My Allegiance (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 8: Inside Your Mind

INTRO: He's all you can think about. Why, though?
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You sprint down the hallway alongside James, pushing past everyone in your way. You don't even notice who you pass - your mind is set on your final destination. You and James dash into the flight control center, surrounded by chaos. Well, maybe chaos is excessive - but there's a general commotion about the center.
"What happened?" you ask a passing General.
"Our lead controller is unconscious," he says. "She fell from the ramp - seemed to have fainted."
"Oh Gods," you whisper. "Can we help?"
He shakes his head. "The workers at the Medbay are inside assisting her. Probably not the best idea right now."
Your heart skips a beat. Rowan's in there. No, you try to shake the thought from your head - Rowan hates me now, remember?
The general walks away and you and James are left, clueless. You spot General Arkins in the distance, and tug James' arm.
"Let's see if he knows anything," you say, and you both run up to meet him.
"We heard about Myra. Have you seen her?"
"I was there when she fell. She hit her head pretty hard. She was talking about how stressed she was before we walked up the ramp - poor thing was shaking like a leaf."
"Can we see her? A general over there said not to, but..."
General Arkins smiles. "I can get you over there. Probably not the best idea, but I'll give you both a pass." He walks away to talk to another general, who gives him a nod.
"She's being taken to the Medbay," he says. "We can meet her there."
You and James follow Arkins up the ramp where Myra fell and your stomach turns at how high up the ramp is from the ground. You pass the room Myra was supposed to be working in, which is now filled with other flight controllers, frantically trying to make up for Myra's absence. You continue following General Arkins until you arrive at a long, metal enclosed hallway to the entrance of the Medbay.

"They'll ask you why you're here, just say I sent you." You and James thank General Arkins and continue down the hallway to a tall steel door. When you walk inside, a worker comes over to check you both in. You let them know that General Arkins sent you, and they lead you back into a closed off room. They draw back the curtains to reveal Myra, lying on the bed with her eyes half open. When she sees you both, her eyes widen.
"Hey guys," she says, confused.
"We heard about the fall and wanted to check in on you," you say quietly.
"Oh," she says. "Yeah, I hit my head on my way down. Ugh, it's so painful right now," she says, clutching the back of her head.
"We won't stay too long, we just wanted to see if everything was alright," James says softly.
"Everything's fine, but what happened was super weird. It's almost like I felt something push me before I fell."
You and James look at each other. "Who was with you?" you ask.
"I didn't get a good look. Mainly just my other controllers and a few workers from the landing base."
"So weird," James says. "We can look into it if you want."
"No, no need," she says, readjusting her pillow. "Look, I love seeing you guys, but I need sleep. Can we talk more tomorrow?"
"Of course," James says, and puts his hand on your shoulder to lead you out. "See you later."
"Bye, Myra," you say, smiling at her. No, you haven't forgotten about her outburst the last time you saw each other - but why hold grudges? She was probably just stressed.
You and James walk down the halls of the pristine Medbay center. It's so different from any other space you've seen on the Finalizer so far - the walls are mainly white, with glass panels on the walls into some of the other rooms. You glance around the room for Rowan, and luckily, you don't see her. You don't need that kind of stress today.
"I really like her," James says blankly.
"Who, Myra?" you ask, having zoned out.
"Yeah," he says. "She's kind, and sweet, and, well, I don't know. Something about her."
"James, talk to her," you say. "I bet she'd love to go out with you." You leave out the detail about Myra having a massive crush on him.
"I doubt it," he says.
"No. When she gets out of the Medbay, you should really tell her," you say. "What's the worst that could happen?"
"You're not wrong," he says, smiling. "Okay, you've convinced me."
"Good!" you say, jostling him. You two have formed an almost brother-sister friendship, which is nice. James feels like the first guy you can actually trust.
You exit the Medbay and decide to grab some dinner with James. You walk to the Mess Hall, and grab a plate of unidentifiable food, once again. You find a table, and start to eat. James talks to you about his adventures in being a radar technician, but your mind keeps wandering off to thoughts of Kylo. Your mind is consumed with the memory of his face near your neck - his force hold on you sending streams of lust through your veins. Your infatuation with him overtakes your brain. Your head pounds, almost as if you're in the midst of a terrible headache.

That's when it hits you.

Kylo Ren is inside your mind, too.

You interrupt James's sentence about a control panel he fixed with your arm banging down on the table, having slipped from its position of being propped up against your forehead. You jump, not expecting the loud noise that accompanies it.
"Sorry, James, I, uh...I have to go," you say, in a panic. He's inside my mind. He's inside my mind.
"Oh, is everything alright?" he says, a worried look on his face.
"Everything's fine, I'm just not feeling well. I'll see you tomorrow." With that, you dash away from the table and hurry down the hallway, trying to get to your room as fast as possible. When you arrive, you lock the door behind you and fling yourself onto your bed, clutching your forehead from the pain of your headache.
"Shit!" you yell, your head pulsing. Kylo seemed angry when he asked you why you were in his mind, and now you understand why. It's painful as fuck.
"What's happening?" you whisper to no one. He's inside my mind. He's inside my mind. You keep repeating this over and over until your mind comes to terms with it. So what, he's inside my mind? I'm in his. But what does that even mean?
This pain, this awful headache, must be the bond you felt on your first day working for him, when he first read your thoughts. Never have you felt so connected to another human - now you know why. Some sort of force bond is connecting you - but only through pain, it seems.
Maybe it's when we're both thinking of each other? Or when one thinks of the other? You try and rationalize this to yourself, but no real explanation comes to mind. You want to go to his quarters to figure it out, but decide against it. You're not sure your body can take another force choking.

You try and convince yourself to fall asleep, to get rid of the headache, and to try and forget about Kylo. You reconsider sneaking out to his quarters, hungry for any piece of him. But you come to the same conclusion as last time: he doesn't want you to. You want to respect his boundaries, but it's hard to when he's taking up a ton of space in your mind. Thinking about him hurts, but so does trying to forget. Your brain continues with these thoughts as you slip into a deep dream: a dream about Kylo rubbing up against you, the heat of his body warming you and wrapping you in a passion haze. You dream about his face, his neck, his body, him. If you thought he'd taken over your daily life, he's taken up more of your subconscious. Your mind creates details about him you never knew you'd noticed: a scratch on his hand, the shadows on his face, the way he walks. His essence traps your mind in a never ending spiral of him.

When you wake up, you feel almost disgusted with yourself. And now, you have to face him. You look at yourself in your mirror and try to fix your hair - it's a tangled mess from a night of tossing and turning. You grab your data pad and take one last look at your bed, your safe space away from the outside world. You sigh, and lock the door behind you as you step into the hallway, ready to face him.

NOTES:
here's a shorter chapter for today, i hope i was able to capture the inside of the reader-character's mind. speaking of which, yes, kylo's in her mind too! for reference, kylo and the reader-character do not have a dyad like rey and kylo do in the movies. you'll have to wait and see what they do have ;) anyways love u and thanks for reading!