Someone That I left Behind

The Call

Joong

We arrived at almost 10. My clothes were damp, so did Nine's. Luckily, the bundle that I bought were secured in the bags from the rain.

As we just entered the room, a message came in.

Joong, did you meet Nine?

[Yes P'. Why?]

Thank goodness. Where are you now?

[Just arrived. Need to change clothes. Soaked in the rain]

Alright. Nine didn't have lunch, and ran to you at dinner. If you didn't grab anything at the market, please bring him down to eat. P' kept the food in the fridge, just reheat it. Good Night.

Nine had not eaten. He must be starving already, yet he never said or showed anything.

The irritation that I felt when I thought he avoided me, now seemed too petty. One time too many, I acted first and regretted it later.

"Joong, come here." I went and looked at what he pointed at.

A bag of travel mattress, blanket and pillow were placed on the floor. With a note attached to it : "Grandma said, these will be on loan indefinitely. p.s : or until you buy larger bed- Mook". Nine just shook his head and smiled.

"Ah, aren't you cold? Go and shower first, you were soaked longer in the rain. Your shoulder must be numb by now. It will hurt more if you sleep on this, not thick enough to absorb your weight. So, take the bed, I'll sleep...".

I hugged him from behind. His words were cut off and I could feel him frozen in shock. I closed my eyes, buried my face on his hair, took a deep breath and let it out haggardly.

"Thank you. And I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. After all these years, I understood now, why I could never guess the distance of you and me. I always see thing from my side, only my feeling, only my need, only what I want. But you...you put me first, again and again, and left yourself dry. I could blame my youth back then, but now...now, what excuse do I have? Nothing. Just plain selfishness. So, stop, Nai. Please stop thinking about me and rest...I'll move out", I released my hold on him.

Nine took a deep breath, turned, and immediately knocked my head with his knuckles.

"Ouch, what was that?!".

"Stop blurting out movie scripts, will you? Didn't I already ask you to stay? You don't want to sleep on the bed, fine... the whole floor is yours!", Nine said that, took a towel, his clothes and entered the bathroom.

Nine

I closed the bathroom door. The pressure in my chest couldn't be contained anymore. I pushed the shower on and stood underneath. Silent tears flowed down my face liked a river. Tears that I stubbornly tried to hold since yesterday;

the moment he came back and called my name;

the moment I saw him hurt;

the moment I heard him cried;

the moment I felt lost searching for him in a sea of people;

the moment he held my hand;

the moment he hugged me.

I realized; nothing had changed. He affected me then, affected me now.

I cried not because of grief. Sometimes, you just need to cry to let it all out. To feel empty... and then, start anew.

******

The hot shower helped to soothe my emotion a bit.

I went out, and saw Joong's shirt and pants that were scattered on the floor. But he was nowhere in the room.

Damn! Damn! He really left. My mind was blank for a moment.

I reached for my phone and called. Ringing.

Pick up! Please pick up and answer, Joong!.

The line went dead.

And, I ran out of my room.

Joong

The coldness did affect my shoulder. When the numbness gone, the throbbing began. I was still in my wet shirt, and Nine was in the shower. No other way. I gritted my teeth and tried to get it off by myself. Done. But, my eyes watered and I almost let out a loud curse. The throbbing worsened.

If I waited until Nine finished, and showered next, by the time I was done, it will be too long for Nine to starve.

The thought of putting on another shirt, and then needed to take it off again since I had not taken a shower, no, just no. I'd cry out of pain. The kitchen would be warm enough. So, I just changed my pants and went down.

I took the food from the fridge and put it in the microwave. Just as I was about to take the hot food out, the phone rang at the same time. Out of habit, I immediately used my left hand to reach the phone that I put away while using the microwave. A shooting pain caused me to lose my grip and drop it on the hard floor. Cracked and blacked out. The phone died.

It took quite a while for me to ease the pain first. When it's bearable, I picked up the phone from the floor, looked at the crack, and tried to configure if I could switch it back on first. Nine's picture. Nine's number. That was the only thing in my mind at that moment.

I stood up and saw Nine coming in at the door, chests heaving, liked he ran to get here.

He walked slowly towards me. "Ah, you are on time, I just...", my words unfinished. 

Nine hugged my waist, and rested his forehead on my chests. He took a deep breath and another, but couldn't hide the broken sobs that started to escape. Nine is...crying?

"Don't disappear...please...or I'm gonna lose my mind too".

I don't know the reason. I don't need one.

All I know, Nine just break his silence. And here I am.