My Allegiance (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 7: I Know What You Want

INTRO: Gods, it's hard to face Rowan. Or anyone, for that matter.
*tw:* choking
-
You decide to meet James and Myra at the Mess Hall for lunch. You walk over to their table and sit down, not bothering to grab any food for yourself.
"So, yeah, that message was about me."
"Damn," James says. "Sorry."
"Not your fault," you say. "I didn't realize how much Derk was expecting from us. I fucked up. I just have to find a way to fix it."
"Let me know if you need any help," Myra says. "I love writing these kinds of things."
"I should be fine. But guess what? Tony tried to..." you stop your words quickly as you realize Tony's sitting directly behind you with his other engineers.
"What?" James asks.
"Uh, nothing," you say, making a short gesture behind you. "I'll tell you guys later."
You glance around the Mess Hall, not choosing anything to focus on. You secretly hope that Kylo will walk in and take you, take you into a small room and force choke the shit out of you...fuck. No. You shudder and try to remove this thought from your brain. Nothing can get in the way of my work, remember? Especially an intimate relationship with my boss.
You continue to look around, and then notice someone walking towards you. Your stomach drops and you feel your face flush. Rowan.
"Oh hi," James says, noticing her coming.
"Hey guys," she says, her voice like honey to your ears. She looks into your eyes, her face blushing - you assume she's thinking about the last time she saw you. "Can I talk to you?" she says to you, and your heart starts to flutter.
You walk away from the table with her and out of the Mess Hall. She leads you into a side room and sits down on one of the chairs inside.
"Ugh, finally, I've been meaning to talk to you," she sighs. "I got relocated."
"Oh, no way," you say, slightly surprised. Although Kylo told you beforehand, you weren't expecting him to go through with it.
"Yeah, now I'm down in a room closer to the Medbay. Which I guess is better, since my old room was super far. But it's so weird...they didn't tell me why I was moving - these guards just knocked on my door one night and told me where I had to go."
"Huh," you say, trying to find something to talk about. "That's so weird."
"It is," she sighs. "Oh, the weirdest thing happened. This morning, guess who came into my office?"
"Who?" you ask, not really paying attention.
"Kylo Ren." The sound of his name sent shocks through your body.
"Wait why? Your office?" you ask, words coming out hurriedly.
"Well, not my office, but he came into the Medbay. Something about a terrible headache."
That's not like him, you think. "So weird," you say.
"Dude, he's terrifying," she laughs.
"You don't have to tell me twice! I have to deal with him every day!" you say playfully.
"Yeah, speaking of which, how is that going?"
"Well, if you love being manipulated, it's great," you joke. "No, he's okay, but super strict."
"Aw, I'm sorry. I wish I could transfer you to the Medbay. Now that I've learned what to do, it's easier. I could put in a good word for you if you want to switch," she says. Hmm. It seems like a good idea, but you don't necessarily want to leave Kylo.
"Oh, that's okay," you say. "No need."
"Alright," she says. "In any case, I miss you. I wanna see you more often," she says slyly, getting up from her chair and walking to you. She puts her hand on your arm and leans in close to your face. "Maybe we could arrange a...meeting sometime soon," she whispers, and presses her lips to yours. A wave of lust overcomes you, and instinctually, you lean into the kiss. But once you realize what you're doing, you pull away from her harshly. She looks up at you, surprised, with pain in her eyes.
"No," you say. "I'm sorry. It's not you. It's Kylo."
"What the fuck?" she whispers.
"Oh, no, not like that. He, uh, says I can't be in any relationships with this job. I don't know why."
"Oh, so that you can be his little plaything, huh," she says.
"Rowan, no, it's not like that," you say, but nothing helps.
"No. I get it." She pushes past you and exits the room, leaving you in a shocked state. Are you kidding me? Great, now your only stable friendship has gone completely down the drain. Sure, you were more than friends. And she could never understand the restraints Kylo keeps on your life. But it still hurts watching her walk away.
Deep down, you know this had to happen. Eventually, Rowan had to leave. You just hope you can still be friends.
You slowly walk out of the room, trying to regain your confidence. She had to find out eventually.
You walk back to your lunch table, and Myra notices your change in demeanor right away.
"What happened?"
"Oh, nothing," you say, trying to hide your disappointment. "She needed confirmation on some First Order things."
"Okay," Myra says, picking at her food. "Gods, I'm not hungry. I'm so nervous. I'm overseeing a huge flight later today and I'm so stressed."
"Good luck," James says. "I overheard that Hux is gonna be on that ship. It's going to Coruscant, right?"
"Yes," Myra whispers. "I don't wanna mess it up."
"You'll be fine," you pat her on the back. "What is there to mess up? You watch the ship, click a few buttons, and you're done. No big deal."
Myra frowns. "Look, maybe you aren't taking your job very seriously, but that doesn't mean we aren't," she snaps.
You step back, shocked. "Hey. I did nothing wrong."
"Really? Because Derk didn't single you out for nothing. Remember, if you go down, and we all do." She turns back around and looks back at her data pad. "I'm leaving. Pre-flight inspection. Bye." She shoves past you and James and strides down the hallway.
"The stress must be getting to her," James says, trying to comfort you. "I doubt she meant much of it."
"No, she's right," you say. "I need to get my act together. Speaking of which, I should go. I'll see you at dinner."
"Okay," James says, turning back to his food. You walk away and down the hallway. You can see Myra in the distance, and you contemplate calling out to her, but decide against it. You turn the corner and descend a flight of stairs, then continue walking until you reach the long dark hallway to Commander Ren's quarters. He said not to come today, your mind screams at you. But something tells you to go inside.

The door is unlocked, so you close it behind you and continue down the hallway to find Kylo. You decide to call out his name, and when you do, he walks out of a side room along the hallway.
"What are you doing here?" he asks, with a slight tone of anger in his voice.
"I just...I heard you were admitted to the Medbay and wanted to make sure everything was okay."
"That wasn't necessary. Is that all?" his mechanical voice cracks behind his mask.
"Uh. I guess so," you say, turning to leave, when he grabs your arm.
"Wait. There's something I need to know." He pulls you into the room he came from, and has you sit down on one of the chairs inside. When you're situated, he turns back to face you.
"How are you doing it?" he asks.
"Doing what?"
"You're always inside my head. Why? I can see your every intent. It's killing me."
You knew he could sense your emotions, but now he's hearing you?
"I'm not sure...I'm not trying to do that, Kylo," you say earnestly, hoping he'll trust you're being honest.
"Then do you have an explanation? I'm sick of it." That stung a little.
"No, I'm sorry, Commander."
He paces around the room. "Fine. You're free to leave." You move to get up from your chair but his voice stops you.
"Oh, and I know what you want," he says, his mask glaring at you under the dim lights. Knows what I want? Your mind scrambles to understand what he means. What I...oh. You remember your force-choking daydreams from the Mess Hall.
"Commander I..."
"Quiet," he says, and you suddenly feel yourself being thrust to the wall by an invisible strength. Your head bangs against the metal wall and sends your brain spiraling in a whirlwind of pain and lust. Your breath is knocked out of you as Kylo approaches you, pressing his body into yours. You reach for your neck, your face turning purple from the lack of air, but your arms are pinned against your sides. Finally, the hold on you is released and you drop to the floor. You clutch at your neck, your blood pumping through your veins at a speed you didn't know was possible. Kylo leans into your crumbled body. "Good girl," he whispers into your ear. Shivers of lust stream through your veins as he strides away from you.
You get up and turn to walk away, not sure if you're allowed to.
"See you tomorrow morning," he says blankly, as if he didn't just choke you against the wall.
"Goodbye Commander," you whisper, walking out of his room and down the dark hallway. You can feel your heartbeat in your chest, in your brain, and, to your dismay, between your legs. You hate that you love him, and you hate how he makes you feel. But you can't seem to get enough.

As you walk out of Kylo's quarters and down the hallway to your room, James meets you, his face flushed. He breathes heavily before looking into your eyes.
"Myra's unconscious." Your heart drops. What did he say?
-
NOTES:
i wasn't planning on having any kylo scenes, and, well, you can see how that went. aaaand another cliffhanger! i promise that won't be every chapter, but for the beginning ones, why not? seven chapters in! thanks for sticking with me!