The Golden Boy's Girl {Complete} {undergoing SEVERE editing}

{Chapter 38}Wheres The Morgan Freeman Voice Leading To The Plethora Of Light?

{Chapter 38}Wheres The Morgan Freeman Voice Leading To The Plethora Of Light?

Fayelynn

I have felt different degrees of pain in my life. Emotional pain, physical pain, metal pain, I have felt it all. But I have never felt pain like this.

This wasn't pain.

This was nothingness

Numbness

Emptiness

You get the idea.

I felt as if someone took away all of my body, they're not there anymore. I can't feel them. Instead I was trapped in my mind, unable to run away from nightmares and thoughts. Unable to feel. Time passed. I'm not sure how much but it did. Or maybe I'm not.

Is this what death felt like?

Where's plethora of light or mystical Morgan Freeman voice leading me to the Promised Land? i'm slightly disappointed

It didn't matter, I didn't care. I really, really didn't.

Dark thoughts, nightmares, horrid haunting memories came forth and kept me in place, forcing me to relive them and watch them with no escape.

My mother leaving, the abuse, the struggle, the alcohol, the cutting, the depression, the suicide attempts and the worse, the rape.

Trapped in a box of my own faults.

My own mind making me relive my own demons and monsters. No escape and no way to get out. Occasionally I felt something, just for a brief moment, heard a whisper calling out to me, but not registering.

And all I wanted to do at this moment?

Die.

But that would be too easy, no not even my body would let me just give up, maybe after years and years of fighting to stay alive it had finally figured out that I can't give up no matter how hard I try.

Evidence of that is shown in the 4 times I attempted to end my own life, in the past 2 years alone.

So I was stuck, curled up in my own mind with dark and evil thoughts.

I had given up. What was the point? No matter how hard I tried I kept getting kicked down, I had happiness then it was snatched, by the evil thoughts of a sick minded man. His words echoed in my mind, making me want to scream and stomp.

" It's so much better than I thought it was going to be."

"Why the fuck are you crying? Stop crying! You're enjoying this like the slut you are!"

"Worthless!"

"Stupid, little slut!"

More words, more thoughts, more horrid things.

I had officially given up. Maybe this was a sick game of "How many times can we kick this girl down before she finally kicks the bucket"

And then there was Danny.

Well, if we are still even together. No doubt now that he knows he will leave in disgust. His perfect innocent little girlfriend is a slut who couldn't fight of Blake's advances. He's given up on me, everybody does, what's the point anyway? I have given up too.

And Mikey.

He needs me. I couldn't give up on him, I can give up on myself but not he, that little boy needs me. Yet again, he's the only reason I'm hanging by a thread. So I waited too, for a change on how to get out, of my own prison, created by my choices, my faults and my past.