Addiction~Prinxiety

17

(Trigger warning- Past abuse)

"Are you fucking MENTAL?!" That had been the last thing Virgil heard that day. He knew logically that Remus was just worried about his brother. He knew the man wouldn't have yelled at him otherwise. Unfortunately, Virgil wasn't able to latch on to that fact. All he could do was hear that dark posh voice that haunted his ever nightmare laughing and whispering cruel jokes. "You must be mental." Virgil sat there on his bed, a faraway look in his eyes as he spiraled. "Insane... Deranged... Pathetic..." Virgil flinched as the echo-ey sound of a past slap reverberated in his mind. "You just had to do ONE FUCKING thing, Virgil. You fail. You couldn't even do that right."

"You were told to be quiet. To be compliant... to be easy."  Virgil tensed at the sensation of ghostly fingers gripping his chin roughly. His eyes went wide in fear as he practically could see his ex right there before him. He couldn't stop the whimper that came out of him as the phantom in black smirked deviously. "Awe, is my poor helpless baby going to panic?"

"I haven't started yet..." The Phantom's hands trailed to Virgil's neck forcing him forwards as Virgil cried out in fear. "Weak... I don't know why I ever thought you would be worth something dear. You can't even do one damn thing right."

"I guess it's a good thing, I love you." Virgil's eyes slipped shut as that ghastly feeling of the phantom's cold lips intrusively touched his. "Do be better, Virgil. I'd hate to see what would happen... When I've grown tired of your mistakes."

Virgil collapsed onto his bed crying as he shook horribly, the phantom vanishing like smoke. Virgil couldn't calm himself down even if he tried. Of course, the sound someone screaming out suddenly doesn't help either. Virgil flinched violently as his laughter tore through him. He couldn't take it. He needed to feel safe. This was the very problem that started all this mess...

He needed Roman.

But Roman was no better.

"Roman, please..." Roman tensed as he stumbled back unable to latch on to anything as the room spun around him. "I need you to sit down, Brother." Roman frowned as he shook his head only to flinch as his Father's voice yelled at him that he must do as he's told. "Roman..."

"I don't... I don't want t..." Roman whimpered as his father screamed at him. "No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Shit." Remus knew what was going on with him. Unfortunately, it wasn't something Remus could relate to. He tries his best to help Roman. He just doesn't know how to when he's like this. "Roman, it's ok."

"No, dad's right. Dad's right. Dad's..." It always broke Remus's heart seeing this. Remus hated their parents. Their mother was never there, finding 'love' in other men. And their Father... He was a heartless bastard. He ignored Remus's existence entirely. Due to Remus being outwardly gay and having all those mental disorders. He just wasn't 'Prince' material. It doesn't matter much when in the end they ended up being 'Sanders'. 

Their father was the worst with Roman though. At least with Remus, he just abandoned the man. Forced him to have to fend for himself entirely. Sure he was given a room but that was about it. Roman was the one that took care of the other twin. Meanwhile, Roman was forced to live up to their fathers 'modeling'. Being forced to hide and or hate who you are while listening to the one man who's supposed to be caring for you constantly spew out nonsense. Roman was raised to not want a thing. Wanting made you selfish... Nobody likes someone who's selfish. You can't raise your voice. You can't lie. You can't take for yourself at all. That's all selfish behavior. Roman was raised to take what he was given. He could not ask for anything different or anything more. Even simply asking for something less was bad because it meant you did not appreciate what you were given and that was selfish.

There were so many nights Roman was made to sit at the table only being given a small plate of food and eat it with a smile as if he wasn't still hungry. Or when their father would bring him to fundraisers or events and Roman was made to silent and observant. He wasn't allowed to take any of the snacks. He wasn't allowed to talk as that would be forcing others to have to communicate with him and that would be selfish.

Roman was raised believing the worst thing you could be was selfish. The guilt he felt over just simply asking Thomas for a cup of water after their parents had passed. It took a lot to get Roman to how he was now. 

It was even worse after he'd go out. When he was younger, forced to deal with their father, Roman would seak out someone. He didn't care who. He didn't care how. He just wanted to feel loved. He wanted to know that being selfish didn't mean someone couldn't love him like his father said. He'd been with man men and women, despite being gay, just to have someone hold him close. The next day though he would only drown in the guilt because he used another for his own needs. He truly felt he was the most selfish person in the world. 

And Remus as to step in acting like the insane murderous brother just to make sure they stayed off Roman's back.

"Roman, dad was not right. Please listen to..."

"SHUT UP!" Roman yelled out gripping his hair as he cried. He couldn't take the battling voices of his brother and his father. His head was reeling. He just wanted it all to stop. He just wanted... The door creaked open revealing a very broken looking Virgil, and Remus was quick to put up a guard. 

"Get out." Virgil flinched only to stand there silently staring at the floor. "Fucking go. This is your fault."

"I..." Virgil flinched as Remus went to open the door more for Virgil to leave. Roman just stood there staring at the younger with this dazed and confused look in his eyes.

"You seriously must be mental..." Virgil visibly went lax as Remus growled. Roman's eyes went wide as he unconsciously took a hesitant step forward. "... if you think COMING BACK was a good thing. Get. Out." Virgil smiled softly as he nodded, his eyes only going to Roman for a second before turning away. "Roman..."

"Don't go." Roman wrapped his arms around Virgil, not even realizing he had moved at all. Remus tensed in concern as Virgil just stood there lost. "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault." Virgil's voice was dull and breathy making Remus's eyes flash finally noticing how off Virgil looked. He looked like Roman did whenever... whenever triggered. "My fault."

"No... No, it's not." Virgil just nodded as he tilted his head a bit.

"Yes, it is. I upset you. I just came to apologize." Virgil stepped forward pulling himself from Roman's arms and making the other frown. "I didn't mean what I said. I was just we-..." Virgil froze up with a frown only to shake his head and look away. "... angry. I was angry."

"You had every right."

"Even so, I didn't have a right to say what I did. So I'm sorry. Just another mistake..." Virgil slowly turned around and gave Roman a smile that tore at Roman's heart. "You don't have to forgive me. No one ever does. Just had to say something." 

"Virgil..." Virgil shook his head cutting Remus off who looked pale over the interaction. "I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was just stressed. Roman wasn't..."

"You didn't say anything I haven't already heard," Virgil whispered as he left making both brothers sick to there stomachs at the pain in Virgil's voice. "Many many... many fucking times."

"Remus, what the hell did you say to him?" Remus jumped slightly in shock as Roman just stared off after the smaller. "I have never seen him so..."

"I don't know. I... Yelled at him. I don't even really remember what I said." Roman growled as he glared over at his twin.

"Well, figure it out... that way you can NEVER say it again."