Someone That I left Behind

Savior

Joong

I woke up late. Nine was nowhere near me. This was his work day.

I showered and went down. P'Mook hushed me to the kitchen to eat my late breakfast. The kitchen staffs already familiar with having me there. It seemed they were immune to my celebrity status, and I liked that very much. I was treated liked a normal person, a friend of Nine, a nong to P'Mook. No wonder Nine loved it so much here. People were kind and understanding.

After breakfast, I went to P'Mook and asked her again to help me call for taxi. I needed to get my phone from the store. This was already the third day, as promised. While waiting for the taxi to arrive, I talk a bit with P'Mook since this was not yet rush hour.

"This place is nice P'. It has been so long that people actually talk to me so casually. Unless I am with my friends, everybody else treated me too carefully, sometimes it is uncomfortable and awkward".

"It is a price to pay, being famous Joong. P' is glad that you seemed unchanged from the past, only taller and more mature. But, you need to tone down your sulkiness still, how old are you now to still sulk at Nine, aiiii". P'Mook pinched me lightly.

"Not fair. You should not be biased. He only spoils me when I resorted to sulking P'. Else, he pretended liked he's allergic to affection".

"Well, that's quite true too. But Joong, P' can vouch, that guy is one, kind, caring ball of fluff, but from the outside, he looked like a prickly porcupine. With Nine you need to look deeper, read his intention more than what he projected".

"I know P'. In this life, I'll forever be in his debt".

The taxi arrived just then. I was about to say goodbye to P'Mook, when suddenly P'Mook asked me to wait.

"Joong, do you know this person?"

I looked at the picture in P'Mook's phone. Mr. Kla?

"When was this P'?"

"Yesterday, about an hour after you left. He asked to see Nine. P' thought that he looked familiar, liked someone that sometimes be on TV, but I couldn't remember his name, so definitely not an actor".

The taxi honked to call me to attention. I said goodbye to P'Mook and got in the car. He must had known that I was out of the place, since he dared to come on his own. The talk that I had with P'Mhee at the sanctuary, came back to my mind.

"What the hell is going on here...P'Mhee?. Weren't you supposed to be in Bangkok now?"

"Let's find a place to sit privately first Joong. The rainstorm is harsh in this area. You can't get back immediately too. The road will be muddy and flooded. Asked your driver to rest somewhere first".

We went to sit at the far end of the seating area.

"You still haven't answered the question. What are doing here?"

"I was here since that day and yet to return to Bangkok. I lied to you on purpose".

"For what?"

"To buy you time. So that you could be together with Nine".

"Yes, I'm trying. He still doesn't accept me, yet".

"That's not it. Joong, Nine has been in love with you since forever, so there's never a question of acceptance".

My eyes blinked rapidly to that statement. I knew how I felt about Nine, but throughout our time together, he's reluctant to let his heart open. So, I was afraid to believe that he loved me the same way too.

"Even if it was true, you knew it too P', that I blew the slim chance away, no surprise that he gave up on me". I said the last words quietly, I didn't want to believe that Nine gave up, but I'd done what I'd done. Out of foolish pride, out of hurt.

"Not to say that you're not wrong, but you're young, that's the only way you knew how, to hurt him back. But, hadn't you wondered, how weird it was that suddenly, after the project's dismissal was approved, Nine became distant, pushed you away, even rooting for you to be with someone else?".

"Because I was crazy and avoided him liked a plague, who wouldn't be pissed off , P'", I said that bitterly and laughed at myself.

"Joong, if anyone out there that is willing to hold you even if you said you'll kill him, it's Nine. Nine... knew about your condition".

I raised my face and looked at P'Mhee, unblinking.

"No, I didn't tell him. The final night that he saw you, he came to me after. He was always that Joong, observant, perceptive. Even though he was young, his maturity went beyond his years. He pretended that he didn't know, because you were so adamant of not showing it to him".

"Was that what you'd been keeping all these years? He came to you? He knew? You of all people should tell me about that P'", I said that frustratingly. My heart was thumping hard, badly.

"He wanted it that way, Joong. I promised Nine, just liked I promised you, that I wouldn't tell. I kept both promises. But, just liked you, I never expected that he'd suddenly be gone, vanished from all of us. Even when the higher up warned me repeatedly, I still help you to find him not just for you, but for my atonement too. When I think about it after he's gone, Nine was not himself, but at the time, my focus was all on you, and I failed to look carefully at this change. I should have realized; something was badly off".

"Something...was off?", my head was trying to remember back the time it was years ago. It was a difficult period in my life, so most of the memory was already forgotten, it was what the doctor kept telling me, to let it go, to forget.

"After my talk with you in the dance room, you're brought to seek help. Then, a week after, P'Toei and I went to see Mr. Kla, to try to persuade him to let you off from the project with the support of your medical report. To be honest, we were not sure if that could be done at all, but we must try. For someone that was always so rigid in his decision, we were surprised when Mr.Kla agreed, with a condition that your contract years would be extended, since the company acquired a huge lost due to the breach of contract's compensation. P'Toei couldn't thank Mr. Kla enough for his understanding, but not me. I had a bad feeling that the tiger wouldn't just simply change its' stripes in one night. But I got no evidence to hold against him. Although I was weary of working for people liked him, I stay to protect and take care of you, just as what Nine had wanted me to promise him, too".

Mr. Kla, someone that gave me his full attention, nurtured me in his own brash way to let me be the star that I am today. Although sometimes I felt kind of trapped, but I was willing to see it in his point of view and worked hard for the company, as a compensation for what he'd done. Am I feeding a vicious snake all this time?

"Joong, I'm afraid, that it was not simply just a heart break that pushed Nine far away from you. Nobody runs this long, so far because of a heartache alone. This is not a time of Shakespeare, for god sake! But, I also believe, no matter how hard you push, Nine won't ever say a word, most probably he'll choose to be gone again. We can't risk that. My bet is, his silence is because he's protecting someone more important than himself...you".

Anger. Anger was boiling in my blood. I was angry at Nine. Why should he sacrifice in my stead, and how huge was the price that was paid? I was angry at P'Mhee, for keeping me in the dark all these years, though he had suspicions. I was angry at Mr. Kla, for playing an angel, if he really was a devil. I was angry for being treated liked a porcelain doll; pretty, precious but too fragile; that everyone needed to protect me, and hide me from the truth.

And most of all... I was angry at myself, for being so blind and stupid, till I couldn't see that all these times, Nine is showing love, back then and even now, yet all I could see is his rejection.

"Thank you, P', for telling me this. I won't let him take the fall again, but I need your help too".

"Anything, P' will do anything. This battle won't be easy to win alone, Joong. Huh! I can't wait for the day to kick the old tiger out on his butt!".

My mind turned dark, not into a mess, but with the intention to slay the devil.