All Alone

Chapter 30

Uncertainty. I hate uncertainty. I've always hated uncertainty.

And, right now, Eve communicating with me to set things right is very important to me. Sobrang mahalaga sa akin na sinasabi niya iyong mga problema na meron kami. I don't want him to face hindrances that concerns us both. Kahit kaya naman niyang lutasin mag-isa, kahit kaya ko namang lutasin mag-isa, dapat alam namin pareho. 

"Is she pregnant?" natatakot kong tanong.

His phone rang after I asked. Bumaba ang tingin ko roon at parang lalo lang akong kinabahan. Sa sobrang kaba ko, parang wala na akong maintindihan, wala nang ibang pumapasok sa isip ko kundi, 'ang tanga ko'.

I guess, it is better to end it while it's still early. Hindi pa naman kami masyadong matagal, hindi ba?

"Answer it," namamaos kong sabi at nagbaba na lang ng tingin. "It must be about your baby."

On my peripheral vision, I saw him scratched his forehead before sighing. "Yes, she's pregnant," pagod na aniya at pinindot ang kung ano roon sa telepono niya para matigil ang pagtawag sa kaniya. "But it's not mine."

Nagtaas ako bigla ng tingin. "Tinatakbuhan mo ba siya?"

Umawang ang bibig niya at gulat nang nakatingin ngayon sa akin, tila hindi makapaniwala sa sinasabi ko.

I bit the insides of my cheek before continuing, "Ayaw mo ba siya panagutan dahil okay tayo? Dahil nandito ako?"

Itinikom niya ang bibig niya at iritadong binasa iyon gamit ang dila niya. He heaved a deep breath bedore talking to me again.

"I would never do that!" he frustratedly say, but he tried to calm himself down. "Hindi kita yayayaing bumuo ng pamilya kung nakabuntis ako ng iba. I never wanted to do it with Jacquelyn or with anyone! Sa loob ng ilang taon na wala ka, wala akong ibang tiningnan, wala akong ibang hinalikan, wala akong ibang minahal. Ikaw lang. Makaya ko pa kayang gumawa ng bata?"

"I waited—No, I'm waiting patiently for you. I have no intention to make love with someone I don't love nor I have an intention to make a wonderful baby with someone I doesn't even like."

"Hindi ako tumatakbo, Siennese. Hindi ako marunong tumakbo." Umiling siya. Nanatili akong tahimik at pinanood siyang kapain ang bulsa ng pantalon niya. Iniharap niya iyon sa akin bago tiningnan kung sino ang natawag. It was Earl.

"It's just my brother. I assure you, it's not about Jacquelyn. It's about Elide," aniya at pinatay ulit iyon. "Tinusok ng kapitbahay niya sa clinic ang mata ng isang pusa niya. Now, he's mad than the hatter and he wants to file a case. Mommy is out of the country, so we can't decide yet. Nagwawala siya sa bahay ngayon at nagbabanta na susunugin niya raw 'yong disco noong nanusok sa pusa niya. Now that you know why Earl is calling, let's talk about our issues again."

Gulat na gulat ako sa nangyayari sa kapatid niya, pero heto kami at nakabalik na naman sa una naming pinag-uusapan. I'm not that into cats, but that's absurd. Wala namang ginagawa iyong pusa, bakit kailangang gawan ng ganoon?

Plus, he's really good at communicating. Kapag talaga pareho kaming may oras para makapag-usap, nagkakaliwanagan naman kami.

"Inimbitahan nila noon si Daddy para makipag-deal. I'm not the father, but they want me to stoop in and accept the baby. I said I don't want to because I'm inlove with someone else. I want to marry that woman, I want to create a family with that woman, and I want to be with her."

My chest was going up and down while he was talking. His words are clear and direct, but I don't understand. Mabilis ang paghinga ko at tinitigan ko siya. His eyes are forlorn and when he took a step closer to hold me, his touch was softer than my blanket.