Someone That I left Behind

Lie

Nine

"Would you do Chen?"

My eyes were bulging. Did Pavel really ask that? Did I mishear?

I tried to distract and withhold from answering, but to no avail.

What should I do? What is the best answer to give.

Why in hell am I thinking too much, this is just a game. 80% of the time, the lie detector electrocuted anyway.

"Yes", yet I answered without wavering, but the machine chose to sing a happy song.

Everybody was laughing and clapping happily.

"The machine is random..it's random", I kept repeating it after that.

I lied. Random or not, I liked that it agreed with me.

[You two look like a couple].

"A couple..nah.. we bicker too much".

[Do you love Joong?].

"Yes.. as a brother".

[What is Joong to you?].

"He's my bestfriend...no..not a boyfriend".

I lied. He was everything... and more.

"P', about Hua Hin..."

"Yes, the booking already completed, why?"

"I book a flight... to Turkey. I miss my mom too much".

"Oh.. okay."

"Really? You're not mad ? I should have discussed about this with you, but they got an offer price and that is the only time available between our packed schedules".

"It's okay Joong, you can arrange anything and make you own decision as you see fit".

"But, Hua Hin?"

"I'll go with my family, so, it's okay".

I lied. I was not okay, not because he chose to be with his family, but because I really wanted to spend that holiday with him.

"Why are you crying? Here, tissue, your snot is running down", Mila was laughing at my breakdown.

"We walk too much, it's cold and I'm tired", I answered without looking at Mila, while hiding my face on my forearms that were placed on the table.

Mila just laughed more. We were in Korea, a last-minute planned vacation.

"Be honest with me, you punk, I'm your sister".

"I'm just tired, stop bugging..."

"Tired? Or feeling guilty to someone for leaving so soon after he touched down?"

"We'd met in the morning at Motive House, he knew about this already and looked alright anyway, so what should I feel guilty about?".

"Tsk,tsk... you don't even believe your own words brother".

I lied. We'd met and he was not okay. I couldn't look at his eyes most of the time. I owed him no explanation, yet I felt like I slapped him hard when his eyes dimmed after I said we would fly today.

"P', I'll be gone for a few months for work".

"Okay".

"Just that, nothing more? No I'm gonna miss you bad or call me everyday?"

"For what ?".

"Really P'?.. I'm gonna sulk if it is like this!".

"Suit yourself, you got a new partner anyway, be clingy with her".

"Are you.... jealous?".

"Jealous my ass. I'm too happy. No one to bother me so much anymore. This bed will be more spacious and I will have a lot of free time to spend with my friends too".

"You're mean P'", Joong said that and turned his body away to not face me.

I tried to pull him around, but he refused and kept his body rigid.

"It's almost midnight, Joong". We had an agreement. To solve every misunderstanding before the day end. But, he remained rigid.

I moved closer, put my hand around him and pressed my face on his back and closed my eyes. This was a truce offering. He still said nothing. But before the clock turned to twelve, I felt him turning around, laced his fingers with mine, squeezing lightly. I was forgiven, yet again. This boy had a sensitive soul which I liked to tease a lot, but sometimes my hot headedness messed up my words. 

I lied. I want his time, badly. I felt lonely when he's not around, badly. I was jealous, badly. But this tongue stayed tied, and all I could do was to hold him tighter. And then midnight fell.

I opened my eyes when I felt the coldness that touched my face.

The lovely face of P'Mook appeared, looking down and smiling at me.

So, it was just a dream, the feeling of holding that someone; liked so many others that visited me over the years.

But, yet, this one was so vivid, almost life like, the velvety voice, the breath that was  warming my skin, the comforting hug and stroke .... and the heart, it was beating under my palm.

I was happy to see P'Mook, but my eyes were suddenly blurry. Am I crying?

"Uyyy, it's rare to see you be such a baby. How many times I told you to tell me when you are sick?"

"I saw him P', he was just here, holding me", I tried to say this with a smile but uncontrollable quite sobs escaped my lips, my chest, it felt too tight and was about to burst.

"You're sick. Don't think too much. Sometimes, we dream because we wanted something so much". I wanted to say to P'Mook, it's okay to be sick, it's okay to sleep a little longer, as long as I'd be caught longer in that endless dream.

I lied. For the first time, I didn't want to dream anymore.