*Billie's POV*
This is some fuck shit. Sleeping on the damn couch because I won't touch her. My ass knows that when I start getting handsy, I don't wanna stop. When I don't stop, it leads to some really hot sex. As much as I want Hayden in that way, I need her to heal. She acts stoic, as if nothing phases her. When I see the fresh scar on her stomach, it reminds me that she's more fragile than she seems.
I turn over on the couch, unable to get comfortable. I lay there surrounded in silence, listening to my own heartbeat in my chest. Then I hear the creak of the wooden floor as someone walks closer. The space behind me dips as Hayden lays down, wrapping her arm around me and pulling my back against her. She places a kiss on the back of my neck.
"I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it." she whispers.
"Then why did you say it?" I ask her.
"I don't know. I'm trying to figure that out. I just don't want to go to bed fighting with you. Aside from Blake, you're one of the best things that's happened to me O'Connell." she says. I can hear the smile in her voice.
I turn back over to face her and she places a kiss on my forehead, like I'm the one who's fragile.
Maybe I am.
It's not easy seeing the person you care about go through something that traumatic. I can't not see all of that when I look at her. It's not just the pain and suffering that I see though. I see her tough exterior when she calls a 10 a 9.5 on the pain scale. I see how hard she pushes herself to get stronger everyday. She's a lot stronger than she gives herself credit for.
While I'm admiring her, she's closed her eyes and fallen asleep. Why did I have to be so stupid, she just wanted to be close to me... this is the kind of intimacy she'd settle for in place of sex. She just wanted me close.
I can't imagine going without any kind of intimacy for years. Not having someone to connect with on not only a physical level, but emotionally as well. She's sacrificed her own happiness for Blake's. Knowing her, she's do it all over again because she's a selfless person.
Although lately, her personality has been... different, to say the least. She's always been one to be up front, but it's like she can't control what she says. I don't care if she hurts me with her words, but how is she going to affect Blake. His personality isn't fully developed, and I don't want him to grow callous and cold because his mom seems indifferent.
~~~~
I wake up alone.
I can't hear some commotion outside. So I follow the sounds of chaos and see Hayden running suicides in the side yard while her dad coaches her, pushing her to her limit. Blake is running alongside her, his little legs carrying him as fast as they'll let him go. He thinks it's a game where he has to copy mommy. It's cute to see things from his perspective.
"Alright that's enough, come get some water Hays!" Alan calls out.
Hayden uses her shirt to wipe some of the sweat off of her forehead, while I have to simultaneously wipe the drool from the side of my mouth.
"Bee!" Blake shouts running up to me.
I pick him up and hold him to my hip. He chatters on about something, and I see Hayden plop down next to her dad. He wraps his arm around her and gives her a squeeze. Typical proud dad move. I decide to give them a moment and head back inside carrying Blake with me.
"Alright little man, what do you want to eat?" I ask him as I set him on the counter.
"Can we have pancakes with syrup traps?" he asks with a goofy grin.
I give him a confused look. Syrup traps? What the fuck is a syrup trap... and then it dawns on me. Bubbie wants waffles.
I pull a box of waffles out of the freezer. "These?"
He throws his arms in the air like he just won the lottery. "Yes!"
Moments later Blake and I are sitting at the table staring at the mountain of toaster waffles I fixed. I may or may not have gone overboard with the amount.
"Looks like your two could use some help." Alan says stabbing a few onto a fork and sliding them onto his plate. As he digs in, Hayden walks past and goes to make a cup of coffee.
"Mommy come eat with us!" Blake pleads with her.
She hangs her head and groans in annoyance. "Blake could you please just shut up for five minutes! I've got a migraine from hell!" she snaps at him.
The dining room falls silent...
Before anything else goes down I lean over and whisper to Hayden's dad, "I'm gonna pack a bag and take Blake back to my apartment so she can get her shit together."
"Probably a good idea." he says with a quick nod.
I grab Blake and take him to my car, buckling him in and turning the car on while I go back inside. Hayden is still in the same position she was when she yelled, it's like she doesn't feel any remorse for the way she treated him. It's one thing to treat me that way, but Blake doesn't ever deserve to be treated that way.
I pack a bag for bubbie really quick, not forgetting to put his favorite stuffed animal in there. I make my way back to my car and start the drive to my place, occasionally hearing a sniffle from the backseat.
Fuck my heart is breaking for this kid.
a/n: what's your favorite poem or lyric?
Guess what...
I lub you bubbies 💕
