My Allegiance (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 15: What You Need

INTRO: You've finally reached your last day on Dagobah, and it's felt like an eternity since you've seen Kylo. Gods, are you eager to see him.
*tw* choking
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The next morning you and Myra return to Koisk Base to hear Master Derk lecture your group once again. Today, he reviews the Jedi Code as well as refreshes you on how your assignments are to be done. You hear the classic 'violence is to be used for defense' talk, as well as the 'proper use of the Force talk,' and after what feels like a lifetime, he dismisses your group for a break.
"I'm kind of ready to go back," you tell Myra. She looks up at you, her eyes wide with surprise.
"You're joking, right?"
"No," you laugh. "I wish I was, but...I kind of just wanna get back to my job."
Myra looks puzzled, and takes a moment to try and form the right words.
"Is it...well, this might seem stupid, but...is it something to do with the Commander?"
You almost faint.
"Oh, Gods, Myra, no, I..." you start, but you have no clue what to say. "I'm just bored here, is all."
Myra nods, but you doubt she believes you. You debate confiding in her about Kylo, but...no, it probably isn't the best idea. You aren't totally sure you can trust her.

Master Derk calls your group back, and finally, it seems like it might be the end of his meetings. He goes on and on about how important these assignments are, and how much we need to be taking them seriously. After another two hours, he dismisses you. You glance at the time and see that you still have three hours until the transport arrives, so you and Myra decide to take a trip around your old training grounds.

You and Myra walk out the back door of Koisk Base into the warm afternoon air. She leads you down a path to a large, flat area of land that you remember training on during your first few weeks of training. You smile, the memories flooding back: the first time you held a lightsaber, the first time you used the Force, the first time a Master expressed their approval...you were so inexperienced then, but so excited to learn. You wish you could feel those kinds of emotions again - excitement for what lies ahead of you.

"Let's grab our old sabers!" Myra squeals, running inside the small storage room. At Koisk Base, they have a few training lightsabers that they allow the Padawans to use. You run inside behind Myra and find the lightsaber you trained with before: a blue saber with a silver hilt, with circles of metal spiraling around the end. Myra grabs hers: a green saber with a gold hilt.

Once you both are back outside, Myra switches on her lightsaber and gasps.
"I've missed this!" she says, swinging it around masterfully. Myra is strong with the Force and much more advanced than you are - you still don't know how you're in the same rank, or how she isn't higher up.
You switch yours on, trying not to laugh at how light it feels compared to Kylo's hefty one. You swing it a few times, feeling the familiar Light Side energy radiating off it.

Myra runs at you, laughing, her saber swinging around her. You hold yours up in defense, and you both begin a mock lightsaber duel. You both are laughing the whole time, especially when Myra accidentally knocks you to the ground.
"Shit!" you yell, giggling. You brush yourself off and stand back up, turning the lightsaber off. "You're amazing."
"Oh no," she laughs. "Lucky, I guess."

You walk back to the storage room and place your lightsabers back, being careful to put them back exactly as you found them. Technically, you weren't supposed to have been touching them at all, but who's gonna know the difference?

You decide to head back to your room to get some alone time before the trip back to the Finalizer. You enter your room, your heart feeling heavy. You're so conflicted - yes, you love this lifestyle. Dagobah, the Jedi, all of it. It's felt like your 'path' ever since you can remember. But, Gods, why is the Dark Side so appealing? Of course, you don't see yourself turning, but if you continue training to be Kylo's Empress, you'll have to eventually, right? You lie down on your bed and close your eyes, wanting desperately to shut out the world. You wish you didn't have to make this choice - Kylo, or what's right?