My Allegiance (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 20: I Get a Choice

INTRO: Come on, Kylo.

-note before reading-
*tw*: toxic relationship, choking: not sure how to categorize this, but please see my "NOTES" section at the end of this chapter for more information.
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"What the fuck!" you yell as you jump out of Kylo's bed, hurry out the door, and try and find him in his endless quarters. Who does he think he is? He can't just leave me like that, it's not fair. Sure, he has a 'power thing' or whatever, but seriously?

After searching what seems like every room in his quarters, you find him studying something on a conference table in one of the outer rooms.
"You're kidding me, right?" you say, hugging your bare stomach.
"You seem to have forgotten," he says. "I decide."
"You decide what? Everything? I don't get a say in anything?"
"We've been over this. I can't allow you to get too close to me."
"Too close to you? Look, I don't know what kind of stupid game this is..." He cuts you off with his gloved hand wrapping around your neck forcefully.
"Like I said," he growls. "You need to mean nothing to me. I use you as I need you. You have no say. I train you, you listen. The same goes for..." he stumbles over his words, not sure what to call your 'relationship.' "...Whatever this is."
You feel tears welling up in your eyes and Gods, you feel stupid.
"Why do you have to treat me this way?" you say, your voice breaking. "Do I mean nothing to you? After you've let me into your life? After I've stayed here, stayed with you? Do I mean nothing?"
He sees your pain, but doesn't acknowledge it. Instead, his hands tighten around your throat.
"You need to," he starts.
"But I don't," you growl, finishing his thoughts, your anger pouring into him. He roars in anger, letting go of your neck and in turn causing you to lose your balance for a moment. You rub your neck, flinching at the bruises from earlier.

"I don't know what kind of sick, twisted game you're playing with me," you say. "But it ends now. Tell me. Do I mean anything to you?"
He meets your eyes. If only you could read his mind like he can read your emotions. It seems unfair that he has this kind of advantage on you, this kind of power.
"Yes."
"Well, you've got a horrible way of showing it," you say. "I'm done being your toy. I'm finished with you teasing me. That's over. I have a say."
He nods, looking at the ground, almost in shame.
You advance on him, gently pushing him by his shoulders into a seat against the wall.
"I get a choice too," you say, leaning over him. "Besides, I'm going to be ruling by your side soon, aren't I?"
"That's correct," he says.
"Yes," you say. You move closer to him and sit on his lap, your legs spread around his waist so that your chests are touching. "You don't control me," you whisper, resting your fingers on his lips and looking deeply into his eyes.

You grab one of his hands and slowly pull his glove off, not breaking eye contact. You take his glove and slide it onto your own hand, adjusting the thick material to fit you. You carefully slide your gloved fingers around Kylo's neck, leaning into him as you tighten your grip. You slowly rock your hips into his as you continue to grip his neck, his eyes wild.

"You think you decide," you scoff. "Not anymore." You lean into him, roughly pressing your lips to his, allowing your tongue to explore the inside of his mouth. He moans into you, his hand meeting your waist to pull you closer. You ease the tension around his neck, and instead focus your attention on your hips. You move them faster, driving them harder into the thick fabric around his waist. Lust shoots through your veins, your heart racing with this new power you've given yourself. He plays with the clasp of your bra, attempting to unbuckle it. You pull away from his lips, and look at him contempt.
"You want me?" you ask playfully. "Tell me."
"I want you," he says.
You lean into him, your lips inches from his. "More."
"I...want you," he says, still struggling with the clasp. "I need you."
"That's better," you say, reaching around your back to undo the clasp yourself. You pull your bra off and throw it to the ground, then lean back to allow him to take you in for himself. His eyes roam around your chest, his excitement evident in his eyes.

He reaches his hands up in a motion to touch you, but you grab his hands before he can.
"Remember," you whisper, quoting him. "I decide what we do, too." You reach up and bite your glove, mimicking his motions from earlier. You rip the glove off with your teeth, then playfully throw it in his face. You get up off his lap, and bend over to pick back up your bra and put it on.

He stands up, clearly confused at the whole situation. You don't mind - you've shown him exactly what you've always wanted to. For so long he's controlled whatever it is that you have, and it feels amazing to know you've finally taken back some of this power he seems to have on you.

You walk back into his bedroom and put on that dress he told you to wear - you almost feel like burning the stupid thing, it just reminds you of how he made you feel like an object. But, hey, you've taken some power back, so why not reclaim this dress too? You walk out of his room, proudly wearing the dress, despite what it stood for. Because, no, he doesn't have control over you. You've shown him that by giving him a taste of his own medicine.

"I'll see you tomorrow," you say. "But remember, Commander. You may have power over an entire star fleet. You may have power over every general on this ship. But you don't have power over me. You don't get to treat me like I don't matter." You run your fingers over his chest lightly, making sure to maintain eye contact. "Because clearly, I do."

He smirks as he takes your hand. "I'll see you tomorrow."
You let go of his hand and walk out of his quarters, down the hall, and eventually into your room. Holy shit. Did I just do that? You've wanted to 'talk back' to Kylo since the day you'd arrived. Now that you have some power over him, you're more confident about your role in this whole 'job' - fuck that 'I use you when I need to' shit he was telling you about. If that's what he wants, he can find another Empress.

You take off your dress and place it back in your wardrobe, then pick up your data pad to check to see if any messages have come through. You almost faint as your eyes scan a message on the screen: "New Message: Tony Sanders." You quickly tap the screen to open it, your heart beating out of your chest.

"I've been informed of an encounter between you and General Hux. If you have forgotten, he is my boss, and keeps me updated on the general daily events of the Finalizer. This is how I get my main data to provide for the Resistance. He informed me that you were sneaking around the Command Bases and carrying books out of them. I should not have to remind you about your job here and how suspicious this appears. I am one more run-in with you away from informing Master Derk of your behavior here. I suggest you change your actions, and quickly."

You don't know what to think, what to feel, what to say. Why does he care so much? That's it. You've had enough of his shit. You've taken care of the power Kylo has over you, now it's time to take care of Tony. You throw your data pad on the table and stay up late into the night, figuring out how to fix this.
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NOTES:
*tw details*: this chapter deals with the power dynamic between kylo and the reader-character. in the beginning, kylo displays abusive behavior. please know my intention is never to romanticize abuse. in the next few lines, the reader takes back her power and stands up for herself. but please understand that this relationship is toxic. in this fictional space, these kinds of topics can be safely explored, but are not healthy or safe in real life.

-chapter wrap up-
HELLO so i love the powerful reader-character stuff! i think it's cool to have her finally stand up for what SHE wants. also we're at chapter 20 which is insane. ten left! thank you for reading!