My Allegiance (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 12: Loyalty

INTRO: You need to do something about your report...and fast.
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The next morning, you stride down the hallway of Kylo's quarters, eager to start your training for the day. The message from Master Derk is still stuck in your brain: "These reports are vital...". You can't let Derk down this time, but how are you supposed to send him anything when you haven't been learned anything you can tell?

You keep wandering around his quarters, glancing in each room for any sign of life. But with each room, his quarters seem to get darker and darker. Your eyes struggle to adjust to the lack of light - Gods, where is he? Did he forget? You realize how stupid that sounds, of course he didn't forget, but your heart fills with worry. What if something happened to him?

You enter the room with the handcuff-chair and laugh to yourself upon looking at it. That's where he felt me, you shudder. I wish he'd do that again. You walk over to the window ledge and look out at the massive fleet - your heart flutters when you think about how you will be the one leading it in a few months. That is, if you go through with this. Because, honestly, how long can you keep this up? It seems wrong to continue lying to Kylo...but you need to in order to stay here. You glance down, trying to force the tears welling up in your eyes to disappear, when you notice a small piece of parchment resting on the ledge.

You pick it up, your hands shaking, and peruse the handwriting. Kylo's. You've never seen anything like it - it's unlike any handwriting you've seen before. The letters swirl and bend on the page, forming your name. Your heart flutters as you run your finger over his penmanship - it's an honor to have something of his, just for you.

"I had a large errand I needed to run, and could not connect to your data pad. Come back tomorrow. See you then." It's not much, but you appreciate the gesture. You smile and fold the paper up, placing it in your back pocket for safekeeping. After all, you have no idea how long you'll be on the Finalizer - why not keep a souvenir?

You glance around the room, not entirely sure what to do. You're already here, so why go all the way back to your quarters right now? You decide to have a look around. Sure, this probably isn't the best decision, but Kylo seems to trust you. Plus, if you're set to be his Empress, you need to know what you're getting into.

You stride down the dark hallways of his quarters, noticing rooms you've never seen before. You glance at every window, every wall, every crack in the dark floors. In all your time here, you've never genuinely looked around, which seems hard to believe. You've been too focused on pleasing Kylo to take it all in - and his quarters are truly a work of art. Each room not only has a 'theme' of sorts, but connects to the others, all entwined in Sith energy. Yes, you're supposed to be a Jedi, but something about the Sith is alluring.

You enter a room off a side hallway. The walls are plain, with dark accents throughout. There are a few short chairs lining the walls with a conference-style table set up in the middle. This must be where Kylo holds his meetings, you think, noticing the chair at the head of the table. That must be his. You walk over and take a seat, trying to see the world from his perspective. Something about the energy, the room...it gives you power. You can see yourself 'ruling' over it all - which, you suppose, is a good thing, seeing as you're training for that exact position. But, sitting in Kylo's chair, you finally understand what you've gotten into. His Empress. The thought sends a shiver down your spine, but also fills you with a sense of pride. I'm gonna be his Empress. The magnitude of it has finally set in - and you're ready to take it on.

You glance down at the table and notice a short stack of papers filled with a handwriting you've never seen - most likely General Hux's. You shuffle the papers, looking through them, until you comprehend what they are. Plans for an attack on the base in Coruscant. Your heart stops. Holy shit. That's why Hux was going there - undercover, to see if the base was real. That's the mission Myra was controlling. And now they're planning an attack.

You feel yourself starting to hyperventilate - you're stuck with a decision you would do anything to not have to make. Master Derk needs information, and I don't have any. These plans are exactly what I need. Kylo would never know I took them. You're filled with excitement at the prospect of finally doing your job correctly. But Kylo trusts me. Your entire being fills with dread - how can I choose? You want to stay loyal to Kylo, but without these papers, you might not get to see him again. Master Derk is expecting so much from you this week - and these papers are your ticket to staying on the Finalizer.

Against your better judgement, you pick up the papers from the table, your hands shaking profusely. You shuffle them so that they're even, and then fold them over so they can fit in your back pocket next to Kylo's note. You feel tears welling up in your eyes, guilt coursing through your veins. You try your best to justify it - 'if I don't get these, I might get kicked off the Finalizer' - but nothing seems to help. You feel awful about your choice, even though it seems to be the only choice you have.

Back in your quarters, you take out Kylo's note and decide you'll wedge it in the base of your mirror. You want to keep it somewhere safe, but somewhere that isn't suspicious - if anyone asks, you could just say it's a paper from your job, or something. Before you put it away, you smile as you look at it - having something of his makes your whole body warm. He wrote it just for me. You run your finger over your name, tracing the letters with care. He made your name beautiful.

Then, your heart sinks as you remember what you've done. I don't deserve any of this. You feel disgusted with yourself, with the consequences that could come from giving Master Derk the information. But, hey, the First Order probably has tons of attacks planned, right? Plus, you haven't even heard of the base on Coruscant. You sigh, knowing that no amount of justifying it is going to make you feel any better.

Pulling the plans out of your pocket, you unfold the parchment and study the handwriting. Hux's. Modern and professional. The diagrams depict the perimeter of a base, with entries marked. These markings are accompanied by numbers, most likely the numbers of the stormtroopers who would be attacking those areas. You shudder at that thought - imagine those people inside, completely innocent, watching as their base is destroyed. You feel a bit better knowing that you're preventing this, but you still feel guilty about betraying the First Order.

You open your data pad, and enter the scan setting. You hold the data pad up to the documents, allowing the pad to scan the pages. Once it's completed, you attach them to a message to Master Derk: "I hope that these documents make up for last week's report. They are First Order plans to attack the Resistance base on Coruscant. General Hux was leading the attack, and I found these documents in the quarters of Commander Ren. They are stolen property, and I would appreciate my name not be attached to the finding of them." Best to keep yourself anonymous, it can't hurt. "Please let me know if you need anything else. I hope this is enough." Sure, that last part wasn't needed, but you wanted Derk to know you're trying to make an improvement. Gods, they better appreciate this, or I just risked my relationship with Kylo for nothing.

You reluctantly hit send, and a wave of relief washes over you. Hopefully I'm off the hook, you pray, and lie back on your bed. You wonder what the others did for their reports: Myra probably didn't have to submit one, Rowan probably has tons to say about the Medbay, James is hardworking, he'll be fine, and Tony? Who knows, honestly. He creeps you out in a way that you haven't felt for anyone else - almost like there's something he's hiding. Why is he so obsessed with me, too? You still can't get the thought of him ratting you out to Arkins out of your mind. Gods, how did he even know you weren't 'on task' anyways? What a creep.

You glance back over at Kylo's note, stuffed under your mirror, to make yourself feel better. You were hoping to see him today, and are still feeling disappointed that you didn't. You try and console yourself, knowing you'll see him again tomorrow, but the 'longing' is still there. You fall asleep with the thought of your name in his writing - him picking up the pen, carving out each letter, and being satisfied with his work. Something so simple, but so sacred.
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NOTES:
a chapter entirely from the reader-character's mind! i've always wanted to do it, and i finally sat down and tried my best. i love inserting myself into her mind and being like 'well, what would i do?' and it's super fun to write that way. and ugh, she's so conflicted! her emotions are so much, but hey, they match kylo's in a sense. anyways, i love u always, thank u for reading!