His Name Was Damian

twenty-six

Naomi

Being under the watchful eye of my former English teacher was hard, but not knowing how Damian was managing was proved even more difficult as I stared outside at the rain. The wind swayed the rain's direction in an endless battle; who was stronger: the rain or the wind. Damian or his heartache. Although I wasn't there when he talked to Elijah and Lyla, I already knew the conversation had been rough on him. He would barely look me in the eye when he handed me his sweatshirt. He didn't want me in the milk stained one I was originally wearing. His eyes were glossed over and tears still stained his water line when he handed me. I didn't want to bombard him with questions so I took the sweatshirt with no questions.

"Your detention is over Naomi, you're free to go," Mrs. Lewis announces from her desk.

I shoot her a smile before grabbing my backpack and heading for the door.

"Naomi?"

"Yes?" My hand was on the handle when I turned around and peered over at Mrs. Lewis. I've always had respect for Mrs. Lewis. She was the first black teacher I ever had and going to a predominately white school, that was a sight to see. Mrs. Lewis was young enough to understand freshman problems but still old enough to put us in our place.

"You never did strike me as the type to get detention, so what happened today?"

I need to get this off my chest.

I sigh, smile, and shake my head, "I can't believe it Mrs. Lewis! Do you remember Lyla from my class? She poured milk all over me and then acted surprised that her nose was bleeding."

Mrs. Lewis laughed quietly for a while and I join her.

"Well did you win," She asks.

"I think I broke her nose," I laugh. "I didn't mean to but like I couldn't help it."

"Did she say something?"

"She said that Damian is going to leave me just like my dad did." I pause and sit down in a desk closer to Mrs. Lewis. "That hurt you know? Because I'm still upset with my dad and on top of that, I just don't know where Damian's head is at right now."

"Naomi, you're too hard on yourself. I know it's a bad habit of yours but taking on other's problems is not your responsibility."

"I know, but-"

"No buts," She says sternly. "Naomi, girl, sometimes it's okay to take time to worry about yourself. I mean when's the last time you did something for yourself? Sweetie, you're a great student, an amazing friend, excellent and I mean excellent artist, don't let other problems take away from what you need to worry about, okay?"

I nod, "Yeah, you're right. Well, I, um, probably should get going, my ride is probably here."

"Don't forget your phone, Naomi."

"Yep."

I feel weird as I walk into the empty hall. Everyone is telling me what I should do and what I shouldn't do. Why is it their choice what I do? I take the milk smelling sweatshirt out of the locker before walking out of the main school doors. Damian was waiting for me in his truck; I didn't tell him to wait for me.

I knock on his window, taking his attention away from his phone.

"Hey," he says. He points to the passenger seat. "You going to get in?"

"Hey, I respond, walking and getting into the passenger seat. "My mom was going to pick me up, so you didn't have to come."

Damian shakes his head. "It's fine. I told your mom I wanted to pick you up anyways."

"Did you talk to them: Elijah and Lyla?"

He doesn't say anything and instead grips his steering wheel hard, telling me what I needed to know.

"I'm going to take that as a yes. Did it go okay?"

He nods slowly focusing on pulling over into an abandoned parking lot before turning the car off.

"Damian, what's wrong?" I was becoming concerned; He had never acted this way towards me.

He puts both hands on the steering wheel before laying his own head on top of them.

"Do you think killing your self is selfish," he asks in a whisper, so silent I barely heard him.

"Why are you asking that?"

"Can you please... just answer the question?"

I lean back into my seat, "No, and yes."

"Why?"

"Because I can understand wanting to get away from a world that causes so much sadness, but you would also leave a whole bunch of people behind who love you, that's why."

Damian matches my position when he rises from his hunched over stance.

"Elijah and Lyla apologized today. The reason why they treated you so badly today was because I kinda, sort of, ditched them after my attempt. They were upset that I didn't come to them about my feelings."

"Is that why you asked me if what you did was selfish?"

"Yeah."

"Do you feel bad about it now?"

"Yeah."

"Damian-"

"Naomi, I feel so numb right now, I just don't know what to do. I feel like I shouldn't have bad thoughts anymore, but nothing is helping. I just feel..."

As he looked over at me, with his glossy green eyes, tainted with hints of red, my heart began to drop. I couldn't help but begin to feel dejected as I turned away from Damian's gaze. I didn't look at anything in particular as my voice began to break, "So, um, what do you feel Damian?"

"I don't know," He stuttered out. "I'm so confused, Naomi..."

I don't know what to say to Damian right now. What do you say at this moment? What wouldn't you say at this moment?

You don't.

I shake my head as I turn to face him, before getting out of the car.

"Naomi, what are you doing," He asks from his seat.

I shake my head as I opened his door, dragging him out of his own car before pushing him into the backseat. I climb on top of him, making heavy eye contact with him and placing his hands on my hips. I lay my head into his neck and wrap my arms around his torso.

"Why?"

"Just let me hold you," I reply. "You've said that you're confused and honestly I don't know what to say at the moment, so I'm hoping this is okay?"

Damian's hand leaves my waist to lift up my chin, locking our eyes in a stare once again. "I may be confused," he starts. "But I don't want to leave you. Don't worry about me, I'm going to figure it out; I promise." If there was one thing I knew about Damian, it was the fact that he was always so sincere; I could always count on him, to be honest.

"We're going to figure it out together, I promise."

As I laid with Damian, his arms around me and mine around him, I thought to myself: Is this promise permanent or temporary?

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