Someone That I left Behind

Fighter

P'Mook

I locked my phone as soon as I heard Nine's voice calling me to attention. The entertainment news just reported that Joong and Thalia almost confirmed to be in a relationship. A series of pictures of Joong leaving her house had spread liked a wildfire in just overnight. Before this, all their pictures were taken in public places, so this new discovery had brought another round of talk.

"Nai, anything?", I asked nervously. Did Nine see the same news too? But he had stopped looking, searching or talking about Joong since their fallout last year.

"Why do you look shocked to see me,P'? Any problem of the café that I need to know?".

"No, no. Nothing. Everything is alright". I tried to pretend cheerfulness as usual.

"Hmm, the last time you're being this jumpy, you shot a distorted cupid's arrow behind my back. I'd let it go caused you played dirty and used grandma's food as a buffer. So, what now, P'? Shoot!".

I sighed, raising my white flag. I never master the art of subtlety, and this guy was too observant.

"Will you hear what I wanted to say or not, Nai? The few times that I'd try, you didn't want to listen". Nine just looked at me and nodded.

"Joong was rumored to be in a relationship with an actress, Thalia".

"Yes, I accidentally heard about that, his fans were here yesterday and gushing about that. So, it's not a surprise anymore, P'".

I didn't know how to tell him the recent news, so I just handed him my phone and replayed the same news that I'd watched just now. Nine face was devoid of any expression. He watched till the end, and handed my phone back.

"Are you okay, with him... being in a relationship?", I asked tentatively.

Nine took my hand and squeezed as an assurance. "P', it's good that he moves on. For 10 years, he was stuck waiting for me, even though I was the one who left him without an explanation. I never expected him to do that, and felt guilty nonetheless. But let just say, in the end, we just couldn't match".

"Then why don't you do the same, Nai? If you are so convinced that he has moved on, then shouldn't you do the same? All P' saw is that, you're keeping yourself close for anyone else. So, where will that put you? Waiting for him to come back?", I said, a little frustrated. For a week, for just a week in all those years that I had known Nine, I saw life coming back into his eyes. No matter how he pretended to have a distaste for affection, but he glowed when he was showered with it, from the right person, from someone that loved him so much and he silently loved back.

The next day, after Joong had left, Nine went down and greeted me as always. Nothing was amiss if one just looked at his demeanor, but yet the loss of life from his eyes was a clear indication that he was back to being on his own again. All he said to me was, he would return the mattress set that was loaned, back to my grandma's house after work. It killed me, not knowing what had happened for the sudden fallout, again. But, I respected Nine enough to just let it be, and support him if needed.

"P', it's not that I close my heart for anyone else. I just don't feel it is right to be with someone when my heart is still not vacant, whether the other person has moved on or not. Feeling is just that confusing, P'. I know you mean well, but stop worrying for me, okay? I am not that fragile to break easily. But, just to appease your worry, yes, I do feel hurt, a bit. I am still human anyway. But nothing that this small body can't bear".

I wanted for him to be happy. Real happiness. Like he said, I am human too, and my fragile heart break every time I saw him try to bear such a heavy burden for so long. I tried to smile back at Nine, and cursed Joong a little bit (forgive me Joong) for moving on that fast. But who am I to say, I am never in love, so that confusing feeling that Nine said was so out of my grasp.