*Hayden's POV*
It took everything in me not to kiss Billie last night. I caught myself being flirty and constantly playing with the dainty chain around my neck. Then I remembered who gave me the necklace... so I excused myself earlier than I wanted to. I should be ready to move on from Layla, but I'm not. I don't know that I'll every be ready. I have a habit of keeping everyone at an arms length away, especially since I have my son to think about. Which is undoubtedly what I'm doing right now being short with Billie. Blake seems to have an affinity for her though.
I feel tiny arms wrap around my thigh. I look down half expecting to to be my kid but to my surprise, it's Ronin. I pick her up and hold her against my hip as I flip the pancakes over. "Did you sleep well sweetie?"
She nods and plays with the chain around my neck as I finish the pancakes. "My mommy has this tattooed on her wrist. She said it means safe place..." I look down and see the symbol that hung down. I hadn't bothered to look into it, but when she said that it warmed my heart knowing that Layla saw me as her safe place.
For the time I had her, she was mine too.
I set Ronin down and plate up breakfast. "Foods ready!" I shout through the house. Billie comes in carrying Blake. It's a cute sight to see... but it feels wrong at the same time.
I cut up some pancakes for the kids and let Billie fend for herself. "I've gotta head to the barn for a bit, will you be ok with them for maybe half an hour?" I ask her quietly.
"Sure. Do your thing, I got this." she says, the tone of her voice matching mine. I kiss Blake on the top of his head and make my way to the barn.
I don't actually have to do anything here, I woke up early this morning and took care of the horses. I just need a moment of silence. I pace back and forth for a while, eventually stopping to sit on a hay bale with my head in my hands.
Why do I feel so conflicted?
Because you still love Layla.
Yeah no shit.
But you also love Billie.
Honestly I don't think I ever stopped...
You didn't. She was your first true love.
Then why do I still feel guilty for having feelings for her at all.
Because your life isn't just about you anymore, you have Blake. You're still grieving someone that he never knew... he's getting to know Billie. Kids notice everything you know... even the way you look at her.
I go back and forth in my own head trying to rationalize my feelings. I hadn't realized how long I'd been gone until Blake jumps up onto my lap.
"Oof! Hey bubbie, what are you doing here?"
"Bee said you took too long and we should check on you." he says tugging on one of the buttons of my flannel.
"Oh yeah, what else did she say?" I say giving him a quick tickle under his chin and he giggles.
"She asked what your favorite things were."
"Dude! You were supposed to keep that a secret! I promised you ice cream!" I hear Billie groan out.
I let out a laugh as he climbs off of me and takes Ronin to pet Gabriel. "He's my kid Billie. He's not going to keep shit from me. Let me guess he said 'purple, sunflowers, and him' right?" I ask raising an eyebrow.
"I- yeah how did you know." she asks confused as hell.
I lean back against the stall door. "The comforter on my bed is purple, wasn't my choice. There's a row of sunflowers on the side of my house that he sees everyday, I'm allergic to those bitches. As far as him being a favorite, that one was true."
She sits next to me, "Well your kid doesn't know you very well." she jokes. For some reason that stung a little. I knew I was closed off with other people, I didn't realize I was sort of closed off with him too.
She nudges my leg, "He forgot the most important thing though..."
"What's that?"
She cups my face, her lips nearing mine. I want to taste her again. I want her in every way. At the same time I don't. I close my eyes and mentally prepare myself for the flood of endorphins that are about to hit my brain when our sober lips finally meet. But they never do.
"Ewww! Why are you trying to kiss my mommy?"
I quickly pull away, confused as to why I'm embarrassed by my son almost seeing me kiss another woman. I avoid the awkwardness and scoop him up and carry him towards the house. "You are literally covered in mud bubbie, please tell me Ronin is still clean."
"We tried jumping over a puddle and she jumped sooooo far, but I couldn't do that." he says excited and disappointed all at the same time.
I turn around briefly to see Ronin hot on my heels and Billie lagging behind a bit. The expression on her face tells me she's hurting. I didn't mean to...
I get Blake cleaned up and turn a movie on for him and Ronin. I make eye contact with Billie and gesture for her to follow me.
"What do you want Hayden?" she says with her arms crossed.
I could be bold and kiss her.
I don't know if I have it in me.
"Billie I-"
a/n: I would have updated yesterday buuuuuuuuuut, A knows what's up 😉
What's your favorite food? I wanna try some new stuff.
I lub you so much bubbies 💕❤️
