The Battle Across The Universe

Chapter 14: Joseph's Plan

Everybody was inside the Ackles/Adams spaceship.

"So," Lilly said, "here's Joseph the Dickhead's plan...

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Joseph is trying to take over the universe. When you girls joined the Battle of the Races he was thirty. He had worked for the Battle and all it stood for for ten years. He wanted something bigger.

So he made a plan. You guys. You guys were gonna help him. But he didn't want all of you.

Isabella. When you survived the Second Task he didn't give a single fuck about you.

Lan. He wanted you to live. Weird, right?

Fawn. He...you couldn't tell, but he didn't want you to live, either.

Anna-Marie. He wanted you to live, too.

You see, he thought Isabella would be a threat. You're like...you're like a Slytherin. You are cunning, ambituous, determined, and have a lot of leadership. He would like you on his side, but he'd rather have you dead in fear that you'd betray him.

Lan. You're like a Ravenclaw. You have intelligence, wisdom, creativity, and originality. He could use you for his plan.

Fawn. You're like a Hufflepuff. You have loyalty, kindness, honesty, and friendship. You are, in Joseph's opinion, too weak to be on his side.

Anna-Marie. You're like a Gryffindor. You have bravery, chivalry, courage, and you're daring. You are good enough to be the captain of his...how you girls say...Nicki Minaj army.

I'm getting off topic a little, but this will all make sense in a minute.

Remember the First Task with the...venomous snakes? And you guys had to get stuff? Well that stuff was important, too, but somebody accidentally dropped two of the things into the pit with the actual snakes. So they improvised, and made it your task because Joseph needed the items.

Now, why did he need them?

Anna-Marie. You got a golden compass, remember? That was one of the items that Joseph needed, but his stupid ass employee dropped it. And then the inland taipan got protective of it, and Joseph didn't want to risk any of his men. So he got you to do it.

That compass was important. Still is. It's a magic compass from the Planet of Free Land. The Free Runners did stuff very similar to our understandings of magic. Like Harry Potter without wands. And they put an enchantment on this compass. Whenever stars aligned with one of the suns of your planet the compass would show you to a place of destiny. A planet so magical and beautiful it was named Destiny's Heaven. It would always have whatever you needed to try to do what you most desire. What Joseph wanted was to destroy the universe. What he didn't know was exactly how to. So he set out to find the compass.

They finally found it in a lost dragon far away from home. Joseph decided to use it as soon as he could. Which was the night of the Fourth Task. But because of the bomb he got knocked out, and couldn't go to Destiny's Heaven.

Fawn. You got four sets of keys. Besides using them for your Second Task they were for a gate in Destiny's Heaven. You must open the first gate with the correct key on the first try, or else you can't get in to where your destiny is. If you get passed that you must open two other gates. The fourth set of keys are for a chest that supposedly if you open it you will have the greatest powers of the universe. Your destiny will either be to save the universe or to destroy it.

Lan. You got a treasure chest with a map inside. It was a map to the Planet of Free Land. That's how Joseph knew how to find us. He wanted to use the map to destroy those how he said 'disrespecting bastards who are cowards who only give a single f**k about themselves'. We call them Native Americans. So...yeah.

Isabella. You got the Dragon Jewel. To be honest, I don't know why the fuck that shithead needed that. But I will admit that it's gorgeous.

Now that was basically his whole plan.

Oh! And remember how he put people like murderers, thieves, rapists, and shit like that on Mars to die? Yeah, he did that so that nobody would take his place to destroy the universe.

And that's about it."