All Alone

Chapter 1

WARNING:
This story contains abuse, trauma, suicide, depression, and other themes that might trigger some readers.
Reader discretion is strongly advised.

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note: if you like listening to music, you can check the playlist chap.

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"Five! six! seven! eight! Tobias itaas mo ng maayos si Sienna!" sigaw ni Harvey habang nagpra-practice kami.

Kinontrol ko ang bigat ko nang iangat na ako ni Toby.

"Hindi ko alam kung malakas lang ba talaga ako o gumaan ka ngayon," natawa ako sa puna niya sa akin.

Tobias or better known as Toby is my best friend. Like me, he started ballet at early age, too. He's very masculine and tall. His tanned skin suits him perfectly. He also has this intimidating aura that the girls like for some reason.

I liked him when we were kids, but turns out that he likes boys, too. That's when we started being friends.

Friends. When I say friends, that doesn't include me opening up to him, sharing my personal issues or problems with him. I don't want my problems to be their problems, too.

Iyon kasi ang kadalasang nangyayari.

Puro ako problema. But for some reason, every people that I met in this life wants to be close to me, to be friends with me. Especially, when I was younger.

Little did I know, they're just waiting for me to open up. Waiting for my slice of life, waiting for some news to share with other people, waiting for informations to gossips to.

Akala ko noon, kapag kaibigan p'wede mo silang sabihan ng mga problema mo. Hindi pala lahat.

You need to pick a certain friends whom you can share your problems with. Kailangan mong pumili ng kahit isang tao lang na p'wede mong pagkatiwalaan. Pero lahat ng pinagkakatiwalaan ko, iniwan ako.

I remember my friend Pia when I was in grade school, I opened up to her when my father died. Ang sabi lang niya, "Okay lang 'yan! Si Luke nga parehong magulang wala na, mas mababaw pa 'yang problema mo."

I opened up to her to seek advice and help, not for her to compare me to someone who had it worse. I'm not Luke. Magkaiba kami.

After that, hindi na ako nagtiwala ulit. I became silent. Nahihiya na akong makipag-kaibigan sa mga tao. Lalo na kapag tinatanong nila kung anong problema ko. Bakit ako tahimik. Bakit ako mapag isa. Pakiramdam ko, napakababaw ko. Na wala akong karapatang maging malungkot.

My other former friend, whom I bear my soul with. Again. After so many years I thought I can trust someone again. Left me hanging when she discovered my secrets. Ayaw niya raw ako maging kaibigan dahil ipinapasa ko raw sa kaniya ang mga problema ko. But in fact, she's the one who nagged me to tell her my problems. I don't blame her though.

I failed myself. Again.

That's why I focused on dancing instead. It's my way of coping.

I started ballet because of my Grandma. She's a ballerina, too, but stopped dancing when she had my Father. I was inspired by her stories about ballet and became interested later on.

I don't regret it though. I love dancing. Now, I love it even more.

Nang ibaba na ako ni Toby ay agad kong ginawa ang mga steps na itinuro nina Henry.

"Okay! Water break muna!" sigaw ulit ni Harvey nang matapos namin ang practice para sa isang performance.

Harvey and Henry are twins. Sila ang may ari ng Dance School na ito. Bata pa lang ako, sina Harvey na ang nagha-handle sa akin.