Mutuals

[52]

It's been 5 minutes and I'm still staring at my phone because I don't know what to say to him. If we do end up having the conversation it's going to end in tears for me.

My phone buzzes again and it's a message from Adam

Yo how you feeling today? - Adam❤️

I saw him today and he texted me saying he wants to speak - Me

Oh yeah he said he was going to go see you - Adam❤️

Wait you knew? - Me

Yeah - Adam❤️

And you didn't think to tell me?? - Me

You would've avoided him and I think you need to speak to him - Adam❤️

Why? - Me

If not for anything else for closure - Adam❤️

Yeah but I'll end up crying because there's no way we're getting back together - Me

Even if you do cry, at least you'll get to say whatever you need to get off your chest - Adam❤️

I hate it when he's right

I'm doing this for myself but when do you want to meet? - Me

Tomorrow at your place? - Harris

Time? - Me

4pm? - Harris

K - Me

I go to bed wondering the millions of ways it could end tomorrow

🕒

Unconsciously I dressed cute because I wanted him to see what he was missing out on and currently I was sitting on my sofa distracting myself with the TV.
I looked up at the clock, it was 2.03pm. Yeah I got ready 2 hours before he was coming over because I'm a clown.

The two hours surprisingly passed by fast and before I knew it he was knocking on my door. I took a deep breath and opened the door.

He was dressed in black jeans and a simple white tee with a black bomber jacket and classic white airforces. His hair was messy but cute, a few strands resting on his eyelashes as usual. His lips were pulled into a weak smile to the side of his face so his dimples were showing faintly. My eyes travel down to his hands where he's holding two brown paper bags.

"I brought waffles" he smiles sheepishly
I open the door wider and let him come in before closing it. He takes off his jacket and hangs it at the entrance as he usually would've and makes his way over to what used to be his usual spot on the sofa.

"How are you?" He asks as I sit down on the opposite side which gives me flashbacks to when we had a similar conversation after I came back from Kaisar's wedding
"Fine" I reply looking everywhere but at him
"Look at me" he demands softly and I hesitate but look at him

"I'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart, I am so sincerely sorry I honestly didn't mean to hurt you that way" his eyes hold regret and I know he's actually sorry but it doesn't change what he did
"You have no idea what it was like, I was with my whole family and we were waiting for you to come and you made me look like a mug in front of them all" I reply almost sneering at him
"You're right, I don't know what it was like but the only thing I can do is apologise and if it means you'll forgive me I'll keep apologising"
"Harris, apologising isn't going to take back what happened, you left me heartbroken after you said you wouldn't ever leave me" I feel my bottom lip quicker and I swallow hard because I promised myself I wouldn't be weak in front of him

He sighs, "...I know what I did Zara and I'm stupid I know..." he looks down at his feet, "...what else do you want me to do?"

He looks helpless
But I don't care
He brought this upon himself

"What I want is an explanation, it's the least you can do for me"
"An explanation for what?"
My eyes go wide, is he dumb?
"Harris are you fucking dumb? An explanation for why you decided to leave me the day you were supposed to come for a rishta" I almost shout

He stares at me silently for a moment

"I wasn't ready" he says simply
"But you said you were?" I ask, "it was your idea"
"No Zara it was your mum's idea and you just went along with it"

For some reason that triggers me

"Actually no, she mentioned the idea of a wedding and forgive me for thinking of you straight away. Ever since we've been together all you could talk about was how we were 'meant to be together' and how we'd get married one day and you get the chance and run?!" I was practically seething right now
"I didn't run" he mumbles
"You came to talk and you aren't even talking" I say flopping my hands in my lap because I was about to give up
He looks up, "alright shut up and listen to me, don't speak okay?"

I scoff and he raises an eyebrow at me so I nod my head suddenly feeling about the size of a pea

"I was serious about you I swear to god I was but i don't know I woke up feeling like I couldn't do it and I didn't want to go into marriage with you not feeling 100% about it" his weak attempt at an apology makes me sick

Savage but the truth

"Okay but you woke up knowing you didn't want to go ahead with it yet you waited until you were nearly an hour late to get your brother to ring me to tell me you couldn't do it anymore?"
"You're making me sound like such a shit person Zara"
"I'm just saying what you did?" I shrug
"So what? Are we fixing this or not?" He asks and I laugh
"What is wrong with you?"
He gives me a confused look
"Your reasoning for literally breaking my heart was that you just woke up not feeling it and you're asking if we're getting back together now?"

He doesn't say anything

"Let me put it into perspective for you" I say shuffling in my seat, "I cried for two days straight, I felt shit every night for four months wondering why I suddenly wasn't good enough for you. You left with no explanation an-"

I feel a lump in my throat and my eyes are brimmed with tears threatening to fall out any second

"Don't cry" he says hesitating to come forward but he doesn't, "...please"
I swallow hard but a tear falls out anyway

"I promised myself I wouldn't tell you this but you actually broke me" I say with no emotion

My glassy eyes meet with his, full of regret, and I know what's running through both of our minds

How are we supposed to fix this?