My Allegiance (Kylo Ren x Reader)

Chapter 27: Your Decision

INTRO: Time to make a choice. Holy shit...time to make a choice?
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You wake up to a message from Kylo: "Come in later tonight. Your friend, Tony Sanders, has been promoted to the position of my personal engineer instead of General Hux's. I am taking this morning to train him. See you tonight."

You sigh. Gods, you missed him yesterday, and now you have to wait until tonight? But, you're glad that Tony got a higher position. As much as you hated helping him, at least now he'll be off your back, right? He better be.

As you look around your room, you replay moments from your assignment in your mind. As you think about your meetings with Kylo, your hangouts with Myra and James, and your overall First Order life, your mind drifts off to your choice. You've been avoiding it, and yes, although it's been floating in your head for days, you've never fully confronted it. Until now, that is.

I need to decide, right now. Your heart wants you to stay with Kylo, of course. You want to continue this job and become his Empress (which is now almost a week away), but how?

You think back to something Master Derk told you at your last visit during his long hours of lecturing: if you want to leave at any time, you can. He told you that a transport can be sent out immediately and General Arkins can sneak you out, if necessary. Of course, you don't want to leave...

But if you stay on the Finalizer, then what? You become the Sith Empress...but what will your friends think? Master Derk? Your entire path as a Jedi will be ruined, you will have betrayed your friends completely, and everyone will know it. Gods, you wish you'd thought this through before you started your training with Kylo, but you were so beyond infatuated with him that you didn't. You thought with your heart, and look at where it's led you. As you continue thinking about it, it becomes apparent that you don't have a choice. You have to leave the Finalizer. Living with the guilt of betraying your friends has become unbearable, and you don't want to hurt them further. If you stay, they will know. If you leave, you can pretend that none of this ever happened.

But what about Kylo? Can he take this pain, the pain of you leaving? You shudder, wanting these thoughts to leave, but you know that you have to think them through. As of right now, he expects you on the throne by the end of next week. He loves you, he needs you. You can't bear the thought of hurting him. But...is it worth it? Is being his Empress even realistic?

That's it. Your choice has been made for you.

You have to leave the Finalizer.

You erupt into a fit of tears, turning over in your sheets and curling up, wishing the world would go away. You're seeing Kylo tonight...your last time seeing him, ever again. Gods, you wish this isn't how it has to be, but you can't stay here. Not with you constantly betraying your friends, or becoming Kylo's Empress, which might cost them their jobs.

You sob into your pillow until you drift off into a dream state of tossing and turning for hours.

When you wake back up, your face feels sticky from your now dried up tears, and you feel lightheaded from your nap. You slowly move your covers aside to stand up, but you barely have any energy to do it. Slowly but surely, you swing your legs over the side of the bed so that your feet touch the ground, and you stand up. You walk over to the mirror and pull at the bags under your eyes, wiping away the tears. You run your fingers through your hair and put on some makeup, which you haven't done in a while. The brush feels foreign to your face in a way, but it makes you feel more like yourself.

You look at your data pad and realize you've slept the entire day away. You sigh, and grab a snack you stole from the Mess Hall from off your bedside table. As you eat it, you grab a short red dress that you haven't worn yet. You've always loved it, but never found an occasion to wear it. Now seems perfect: this is how you want Kylo to remember you.