No Looking Back

Chapter 16

My life is falling apart. It all started a couple months ago, when Aleisha died. In a car accident. Now Mackenzie? I run and get back into my car and I drive home. This is by far the worst Christmas ever.. it's my first one without Aleisha. Mackenzie is..dead. I drive home and I see the boys' cars in the driveway, shit. They must be worried about me, I was gone all night. I walk in and fake a smile at them, "Hey guys! Merry Christmas! I went to go buy Christmas gifts." I lie, "You know? For my parents and siblings." I look at them and they have a sad look on their face. "What's wrong?"

"Did you watch the news?" Shit. It's on the news? Of course it is, anything rarely happens around here. 

"No," I lie once again, well it's not a complete lie, I didn't watch the news, I was there. "Why?"

"There was a fatal car crash dude." I try to act shocked. That car crash was partially my fault.. if it weren't for me following Mackenzie.. I should've just left her alone. Now she's dead. Just like Aleisha. Another death that's my fault..

"Okay?So?" I try to act like if it is no biggie.

"Mackenzie's car. Mackenzie was in a car crash." Calum chokes out, I don't know why Calum cares. He didn't really like Mackenzie, as a friend he did but nothing more. He faked having a crush on her to get me mad and it worked but at least he didn't try anything on her.

"Oh." Hearing those words always get to me, 'car crash.' The last big car crash that I cared about was Aleisha's. Oh god how I miss her. I am so sorry,Aleisha. You didn't deserve this. Mackenzie, you didn't either. God I am so sorry. I do deserve to die. I'm the worst person ever.. I deserve to die, and I'm going to. "Hey guys I'll be upstairs, in my room." I say to the boys and look at them for the last time.

Victoria's POV:

I can't believe it. I won't believe it. Mackenzie can't be gone. I look over at Nick and he looks like if he's about to hurl, "Are you okay?" I ask already knowing the answer.

"No. I'm not okay." He says looking deep into my eyes,his eyes are filled with tears and pain. I reach in to hug him but he pushes me away, "Get off of me, you bitch. You do realize this is all our fault." I thought of it and I realize it is our fault. How could this be? We didn't do anything, but we did. We shattered her heart. Mackenzie is so fragile, I was just thinking about myself and not about how she would feel and react to it. God. I'm such a bitch. Mackenzie is dead thanks to me. Thanks to my selfishness. Now Nick is mad at me. He should be mad at himself. 

"Nick.." 

"Don't talk to me. Please, just drive me to the airport." I realize that it's time for him to leave. I tell him to get all of his stuff and I'll meet him in the car. While he's getting his stuff ready and I'm waiting in the car, I can't help but think of Mackenzie. This just doesn't feel right. It doesn't feel like she's really gone..maybe I'm just saying this to make myself feel better. I drove her to her death.. I'm a murderer?

"Ready?" I ask Nick once he gets in the car. He just nods and puts on his seatbelt. We have a long drive to the airport, especially with Christmas traffic. "Nick."

"What." He says coldly.

"You can't possibly blame me for this," I look over at him and look at the sadness in his face, "It was your plan too. So don't take it all out on me. Even I'm blaming myself for this and you should too.Blaming yourself isn't a good thing to do but in this situation we should. All we have is eachother now."

"Keep your eyes on the road,Victoria." I look away from him and keep my eyes focused on the road, "I don't want us to end up like Mackenzie." I tense up a bit and tears start forming at my eyes, but I blink them away. While driving to the airport, we have to take a detour since a road is blocked. I look at the road and realize..it's the car crash scene. I try so hard not to break down in tears, I don't deserve to cry. I caused this. Nick is looking over at the scene and then bites on his bottom lip, he only does that when he feels guilty. "She didn't deserve this you know." Nick starts talking, "She had an amazing future ahead of her. She didn't even get to have her own family. Her number one goal in life was to be happy." I quickly glance over at Nick and see that he's crying. "I bet she's real happy now. She never got to be an FBI Agent either. She didn't get to do a lot of things Victoria, it's our fault. That should've been one of us.." He can't stop crying, he keeps trying to talk but the more he talks the more he cries. It all comes out in chunks, "We...deserve...to..die." I'm with him on that one. Sooner or later we arrived at the airport and I drop him off, I say goodbye and tell him I love him, after all, you never know when the last time you see someone will be.

Calum's POV:

"Should we check up on Luke?" I ask Ashton, since Michael is too into the new playstation four we all bought for him. 

"Yeah.. I don't think he's handling this too well, especially after Aleisha. Poor Luke." Ashton stands up after me and we start making our way upstairs to Luke's room.

"This is sad ya know? Luke deserves to be happy Ash."

"I know Cal.. I know. This year has been a rough one for him, I'm surprised at how he's been handling it. He's a strong guy. He's probably taking a nap to cope with this."

"Yeah, maybe. Let's try to talk to him." I say as I knock on Luke's door and call his name. I keep knocking, "That's weird."

"Maybe he's asleep?" Ashton suggests.

"Maybe. Let's check to make sure." I start to reach for the doorknob but Ashton pushes my hand away. 

"What if he's naked?" Ashton teases and starts laughing, I can't help but laugh too.

"Who cares." I wink at Ashton, "Luke's pretty sexy." This time when I reach for the doorknob,Ashton doesn't push my hand away. We open the door and we find Luke on the ground. "What a weird place to sleep, he has such a big bed, comfy too."

"Cal.." I look at Ash and look at what he's looking at. There's empty pill bottles and blood everywhere.