I'm about to lose my shit. I'm hyperventilating clutching my head in between my hands. I hate that my son has to see me like this, broken and unhinged. I had done so good keeping up with my medication just to get stuck in a hospital after... wait, how the hell did I end up here in the first place?
Me.
I made you forget.
Safety first.
Clicks.
Clicks.
Clicks.
Seatbelts save lives.
Too bad, I don't care about yours.
I only wish your son was in the car too...
"You can't have him." I mutter over and over to myself as tears stream down my face.
I hadn't noticed Blake had crawled into my lap until he tries prying my beating hands away from my own face. He wraps his little arms around my neck and starts to sing his favorite song in my ear.
Layla isn't here.
But bubbie is.
He's a part of her.
Part of her.
Part of her.
Part of her.
My breathing starts to return to normal and the voices get quieter. How did he know what to do?
I know.
But you should ask him.
Ask him.
"Bubbie, how did you know what mommy needed just now?" I ask him in almost a whisper.
He hops off of my lap and gets his little backpack, pulling out my phone that's guess my mom gave to him. He unlocks it and scrolls through my photos, stopping on one I hadn't seen in a very long time. It was one of the last pictures Layla and I took together. She was about 8 and a half months pregnant with him, had a huge smile on her face. She was absolutely breathtaking.
"She used to sing when you were asleep." he says pointing right at Layla and I sit there gawking at him. "I thought if I did too it might help."
I haven't told him any stories about Layla in awhile, but it turns out he remembers a lot more than I thought he did. I smile and ruffle his hair, "You did great bubbie. Thank you."
I look over and see Billie looking at us in awe of what she just witnessed. "It's like- he- he has fucking superpowers!" she gushes and I hug Blake just a little bit tighter.
The sweet moment passes just as soon as it arrives, "Billie, can you bring me my medication? It's in the top drawer of my dresser on the right hand side. Uh, ignore anything else in that drawer." I ask her, my cheeks flushing red from embarrassment.
You don't need those.
They're poison.
Although, if you take the whole bottle...
Just wait.
Wait.
Wait.
Blake will be fine without you.
Who am I kidding?
He'll make a nice feast.
I can practically hear the dark one snarling. He's always fed on my fears, but I won't let him hurt anyone else. I let out a sigh, I can feel myself peaking again.
Billie needs to hurry up.
~~~~
*Billie's POV*
I make it back to the hospital and see Blake standing outside of Hayden's door. "Bubbie what's going on?" I ask him as I kneel in front of him.
"Um the doctor lady said mommy's brain is broken." he tells me in a soft voice.
"Okay, was mommy doing anything?" I ask him before picking him up and holding him against my hip.
He plays with one of the chains around my neck. "She was just shaking a lot and making weird noises." he says with his little brow furrowed.
Can this day get any worse?
Ya know what, I don't wanna find out.
"Bee!" Blake says squishing my cheeks together snapping me from my daze.
"Yeah bub?" I ask and he just points towards Mac.
I watch her carefully remove her gloves and she takes a deep sigh. "She's stable. For now... do you know if she has a history of epilepsy?"
"Epi-what?" I ask confused as hell.
"Has she ever had seizures before?" she clarifies.
"No, unless you consider blackout rage fits seizures? I literally just left to get her medication"
She writes down something on her notepad, "It could be depending on a few factors. We were aware of her medications, and she's been on them since she was admitted. She did have a seizure and as of right now she's ok, but it raised some questions. I've ordered an MRI just to rule out any damage that may have occurred from the accident as well as look for any other abnormalities." she explains.
I nod like I understand her, but in all honesty, I'm having difficulty processing everything. All I know is Hayden is okay, for now. I swear this woman gets the short end of the stick in life with every single turn she makes.
"I'll keep you filled in Billie." she says giving me a small smile. I know that smile all too well. It's the one she gives when she's expecting bad news.
I carry Blake back into Hayden's room and sit. It's apparent she's been sedated enough to be asleep. As I sit with Blake on my lap, he falls asleep too, those cute little snores escaping his lips. For a brief period, they wheel Hayden away for her MRI. When they return her to her room, she's unchanged, still sleeping, still broken.
If she's been on her medication since she's been here, what's going on in that head of hers?
Is she going to be okay?
Am I going to be okay?
As questions rack through my brain, I lose track of time. It's been two, maybe three hours and Mac comes in. She pulls up a chair and sits in front of me, giving me that same small smile from before.
"I'm going to be straight up with you..." she starts.
I wish I could tell you everything she said, because she was talking for a hot minute, but I can't. My brain got stuck on one word.
Tumor.
a/n: soooo... how we doing today?
I may or may not have an obsession with Mexican food, but I don't regret it one bit.
Do we think Hayden will be the same after surgery, or nah?
I lub you bubbies 💕
