Addiction~Prinxiety

40

"Roman please talk to me." Emiles voice echoed through the room as Roman just sat there on the couch staring down at nothing. "This is the third appointment where you haven't said a word." Roman didn't even look up. He just sat there listening to the pencil scratch against the paper. "Something has clearly happened. Sure it took a while for you to be completely open and honest with me but you never not talked to me. And despite the fact that you refuse to talk now, your still making and coming to these appointment so I believe you still want help." Emile paused hoping that maybe Roman would finally respond but the other still only just sat there. This time however Roman's hands were in his hoodie pockets as his face scrunched up a bit in discomfort. "Kiddo... Ok."

"Our last productive appointment, you were talking about how far you and Virgil have come in your relationship." That earned a reaction. Emile was taken back by how sudden Roman's eyes darted up to his, glaring at him with pain and anger. "How is Virgil?" Roman shook his head as he resumed staring at the floor. "Hey, I got a response. Although not really sure what that meant."

"Roman, did something happen with Virgil?" Roman flinched as his hands removed themselves from his hoodie revealing that he had taken the small velvet box with him and Emile's eyes went wide. "Are you going to propose?" Once again Roman could only shake his head as Emile's smile dropped. "Oh. I'm sorry. It's just with everything you had said before and then the box, I guess I just assumed it was a ri-..." Emiles eyes went wide seeing the tears that fell from Roman's eyes. "Roman, what's wrong? What happened?"

"It is a ring." Emile tensed hearing how shaky Roman's voice is. "An engagement ring I had ordered on his birthday. It finally came in."

"But you said you weren't going to propose." Roman only shook his head again as he opened the box and just stared at it, tears falling from his face. "Have you already asked him? Did he say no?"

"He doesn't know I was even thinking about it. Only Logan... He helped me pick it out."

"Than why... The last time you spoke to me you would stop talking about him and how much you love him. What changed?" Roman's hands shook horribly as he looked up making Emiles heartbreak over the pain in them. "Roman?"

"He found out." Emile's face fell as Roman's voice cracked. "Virgil... He found out about... about my hypersexuality. I-I know you said that I... You said I should tell him, but I didn't. I couldn't. I was just too scared and... he found out."

"Oh, dear." Roman broke down crying as he closed the box and clutched it tightly to his chest. "What happened?"

"What happened? What happened is he left me?" Emiles eyes went wide as Roman cried even harder. "He fucking left me. He accused me of cheating on him because I was to scared to even tell him about these fucking appointment. I screwed myself over. And what's even worse... I love him so fucking much that I can't stand to even look at him anymore. I've gone back to treating him like absolute shit because anger seems to be the only thing I can get out when he's there. I love him, Emile. I love him so so much. And it kills me to be so cruel to him but I just can't get anything else out."

"It's ok, Roman."

"No, it's not. He's the man I love and I'm treating him like garbage. Emile, he stayed up till three in the fucking morning just to make sure I got home safely only to see me come home with Jade." Emile's eyes went wide as Roman stuffed the ring in his pocket as if unable to look at it anymore. "Then to make matters worse, instead of getting upset over me bringing a woman home he just wakes up early and makes us all breakfast, Jade included. He just tells us good morning and that he hopes we had enjoyed ourselves... and I could only give him attitude."

"Roman, please back up a bit... You brought a woman home?" Roman's eyes darkened as he nodded making Emile sighed. "How often have you been going out again?"

"Every night for the past two/three weeks. Ever since the breakup." Emile nodded as Roman's voice slowly went quiet. "It's not what you think."

"It's ok, Roman. Relapse, especially after something traumatic or highly upsetting happens, is normal and is apart of recovery."

"It's not what you think! I'm telling you..."

"Roman..."

"I didn't sleep with her!" Emile jumped slightly as Roman's voice rang out. "Well... I didn't sleep with her again. She's someone from my past. She's also the one that first spoke with Janus, who then told Virgil, who broke up with me after, but it's not her fault. It's not any of there faults. The point is though... I didn't sleep with her. She was just trying to cheer me up. We went out and got a bit to drunk. We were at my house so I offered to let her stay the night since we left her car at the bar. I had called up a friend to drive mine back home so I at least knew if she did I could take her home or whatever. That's all. I let her sleepover. Yes, we shared a bed but nothing happened."

"Oh." 

"I love, Virgil, Emile. I love him. I tried to just forget about him... just for one night, but I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried I just could not get him out of my head. How could I ever face him again if I just... I couldn't do it. I couldn't be with someone else when I love him so much. He's the reason I even came here. He's the reason I fought to get better. Everything I did was for him and even though he left me... I just can't go back to the way things were. I tried. I fucking tried too... My own head wouldn't let me." Roman let out a broken laugh as he just curled up on the couch. "I was so close to making the worst fucking mistake of my life, ignoring every single thought I had just to have one fucking night where I could feel something. I thought that if I forced myself to just do it and be done that maybe his voice would finally leave me alone. If Jade hadn't been there to pull me back... I probably would have relapsed. She's the whole reason haven't fucked up even worse. She keeps me from forgetting. I never slept with her. I never slept with anyone. I never relapsed. I never cheated. I love him. He's the only one I want to be with. Ever since I've met him... all my thought have been about him. Even now that he left me... I only want him."

"I'm sorry you're in so much pain."

"I think I finally understood what someone means when they go through withdrawals." Emile's eyes went wide as Roman just smiled up at him. "I'm not addicted to sex. I've never been addicted to sex. I just couldn't turn those thoughts off. I couldn't stop but... ever since that day... I've been in so much pain. I've been craving his attention... his affection... his love. To hell with the fucking sex and shit. I want him to cuddle with me and hold me close and tell me everything ok. I need him, Emile. I'm not addicted to sex but... I am addicted to the way he made me feel." Roman's eyes darkened as he just deflated and sighed. "And I'm crashing hard."