Someone That I left Behind

Fake Happiness

Nine

The number of customers today were more than usual. The front of house was short of hands. So, although weekends supposed to be my off days, I couldn't just sit around and let them running around without rest. I helped to clear the tables for the next customers to come in.

P'Mook was right. The café became popular after the movie was released just a few months back. It had been a year since the actual filming took place. Most of them were fans of Joong, locals and tourists that came from different countries, just to take photos of the place once used as a filming site of the popular actor. Yes, Joong once again won the most popular actor for the fourth year.

I didn't search for anything regarding him after he left. But, occasionally, the staffs were talking among themselves since they knew him when he was here. They just knew him as my friend, so they used to casually talk about him to me as well. P'Mook never mentioned anything about Joong to me anymore, not that she was hating Joong, but a few times that she wanted to tell me things, I just shook my head that signaled to her that I didn't want to know anything.

While clearing the tables near the window, I could hear the next table that were full of college students, were gushing about Joong and his latest gossip. It seemed, Joong was seen going out with a popular actress, Thalia. And it was not the first time they were seen together too. When other fandoms cried in frustration when their artists were found out to be in a relationship, this fandom rejoiced in it. Finally, they said. Finally, Joong was caught in a dating scandal, after being so secretive for the last 10 years. Thalia was known for her beauty too, so it was said to be "match made in heaven" since they looked good together.

I was supposed to be happy for him. He really did go and live his life well; became more popular and having someone to be with too. But then, what I felt after listening to the news, was a stabbing pain in my heart. I laughed a little. Part of my mind was replaying his word, that he couldn't love another because his heart stayed with mine. I shook my head. It was just a metaphor, you silly Nine!. Nobody could live without feeling anything. Love was liked that too. Sometimes, it just happened when you least expected it.

I took a deep breath and brought the dirty dishes back to the kitchen and smiled to the kitchen staffs too. The staffs persuaded me to stop, said the rush hour had gone by, and practically pushed me out to rest. I laughed at their concern, took my apron off and went out of the café to walk aimlessly at the sidewalk.

I felt empty. If not because of work, I think my mind would go crazy. What I said to Joong was the truth, it became harder to sleep after I was used to kiss and be kissed back by him. Damn that guy for making me craved for it. I was fine in the 9 years before him, but lost it after only a mere week with him.

After half an hour, my feet stopped in front of a bookstore. My eyes were stuck on a magazine's cover of a very beautiful young actress, Thalia. I bought the magazine unconsciously, didn't know why. Maybe just to torture myself more. I found a seat at the nearest park, and read the section on her. A mix parentage of Thai-American, her beauty was almost flawless, serene. She was the youngest in the family. She joked that her father wanted to have another child so much that he prayed at every place of worship he could find, so that's why she had a 10 years age gap with her brother.

Since I won't search on anything about Joong anymore, I tried to find any connection of her and Joong from the article, whether a movie, or drama or a work relation. There it was, they were the brand ambassadors for the same telco company. I saw one of Joong's billboard in the city. So, that must be how they'd met. Through work. I closed the magazine and looked up at the blue skies.

Forgive me Joong, for feeling a bit jealous of her. Maybe, it will take me longer to forget you, but in time I will. I keep telling myself, as long as you're happy, it's alright. Everything will be alright. Yet, even after a year, even after cutting you off from me, I can't help but feel liked a liar whenever I tried to convince myself that. All I really want to say, the only thing I wanted to say is I miss you Joong. I love you.

My eyes felt prickly, ah, it's just the wind, or the light.

Yet again I lied.