I was watching the nutcracker the other day, and there was a ninja in the seat behind me.
She was using her ninja kicking and talking powers to annoy the hell outta me.
So I was sitting there, I didn't even know she was there, and then she starts going
"Mommy, are they pretending to dance?"
"Mommy, did they pretend to break the pretend toy?"
"Mommy, are they pretending to be sad?"
"Mommy, is this a no-talking play?"
And best of all, she literally said
"Mommy, are they pretending to sit down?"
That's when a certain voice in my head lost it.
"NO, FREAKING CHILD! THEY ARE NOT PRETENDING TO DANCE! THEY ARE ACTUALLY DANCING! AND HOW THE HELL DO YOU PRETEND TO SIT DOWN? THERE IS SUCH A THING AS DOING SOMETHING IN REAL LIFE!"
And her mom answered every question with
"I don't know, honey. You tell me!"
"NO, 'MOMMY', TELL YOUR CHILD THAT SHE SHOULD SHUT UP AND TELL HER THAT PEOPLE CAN SIT DOWN, IN FACT, YOURE FREAKING DOING IT RIGHT NOW!"
Then the kid shut up and the voice in my head calmed down.
And that's when the kicking started.
Kick.
Music.
Kick.
Music.
Kick.
Music.
Me and pandalov3r101 started whispering about her.
No, pandalov3r101 is not the voice in my head.
Then, intermission happened and she sat there with a lollipop going
"Mommy, I'm bored. When will the show start?"
When it started again, I sat there, in a nice curled up position.
Which was a bad idea since the little ninja delivered a kick right where my liver was.
If there wasn't a chair protecting me, I would be in the freaking hospital.
This was followed by more kicks, some of which made me shriek out loud, and she got annoyed. You did it, kid, I should be the one annoyed at you!
Later, since it was like 10:00, the little girl calmed down enough to go to her talking stage.
I mean, I sometimes whisper during shows, but she was almost yelling.
"Mommy, the music is too loud! I can't fall asleep!"
THEN DONT FALL ASLEEP! YOU PROBABLY KICK IN YOUR SLEEP! THIS IS A SHOW NOT A SUMMER CAMP BUNK! AND YOUR MOMMY CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE MUSIC, SO STFU!
Anyway, comment if you've had experiences like this at shows.
Farewell😘
-ALK
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Just Random Stuff
RandomI have a lot of random stuff in my head I would like to get out, such as anecdotes about horrible substitutes, me talking to the voices in my head, and rants about things that annoy me.
