant?" the first word I said was nothing but a sarcastic remark.

Joong just smirked, "Because I was busy on my phone, asking about a sick sassy small cat".

Yup, now I remembered how it felt. Annoyance.

Joong

We were standing too far.

I wanted to be closer, wanted him to baby me even a little. But all I got was his nonsense remarks.

Though I didn't complain anything to P'Mhee or the crew to not alarm them more than what they saw, this injury was really painful. The injured area started to swell more after time even with limited movements.

"Ermmm, not an excuse, but can we go upstairs. It was uncomfortable, I mean, my shoulder. Not.. us".

"I didn't agree on anything, you shouldn't sleep here, there's a good inn nearby, let me call a taxi".

"If you can't let me go upstairs, then fine, I'll just rest here on the sofa. Don't call a taxi, I won't go anywhere else".

"Stop being a 10 years old!"

"Really? Just 10?", I walked towards Nine in a few strides. "Want me to prove that I grew up more than that? I will accept at least 18, just liked I was 10 years ago", I was a bit hurt being called a kid, so I snapped at him. To him, would I ever be more than a sulky child?

He closed his eyes, turned his face to the side and drew a heavy breath, "I'm sorry..", I heard him said.

"Hmm. You can go now if you want to. I'll just stay here", I said and walked past him towards the sofa.

"I have no spare bed to let you sleep on, being huddled up... in a single bed, with your height, it will be..... uncomfortable". I could hear the hesitation in his voice. I forgot, people changed throughout the years. We were nothing but stranger as of now, he might not feel at ease around me anymore.

"Yeah, like we never did that before, right?", I said without looking at him. I didn't intend to, but it came out harsh.

"Why are you angry with me?"

"No, I'm not. This is not anger Nai".

"Then what was that?"

"Rejection. I feel rejected. We both are too tense to have a decent talk. So, just go. I don't want to say another wrong thing to you. And please.....".

"Please, what?"

"Don't disappear on me again. I'm really gonna lose my mind this time".

There's a looming quietness after I said that.

I refused to turn to see him leave. After the sound of his footsteps vanished, I just laid on the sofa and cover my eyes with my right arm.

I expected rejection, but that didn't make it less hurt.