To Break the Chains (TCB#5)

Kabanata 13

Out of the plan

Buong gabi akong umiyak, tahimik akong umiyak. I tried so hard to not to tell Elli. Ayaw kong pati ito ay poproblemahin niya.

Hindi ko na kayang ipagkaila ang lahat. I like Hercules. At hindi ko akalain na magiging ganito ako sa kaunting panahon. Hindi ko rin alam kung totoo ba ang mga sinabi niya. Ayaw kong maniwala, pero may parte sa akin na gustong gusto maniwala at hayaan na ang lahat.

But Hercules means pain. Maraming aayaw, maraming masasaktan. And I decided to choose what is right, right but more painful. It's just okay, I have been in pain for almost in my life.

Sanay na akong masaktan. Hindi na ako takot masaktan dahil halos wala na akong maramdaman.

A new morning flashed in my face the next day. My tears last night is just a fleeting moment and right now I have decided to forget it all.

Tahimik akong naglalakad patungo sa first class yakap yakap ang mga libro na kinuha ko pa sa locker ko. Napansin ko rin na hindi na ako gaanong pinag uusapan ng iba. They are now silent. Tahimik akong nakinig sa unang professor. Masaya rin akong naki cooperate sa mga recitation.

Nang dumating ang break time ay tahimik din akong naglakad patungo sa library. Nag text na ako kay Elli na may gagawin pa akong iba. Nang pumasok ako sa library ay kakaunti lang ang tao sa loob. Ang librarian naman ay nasa akin agad ang mata ng pumasok ako. Naalala kong narinig niya nga pala lahat ng pinag usapan naman ni Hercules. Hindi naman siguro yun kakalat.

Naglakad ako patungong shelves at kumuha ng mga libro na babasahin. Ito ang gusto kong gawin tuwing break time. Natatakot kasi akong nandun ang Constellation band at kasama si Hercules at maulit na naman yung nangyari. At isa pa hindi ko man aminin pero nasasaktan ako sa tuwing nakikita ko ang mga babaeng kasama ni Hercules. I know he's a playboy and a jackass but...my eyes is not immune. I'm not blind either.

Kaya imbes na doon palipasin ang break time ay dito na lang ako naglalagi. Habang nagbabasa ay nakita ko ang papalapit na librarian sa akin. She's not totally old, maybe she's between 30 to 40. Napatingin ako sa kaniya ng may nilapag siyang isang libro. Nagtaka pa ako dahil isa itong romance.

Ang kinuha ko kasi ay puro biology and science hindi ko akalain na pinagbabasa niya ako ng romance.

"This is a good story." She said while pointing the book she's holding. She look at me while smiling. I smiled too but short live.

"But...it's not a happy ending." She said and then she sat down in front of me.

"Bakit? Anong nangyari sa kanila?" I asked curiously. Ngumiti siya ng mapait.

"I don't wanna spoil you but listen carefully.." she said and look at the book.

"Yung babae kasi may sakit tapos yung lalaki may sakit din...bawal silang maglapit kasi...mas lalong hihina ang immune nila kapag na expose sila sa mga infected na. When they fell in love with each other they don't want to die, they just want to be together even though they can't hold each other, they are not allowed to feel each others warmth.."

Sa kwento niya pa lang ramdam ko na ang sakit para sa dalawang bida. How painful it is knowing that you can't touch someone you love? How painful it is when you know that your life is short and there's no possibility?

"Pero isang araw they chose to break the rules, they chose to break the chains that keeping them apart...they chose to feel their warmth. They hugged each other, kissed each other until the last moment of their lives..."

Titig na titig ako sa kaniya habang sinasabi niya ang lahat ng ito.

"You know what's the lesson?" She asked. Hindi ako nagsalita. I waited for her to tell it.

"To touch and let your love ones feel your love until it's too late. Life is short and everyone don't know what will happen next." She said and then smile,

I swallowed hard. To touch and let your love ones feel your love until it's too late. Life is short and everyone don't know what will happen next.

She's right. I don't know everything. Can I live happily this time? Hindi ba ito ikasasama ng ibang tao?

"I heard your conversation with Sir Hercules." She said. I bit my lower lip.

"I don't know if he's telling the truth or what but one thing is for sure..." she look at me intently. I breathe heavily at that sight.

"Aries, Perseus, Leo, Orion....and Hercules.." tumingin siya sa libro at tumayo na sa aking harapan.

"They fall in love only once and if you're one of those girls then you're lucky." She said before she left.

Natulala ako sa sinabi niya. Hindi ko alam kung anong iisipin ko. I lived my life with a rage on my heart. I lived my life with a vengeance and plans. And this feelings isn't one of those plans, this feeling might be my weakness but I know it will make me happy. Can I let myself do the things out of the plan?