Addiction~Prinxiety

18

"Stormfly?" Roman stood there in front of the door tense and trying hard not to fall back into that spiral. He was barely hanging on to reality but he was determined to talk to Virgil. "Virgil?"

"Go away?" Roman frowned as Virgil's voice flitted through the door. He sounded more like he was questioning it than anything and that just made Roman even more worried.

"Virgil, I just want to talk. It's important."

"Important?" Roman's chest twinged as leaned against the door hoping it would just vanish so that he could see Virgil. "What's so important?"

"Virgil, please?"

"You can tell me through the door can't you?" Roman groaned as his head hit the door lightly. He took a deep breath to try and calm himself down as he shook his head.

"No, Virgil. I can't."

"Oh..." Roman bit his lip as he heard the bed creak slightly. "...the doors open." Roma hesitated only for a moment before lightly nudging the door to find Virgil facing away from him on the bed. "What's so important?"

"I..." Roman bit his lip harder cringing at the metallic taste on his tongue. He sighed sadly as he sat down beside the other who flinched but otherwise make no reaction. "I'm sorry for shutting you out." Roman swallowed the pain in his chest as he forced the words out. "I'm s-sorry for ac-cting-... for b-being selfish." The room tilted slightly as he squeezed his eyes shut tightly. "Virgil, I didn't mean to hurt you. I was just... I... Fuck, how am I supposed to say this?"

"If you can't get the words right don't say it." Roman frowned as Virgil curled up into himself more. "You're only going to upset people that way. They won't understand you and then they'll get angry. You'll end up hurt in the end."

"Sometimes you have to say it though." Roman let out a shaky breath as he glanced over to see Virgil's eyes misty and blank just staring at the window without any recognition. "Virgil, it's hard... for me... being here with you."

"Then don't be here."

"Let me finish, please." Virgil's eyes narrowed as Roman spoke a little firmer than he had intended. "It's hard being here with you because I care about you. And... I know I hurt you."

"Sounds like him." Virgil rolled his eyes as he pushed himself up and just sat there with a neutral and lifeless expression.

"Stormfly..."

"See that's what hurt the most." Roman froze up as Virgil just looked away. "If you had call me Emo nightmare or just... ANYTHING ELSE... I would have chalked it up to asshole Roman needing his space but... you didn't. You called me Stormfly. YOU did that Roman. The kind one. The one that's present and caring and not about to yell at me because he can't be around me. What was I supposed to think? I know that your struggling. Over what I don't know but... You didn't tell me anything. You just locked yourself away. I was worried. But maybe that just makes me mental." Roman's eyes went wide as Virgil smiled sadly. "To be so angry over something so silly as someone locking you out. There was a time I prayed to be alone. What the fuck happened?"

"Virgil..."

"Go away? Please?" Roman just shook his head as he sat there with this look in his eyes.

"Virgil, I locked myself away because I couldn't trust myself." Virgil's eyes darkened as Roman turned so that he was sitting crisscross and facing him. "My issues... They're a lot like Remus's just different. I did something I'm not proud of and I couldn't trust that I wouldn't do it again."

"What did you do?" Roman looked away as this shine slowly started to fill Virgil's eyes again with life. It was slow and small but it was there. "Roman?"

"I'm sorry. It's not that I don't trust you, Virgil. I don't trust me. Like I said. I care about you... I care so much that it hurts me. And it hurts to know that I hurt you. I didn't mean to be so se... so... so self... selfish when I locked myself away. I just didn't think I had any other choice." Roman glanced back up to see Virgil now watching him intently with a concerned look on his face. He couldn't help but smile seeing him not so dazed anymore. "I don't really know what happened. I just... I know I was hurt. So I got a little drunk. I couldn't keep the thoughts down and... And I lost control."

"What hurt you?" Roman rolled his eyes dismissively only for Virgil to freeze him up by taking his hand. "Roman, it's important to me. What hurt you?"

"I heard a small bit of yours and Thomas's conversation." Virgil's eyes went wide as Roman just shrugged. "I didn't mean to listen in. I was just coming down to see if everything was ok. I thought maybe I would get you guys a drink or something. I was bored. I just wanted to be of use somehow." The more Roman said the more Virgil deflated until... "You said something that hit hard. I don't know why. After all, I'd been keeping you at a distance for so long... for a reason. This specific reason. I just... Hearing you say what you did... made me realize how much more I wanted. Like actually legitimately wanted. It hurt because it was just further proof that it would never happen."

"Roman, what did I say?"

"We're just friends." Virgil snapped up as Roman smiled brokenly at nothing. Tears slowly fell from his eyes as he clenched his fists tightly, those words on repeat in his mind, as Virgil struggled to get his thoughts to words. "Pathetic right? I pushed you away and treated you like shit during those moments that I wanted more because of my issues and all that shit only to break when you say that that's all there is. I snapped and pushed myself... I... I'm not like Remus. I don't handle my thoughts well. I don't have any coping skills. I don't understand how he can function with all. So when we met and I started to fall I pushed it all down hoping it wouldn't do anything, and in the end, it all exploded in my face. I just... didn't know what to do. I didn't want to hurt you but... that was exactly what I did."

"You got hurt because I said we were friends?"Roman chuckled softly as he shook his head.

"No. I got hurt because you said we were just friends... and I wanted more." The two sat there in silence as the second drug on. Roman couldn't even make himself look up at the smaller. He knew if he did that would be it. He held kept himself from doing anything for 6 months but he knew he would not be able to hold back now. Not when he just admitted to how he felt. He wanted so desperately to be in Virgil's arms. To be held by him... to be kissed by him. But he couldn't... he couldn't do that to... 

Roman's eyes shot wide in pure shock as the taste of licorice filled his senses. His cheeks flushed something bad as his hands instantly went to Virgil's hair, their lips moving in tandem as the two breathed each other in. Virgil pulled away suddenly, face flushed, and out of breath.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have... I should've asked first. I didn't..." Roman just chuckled quietly as his fingers brushed his lips gingerly. "Roman? I-I'm... I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Roman beamed as pulled Virgil in hugging his closely as his heart raced. "I've been dying to do that for so long."