Addiction~Prinxiety

41

"Are you sure you'll be ok, Vi?" Virgil chuckled softly as Janus whispered with clear concern. "I can always just..."

"No, Jan. I'll be ok. I'll have Remy here with me anyhow. You and Patton should go on your date. You deserve it. You both do." Janus frowned as Virgil slowly walked over and gave him a hug. "I haven't seen you this happy since... ever. Please, don't let me the thing that ruins it."

"You mean like I did for you." 

"Jan, It wasn't your fault." Janus shook his head as he took Virgil's hand in his.

"I should have talked it over with Roman before coming to you. If I got his side of the story first I could have either come to you more informed or maybe even talked him into telling you himself." Virgil frowned as he pulled his hands free giving Janus a confused look.

"I thought you didn't trust him."

"I didn't... at first... when I spoke to you about it but Virgil... I heard everything you to said. He stood there trying to explain it to you but you were so scared and so hurt you wouldn't listen." Virgil's eyes darkened as Janus let out a shaky breath. "I listened though. I remembered everything he said. I did my research. Virgil, It's a compulsive behavior. Think about it... Go over everything that you've seen, heard, or experienced with or about Roman and truly think it over. You've probably seen it affecting him and not even notice."

"Why are you trying so hard?"

"Because you weren't there when he was talking to Logan." Janus crashed as he raked a hand through his hair. "Virgil, the things he said... how he described what thought of you... how he felt about you... you didn't hear it. I did..." Janus shook his head as he turned and walked away. "...and I refuse to be the reason for causing you both so much pain."

"Jan, you didn't..." Virgil sighed as he crashed on the couch, Janus's words on repeat, ad his mind pulled him under. His friend wasn't entirely wrong. The only thing was... Virgil didn't have to 'think it over'. He's been doing it non-stop since they've broken up. Why do you think he's not angry anymore? At first, he was searching for more signs to prove his thoughts correct but...He couldn't stop thinking about it all. 

When they first met, he had wrapped his arms around Roman's arms for protection, and Roman had clearly started to break as if just the act of Virgil holding him... of being that close to him was affecting him. Then with all those moments 'asshole' Roman would appear and be a dick yet still find ways to flirt with him. Roman had said it was because his thoughts had gotten to much and despite the fact that he couldn't be with Virgil in those moments he couldn't make himself be anywhere else. 

Then there thing with Logan. Sure Roman hadn't ever told him what exactly he had done but it was kind of obvious with who. After all, Logan had run after him as Roman locked himself in his room. He had said he got hurt and he snapped and did something he wasn't proud of. Chances are with his 'hypersexuality', he meant he must have tried something with Logan and snapped out of it before anything really bad happened.

And that was just what he knew from before they had started dating. Virgil wasn't blind. When they got together it was far too easy to see just how... 'needy' Roman was. Every makeout session worked him up. Every time he'd have to leave, and sometimes Virgil would hear Roman. It was muffled as the walls are actually really good at blocking out sound but Virgil never liked just leaving the man so he'd stay outside the door for about an hour before going back to his room. He'd hear the sounds coming from Roman's room and understand what had happened. It was part of the reason he was so guilty about not being able to do what Roman wanted. 

Yet the other never even tried to push him. It was always Virgil who initiated it. The handjobs, the blowjobs... anything sexual in the slightest was always started by Virgil. He noticed Roman getting turned on or something and he'd try to help him. Even then Virgil had noticed it was odd. Like how the movie Rent always had the same reaction. Roman always was put in the mood the moment it was on... Clearly now Virgil could tell it must have been a trigger. Roman had a few triggers. Like whenever Virgil would smirk at him, Roman would instantly get flushed. Virgil knew this. He took stock on all the things that turned him on. Yet... He didn't once think that maybe there was something there? 

Janus was right. He was far to pissed, scared, and hurt to listen to Roman when they had fought. By now, Virgil had calmed down so much that all he felt was pain. He absolutely loved Roman with all his heart and just like his love will do, he let his fears and anger take over and he lashed out. He lashed out... It's not anyone fault this happened but his. He hurt the man he loved by not even giving him a chance to explain. Worst still, that fear just won't leave him. He's still terrified that it's all a lie. Even knowing what he does and just can't get over it.

Why would Roman be so afraid to tell him about his going to therapy? Why would Roman be to scared to just explain his thoughts and urges? Virgil would have understood. He would have done anything in his power to help him. Hell... He was already doing that every time he started anything sexual. He would have helped. He would have tried to find some tricks and coping skills to help him and in those moments where he was too worked up, as he had proven before, he would have help him to release that tension. Virgil just didn't understand why Roman didn't trust him. So his mind refused to let go of the possibility that he was lying. Even with the facts in his face... Even with the knowledge that Roman was nothing... NOTHING like Marcos, and that he wouldn't just lie to him like that, Virgil couldn't escape his fear.

And the worst thing he felt about it all... was the guilt he had over that very fact.