My Allegiance (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 17: Special to Him

INTRO: So, someone might be onto you. Or not. But Gods, living in constant paranoia is driving you insane.
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The next morning you wake up early, eager to head to Kylo's quarters. Yesterday, you were...interrupted, and you're hoping to possibly get some more 'alone time' if you're lucky. That is, if Hux doesn't barge in again. Could he be the one onto you? No, that's impossible, right? He couldn't possibly know your true reason for being here. At least, you hope he doesn't.

You rummage through your closet and find your black dress with the plunging neckline - you'd forgotten about it and hadn't thought you'd ever want to wear it - but hey, why not try something new? You pull it up your body and glance at yourself in the mirror - the dress hugs your curves perfectly, accentuates every angle. You feel stupid at first, almost like you're trying to dress 'for him' - but the more you look at yourself, the more you feel beautiful. You decide to wear it, despite it being a little bit out of your comfort zone.

You rush down to his quarters, glancing at the time on your data pad. Even though you woke up early, you're already somehow behind schedule. You swing open the door, run down the hallway, and rush into his bedroom. As if he'd expected you'd enter his room, he's left you a note: "Go to Command Base 2, just off the main hallway near your quarters. I'll meet you there." How does he know where my quarters are? you wonder, pocketing the note. And why can't we meet here?

You slowly walk back down the hall, your mind racing. You're probably just overthinking it, right? You head back to your quarters, trying to find the set of "Command Bases" Kylo is referencing. You pass your room and continue down the corridor to find an open room with five doors on all sides. Each room is marked with a number with "Command Base" preceding it. You smile and walk over to Command Base 2, slowly turning the doorknob and walking inside.

The room is brightly lit, trying to imitate natural lighting. It's refreshing, given the lack of this kind of light in the Finalizer. The room is a greenish-blue hue, with mock 'rays' of light dazzling around the room. You feel incredibly peaceful walking in - something you haven't felt on the Finalizer in a while.

He's standing there, waiting for you, holding a piece of metal in his hands.
"You found my note," he says.
"Yep," you say, shrugging. "Why did you call me here?"
"I've gotten a prototype of your lightsaber. If it's not what you meant, you can make changes." You gasp as he hands the saber over to you. It's exactly has you'd imagined it: the hilt is black and heavy, with small rods of silver running through it. You slide the switch on the hilt up and the saber crackles to life, the three red blades humming. You swing it around carefully, trying to process what you're holding.
"Kylo, I..." you start, but don't know how to finish. "It's perfect."
He smirks as he watches you hold the saber in your hands. You look at him and watch as his eyes roam over your body, taking you in. He's definitely noticed the dress, that's for sure. And although you didn't want to dress for him, you're glad you wore this. It makes you feel powerful - like you have something he wants.

"It's my turn," he says. "In two days, I'll teach you proper technique. But for now, I need that Resistance information."
"Two days?"
"Yes. Tomorrow, I have business I need to attend to."
"Alright. Well, get this over with," you say, gesturing to your head, inviting him to take the data he needs. You feel the familiar pressure in your skull as you watch his face change - you can tell he's struggling to extract what he wants. For some reason, this time feels different, almost like he's digging through your mind to find information but is unable to. He quickly breaks the pressure and grabs your wrist, pulling you him harshly.
"What are you hiding?" he sneers. "There's something in there you don't want me to see."
You feel yourself sweating, your mind racing.
"Kylo, no, there's nothing, I swear..."
"You're lying," he says, roughly releasing his grip but closing in on you. "Why are you lying to me?"
You look into his eyes, sensing the pain in his voice. His eyes are full of hurt, such immense hurt that you don't know what to say.

"Kylo, I promise you. There's nothing I'm hiding," you say, your guilt shattering you.
"I want to trust you," he says, his anger returning. "I don't know how."

"I can show you," you say calmly. You walk closer to him slowly, making sure to keep your voice calm and low. You place your hands on his chest and look up at him, his eyes still full of rage. You place your lips on his, tenderly at first. He places his gloved hand on your jawline lightly, caressing your face. You don't remember ever having this kind of soft, intimate moment. Everything with him has been passion, lust, heat...and this is calm. You both are absorbing the energy of the room, allowing its peaceful nature to enter the love you hold. You break the kiss and hold him against your chest. He melts into your arms, his head resting on top of yours.

Eventually, he pulls away, but keeps his body close to you.
"That's all I need for today," he says. "See you in two days."
You reach over and take his hand, running your fingers over the rough leather. You feel connected to him in a way you never thought possible - of course, he's still very distant from you, but these small moments you share make you feel special. You wonder how many other girls he's had moments like this with...you start to feel jealousy rising up in your chest, but try and shake it off. Gods, you hope you're as special to him as he is to you.
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NOTES:
shorter chapter for today! i love this soft version of kylo, and tried a new kind of setting to match it. i love writing passionate and angry kylo, but it was fun to switch it up :) hope it touched on all the right feels for you! thank you for reading!