My Allegiance (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 22: A Part of You

INTRO: So maybe Rowan is ready to forgive you? Or...maybe not.
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You wake up and hop out of bed, eager to start your day. Yesterday, Kylo didn't ask you to come in until tonight, something about him visiting the 'Supreme Leader.' You didn't even know there was a power higher than him. Who is this person? And why is he ruling over Kylo?

You check your data pad and realize you've slept in much later than you'd expected you would - you've missed lunch. You decide to go down to the Mess Hall and pick up some food, then hopefully sneak it back into your room. James and Myra are probably at their jobs, so you wouldn't have anyone to sit with - you'd rather just eat alone in your quarters.

You walk down the stairs to the Mess Hall when you bump right into James.
"Oh hi!" you say once you recognize him.
"Hey! Don't you have work today?"
"Not until tonight," you say. "What about you?"
"Just finished my break," he said. "I'm already behind schedule today!"
"Oh, sorry about that! Hey, maybe tonight, do you and Myra wanna hang out when I get back? I could use a break," you say.
"Yeah, sounds great. Meet in your room?"
"Sure!" you say, glad to have something to look forward to. "Can you message Myra and see if she's available?"
"Absolutely," James says, lighting up when he hears Myra's name. "Hopefully she is. It'll be nice to do some catching up."
"For sure!" you say as he walks away. "See you then!"

He waves and you continue down the hallway until you reach the Mess Hall. Luckily, it's pretty much deserted. You walk to the counter, pick up some prepackaged food and stuff it into your pocket. Normally, you aren't allowed to bring food outside of the Mess Hall, but they don't seem to notice you.

You walk out of the Mess Hall and head back to your room, not really noticing what you're doing - your mind is naturally taking you to your room without you having to think about it. You zone out so much though that at first, your mind doesn't register the hand pulling you into a room off the main hallway.

"What the fuck?" you gasp, trying to free yourself from their hand. They drag you further into the room and shut the door, and finally you see who your captor is.
"Rowan?"
"We need to talk," she says, sitting on her bed and pointing at the floor, gesturing for you to sit.
You hesitantly take a seat, worried about how this could go.
"Look. I was awful to you on our way to Dagobah. You don't deserve that. I was hurt because I thought we were...I don't know, something. But, you've made it clear that we aren't, and I know better now."
"Oh, Rowan, I'm so sorry. I thought we were something too, but Commander Ren forbid me from having any relationships. It had nothing to do with you."
She nods and sighs. "Do you think we could ever be...I don't know, together or something?"
"Oh," you say, thinking about your current situation with Kylo. "I'm not really sure, I'm kind of...in a situation right now."
"There's someone you're seeing?" she asks, looking at you with a slight bit of hurt in her eyes.
"Not exactly," you say. "I'm not sure what we are, but it doesn't matter. I did like you, a lot. And, I'm not sure if I still do. I want to," you say, looking up at her.
"Then why don't we give it another shot?" she says, shrugging her shoulders.

A few months ago, this conversation was everything you wanted. You wanted to be with Rowan. You wanted her to look at you and tell you she wants you, just as she is right now. But...your heart belongs to Kylo. As much as you hate it, he's become a part of you.
"I'm sorry, Rowan. I..." you start.
"Oh. I see," she says, becoming slightly angry. "It's still the Commander, isn't it?" Fuck.
"No, I..."
"Don't try and defend yourself. The last time we had this conversation, you brought him up. Now you're saying you're seeing someone...obviously it's him, right?"
You try and say something, anything, but no words come out. She's caught you, just like Tony has. Gods, why is everyone so involved in your relationships?
"I don't see why it matters, anyway!" you say, matching her anger. "Everyone's so involved in my life. Why? What did I do to deserve this?"
"Maybe because you're hooking up with the Commander! Do you realize how insane that is to hear? Especially to me, someone who cares about you?" she says, tears coming to her eyes. "I'm in love with you."

Holy shit, this is not what you needed today.

"Rowan," you say in utter disbelief. "You..."
"Yeah. When I was mean to you? Jealousy. Because this whole time, I've been worried that my assumptions about you and Commander Ren were true. Now look."
"I don't want to hear this. I'm leaving," you say, getting up.
"No," she says, grabbing your hand.
"Enough. My life is none of your business. I may have liked you before, but everything's different now. I'm sorry. I really hope we can still be friends," you say, shaking her hand from yours.
"Whatever," she says, shrugging. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize, you did nothing wrong. I'll see you later," you say, hurrying out the door, wanting to leave this situation as quickly as possible.

You walk down the hallway towards your room, your whole body trembling. You feel like sobbing - you didn't want your relationship with Rowan to end this way. Plus, now two people know about you and Kylo, something you'd planned on keeping a secret from the beginning. Kylo. Gods, you'd do anything to see him right now. You glance at your data pad and look at the time - sure, he said not to come until tonight, but maybe he got back early?

You sprint down the hallway, trying to force the tears from falling. You push past anyone in your way, your mind clouded with pain and guilt and regret. Everything's turned out wrong - everything's becoming the opposite of what you want. Tony's onto you, Rowan hates you...you need Kylo, right now. Gods, he'd better be in his quarters.

Finally, you burst through the doors of his quarters and run directly into him.
"Oh," you say as you back up, grabbing his arm for balance. "You're back early."
"Yes," he says. "Is everything alright?"
At that, you burst into tears, and he quickly takes you into his arms. He brings you close to his chest, wraps his arms around you, and lets you sob heavily. He tightens his hold on you as he picks you up and carries you into his bedroom, where he lays you down. You continue to sob as he brings you close to him, hugging you to his chest. You breathe deeply, allowing your body to melt into his arms. You breathe him in as you try and relax.
"Do you want to discuss it?" he asks. "What's bothering you?"
"I guess," you say, sniffling. "One of my friends hates me."
As if he can read your mind, he says, "Is this Rowan?"
"How do you remember her name?" you ask, confused.
"I remember most of what you've told me since you've arrived."
"Oh," you say quietly. "Anyways, we had a fight. I don't know, I don't really want to talk about it, I guess." He nods and pulls you back in. You could stay like this forever, tucked under his arm.

Eventually, you realize you're supposed to be training.
"Oh, did you want to train today?" you ask, wiping your tears from your cheeks.
"No," he says, reaching over to wipe the rest of your tears with his gloved hand. "You need rest. Come back tomorrow morning."
"Alright," you say, sitting up and fixing your hair. You then climb off of his bed and turn to face him. He stands up, walks over to you and takes your hand. He places his lips lightly on yours, tenderly kissing you. Your heart flutters - you love when he's rough, sure, but when he's sweet, it makes you fall in love with him all over again.

You say goodbye and walk slowly out of his quarters and down the hallway. You suddenly remember your hangout with James and Myra and a small bit of excitement flutters inside of you. You haven't had a hangout with your friends in a while, so it'll be nice to finally catch up with them. And yes, although you may have once loved Rowan, things have changed. You'll have a try and let go, and focus on the other people in your life - James, Myra, and especially Kylo. Gods, what would you do without him? You may have cursed Master Derk for giving you this position in the beginning, but now, you can't imagine your life if you hadn't met him. Thank the stars you did.

You hurry down the hallway, now eager to see your friends. Yes, Rowan may not be there for you anymore, but at least you have some people who are. You smile as you think about your event for the evening and about Kylo's arms, tightening around you as you melt into him.
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NOTES:
aw my poor reader-character - heartbreak! but i LOVE writing soft kylo, he can be so sweet sometimes. only eight chapters left...what will happen? haha. thank you for reading! love you always.