My Allegiance (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 4: Be More Careful

INTRO: Maybe training with Kylo Ren isn't going to be as easy to keep a secret as you'd hoped.
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You arrive at Kylo's quarters early the next morning. Deciding to try and accept your new reality, you wear a black utility dress, similar to the one Myra let you borrow - maybe if you try and look the part, Kylo will go easier on you? That makes no sense, you think to yourself. But it's worth a try.
When you get to his quarters, the door is already open, but this time, Kylo is standing there, waiting for you.
"Good morning, Commander," you say, trying to find his eyes under his mask.
"Come in," he says. You hesitantly walk down the long hallway into the room from your previous meetings, but Kylo grabs your arm and pulls you in a different direction, sending shock waves through your entire body. You hate the effect he has on you, but...you can't lie to yourself. It's pretty amazing.
"Today, we'll be training in a different place," he says. "I would suggest keeping your feelings in check. Know that I can sense them."
"I'm sorry, what?" you spin around to face him. "What the hell does that mean?"
"I know the effect I have on you. I can feel it. Soon, you'll learn to feel it too."
What the fuck does that mean?
He guides you into a huge room, similar to the conference room from your first day. This room has a giant window carved into one of the walls, overlooking the entire First Order fleet. In the distance, you can see a speck of Dagobah, and your heart aches. I wonder if Master Derk knows what I've done?
"I brought you here to show you the magnitude of what you've accepted," he says. "Each one of those ships is under our command. General Hux and I have been testing a weapon, strong enough to destroy entire planets. I've decided to test this out with you today." Your heart sinks. What did he just say? "I'm thinking of starting with Dagobah." Immediately, you feel as if you're going to faint.
"No!" you blurt out. "Please, no, Commander. My family is on Dagobah," you lie.
"Your family?" he questions. "You have no need for them now. Your life is the First Order."
You panic, not sure what to say. "Please, Commander," you say, hoping he'll find some sympathy. How can he find sympathy? He's the most unemotional asshole you've met.
He pauses. "Why do I sense something else in you?" you freeze. He advances on you, using the Force to hold you in place. He stands so close, you mind tells you that you can feel his hot breath on your ear. Of course, this isn't the case, but it still sends you into a fury of lust.
"Something...some sort of, call to the Light inside of you. If you're truly Ex-Resistance, you'll have no problem destroying Dagobah. But, if Dagobah means so much to you, you should have no problem telling me where the rebel base is located." Your heart races with excitement. Did you just outsmart Kylo Ren?
"Yes, Commander," you say. "The rebel base is on Endor." You'd never been to Endor, but you'd heard stories about it from Master Derk. He used to train there.
"Good," he whispers, and walks over to a large control panel. He clicks a few buttons, targeting Endor, a mere speck of dust in the distance. "Fire when ready," he tells you, and you can tell he's smirking through the mask.
"Me?" you whisper. "You want..."
"Absolutely," he sneers.
You walk over next to him, so close that he places a hand on your shoulder. Hesitantly, you reach for the trigger, knowing you're completely betraying everything you've learned from Master Derk. You close your eyes, and pull the trigger. When you open your eyes, you're met with the view of a small explosion in the distance, and Endor is gone.
"Perfect," he says, squeezing your shoulder. "This is your first step."
You look into his mask, becoming frustrated. If you're going to rule by this guy's side, you need to know what he looks like. You still have doubts about if he's even human at all.
"Commander," you say, confidently. "If you're going to train me, I need to know who I'm working with."
He freezes in shock. You can tell that no one has ever asked to see under his mask before. Hesitantly, he reaches for the latches on his helmet. Slowly, he pulls off the helmet, exposing his face underneath.
If you were attracted to Kylo Ren before he took off the mask, you don't know what to call this feeling. His black hair falls in waves around his face, caressing his strong jawline. His eyes, a deep brown, drawing you in closer. His lips, soft, curled into thin line. Beautiful doesn't begin to describe what you're seeing right now. You've never seen anyone like him.
"Is there a problem?" he asks, saying your name sweetly. Without the voice filter, his voice is smooth, seductive.
"Not at all," you breathe, hoping he can't sense what you're feeling right now.
"Good. Let's begin," he says, gently taking his lightsaber and holding it up to you. "Here."
You stare blankly at him, still not recovered from what just happened. "Huh?"
"Ignite it. I wanna see my assistant holding my lightsaber," he says, with a light smirk on his face, almost mocking you.
You take the lightsaber from him, and immediately notice its intense weight. It's nothing like the lightsabers you've trained with - this one is heavy, with exposed wires tangling through the outside. You find the switch and ignite the saber. Immediately, it crackles to life, the blade coming off the hilt in three directions.
"Holy shit," you whisper. This is his lightsaber?
"Soon, you'll construct your own. But you need to begin to feel the power that comes from it and how to control it." You can't believe your ears. I'm making my own lightsaber?
Kylo watches you as you swing the saber around. "You're a natural," he whispers. Little does he know, you've held one many times before.
"Uh, just an instinct, I guess," you lie.
Eventually, he takes the lightsaber back from you and examines it himself. He then turns it off and puts it away. Turning back to you, he says, "Tomorrow, we'll test something on you. I have a few...things I need to learn."
"Oh really? What kind of things?" you say slyly.
"None of your concern," he says, and turns his back. "Arrive two hours ahead of schedule tomorrow."
"Kylo, uh, I mean, Commander, are you sure that's necessary?"
"Yes," he says, cutting you off. "I will see you then."
Feeling rejected, you turn to leave, but stop when he calls your name.
"Remember who it is that you obey," he tells you, looking right in your eyes, then turns back around. What the fuck? You think as you walk out of his quarters, feeling like you'd done something wrong.

As you're heading down to the Mess Hall for dinner, Tony passes by you.
"Oh hey, Tony!" you say enthusiastically, trying your best to be friendly.
"Hello," he says, and stops walking. "Hey, I've been meaning to talk to you about your job with Kylo Ren."
Your heart stops. "Oh?"
"Yeah," he says, walking towards you. "What exactly does being his assistant entail?"
"Oh, really nothing much, just what I told you guys yesterday - paperwork, filing, that sort of..."
"Really?" he says, cutting you off. "Because when I was doing my job today, I heard reports of the planet Endor being blown to smithereens. I was fixing a transport that was scheduled to go there in a few hours." Oh, that's right, Tony's working as an engineer. Of course he heard about Endor. "You were with Kylo Ren when it blew up, weren't you? Did he, oh I don't know...mention anything about it?"
You're unable to breathe, Tony's backed you into a corner, and no excuses are coming to mind. "Uh, no, I didn't know anything about it," you lie, trying not to show how nervous you are. "Why are you so concerned with my business anyways?" you ask angrily, gaining some confidence back.
"Because I'm not trying to mess this assignment up. None of us are. But if you're treating Kylo Ren in a way that's making him blow up planets, think of what he'll do to the rest of us. Be more careful, or we'll all be sent back." He thinks you made Kylo Ren angry?
"Tony, that's not what happened...I don't know why he blew up Endor..."
"Bullshit," he says. "There was a small base located on Endor. He must suspect you're not actually Ex-Resistance. Either change the way you're acting, or watch all of us fail."
There was a base on Endor? You'd just said the first name you'd thought of. Fuck.
"Fine," you say. With that, he walks away. You let go of the breath you were holding and try and regain your strength. Tony's onto me, you think. So weird. Why does he care so much anyway? Then you realize, no, you're endangering you're entire group. If Kylo Ren ever finds out you're actually training to become a Jedi, your whole group's fucked. You would hate to lose the relationship you have with him and let down your friends.

You run down the stairs to the Mess Hall, still shaken up, but recovering. All of a sudden, your thoughts are consumed with Kylo Ren. Everything about him, his face, his demeanor, the way he looks at you. He makes you feel like no one else ever has. Of course, you mind still wanders to thoughts of Rowan, but somehow, always find their way back to him. He's taken over your life.

You grab a plate of food, say hello to your friends, and quickly eat it, eager to go back to your room and look for any messages on your data pad. Sure, this is wishful thinking. Why would Kylo send you anything? Still, you're hungry for any piece of him. You begin to ascend the stairs back to your quarters. You enter the darkest part of the stairs - it's an area that seems like whoever designed it forgot to place a window there, so everything is dim. All of a sudden, you feel a gloved hand on your arm, pulling you into a side room. You feel the urge to yell, but another gloved hand covers your mouth. Your mind is screaming, you're kicking, thrashing, and then you look at who your attacker is.

Kylo stands in front of you. You both are in a closed off room, with no windows, only a small stream of light coming in through a crack in the door. The small bit of light illuminates his face (he's taken off his helmet), making him look even more beautiful than you remember.
"Kylo what..."
"What are you doing to me?" he says strongly, but not angrily.
"What do you mean?" you ask.
"You're all I can think about. My assistant. Pathetic. How are you doing it?" he asks, growing angry. "You're consuming my mind."
"Kylo, I'm not..."
But before you have a chance to speak, he pulls you closer to him, so that his breath mingles with yours. You feel your heart beating out of your chest, lust consuming you.
"You don't know what you do to me," he whispers. "I don't know how you're doing it. But don't stop."
With that, he pulls you closer, your lips touching. You're unable to breathe as he places his hand on your lower back, pulling you even closer to him. When he breaks the kiss, you feel yourself shaking.
"Remember, two hours early tomorrow. My quarters," he whispers. Then he lets you go, and leaves the small room. You're left shaking and breathing heavy, your mind a complete mess. What have I done?

NOTES:
a cliffhanger! and a little bit of fluff, but there's much more to come ;) for some reason kylo was hard to write in this one, not sure why. i'm still trying to sort out all his emotions and how to convey them. hope you're enjoying it so far!