Who Is Lucas Ryker O'Riley?

45. HEELS ON DISPLAY

That night, after everyone had gone home, I was in my room, putting away my new things things when I received a Skype call.

I looked over at my laptop screen and saw that it was Mandy.

Knowing I had to talk to her about us and what was going on with me, I almost answered the call, before I made the decision that now wasn't the right time, and ignored the call.

No sooner than the ringing ended, Dave stood in my doorway, and called my name.

"Carla?"

"Yeah, come in. What's up?" I asked as I turned around and hung a dress in the closet.

"What happened to you today?"

Dave took a seat on the edge of my bed, next to my two new pairs of shoes. I saw him look down at them, shake his head, and look back up with a look of disapproval, or was it disgust? No, maybe it was just disappointment on his face.

"What do you mean," I replied as I walked back over to the bed and picked up a skirt.

I placed it on a hanger and then held it up to myself so I could see how it looked. Of course I already knew how it looked, I had tried it own earlier. I only did this in front of Dave for show, while waiting for his reply.

I smiled internally.

"You went shopping with Beck this morning and when you returned you were a different person, a very different person."

"No, I didn't." I countered while hanging the skirt in the closet. "I mean, yeah, I went shopping with Beck, but I came back the same person I was when I left."

"Yeah okay. Look, my new sister, who was still the same person as my brother, only becoming a little feminine and starting to wear girls clothes and live as a girl because that's what what her body is telling her, but otherwise basically the same person, left this morning, but didn't return. Instead, an ultra-feminine hottie, a real head-turner without a trace of a former male life showed up. The pierced ears, these heels, a seriously too skimpy two-piece bikini, getting cozy with Jeremy and what the fu- letting him put lotion on your back?! You'd never have allowed that before . . . What happened?"

"Nothing happened."

I opened a drawer to put away my new hose. Dave stood up and saw the fancy, lacy, black bra mom had bought me a few days ago.

"Really?" he asked holding the bra up as proof, then added, "and hose too?"

I snatched the bra and package of black hose away from him, stuffed them back in the drawer, and quickly closed it.

"Like I told you before, this is who I am now. I'm sorry, you have no choice but to get used to it. I'm a new girl trying to figure out who I am and where I fit into this new role. I know you might think this isn't fair to you, but try to put yourself in my shoes."

When I said that he glanced down at my new shoes on the bed.

"No thanks. I got no interest in your shoes."

"You know what I mean. Think about what this is like for me. What if it had happened to you? Have you looked at it from my side, a boy who discovered his body was starting to go through female puberty and he could no longer continue to live as the boy he'd always known himself to be or do you only think about yourself?"

I retrieved my new shoes from the bed, moved my football trophies to one side of a display shelf on the wall, and arranged the sexy three inch spiked-heel tan suede pumps in the newly freed-up space.

I could tell Dave was trying to suppress his feelings, to keep from hurting me, but I knew he really didn't like what I had just done, moving my football trophies aside and replacing them with the high heels.

I guess, to him, it was symbolic of my new persona pushing my old male self, the person he knew and loved, aside and replacing it with my new girly life, which he didn't understand.

I placed my new ankle boots underneath the edge of the bed.

"Look," I began as I took a seat next to Dave on the bed. "I wasn't getting cozy with Jeremy. Okay?"

"What do you mean 'you weren't?' I saw you. You let him straddle you and rub lotion all over your body."

"Okay yeah, I guess I did. That wasn't my intention when he came over. Never crossed my mind."

"But you didn't stop it from happening. You didn't tell him no."

I crossed my legs, and leaned over, placing my head on Dave's shoulder as I continued to explain.

"When he laid down next to me, he asked about my life, and all these questions came flooding to my mind."

"Wait, so he knows," Dave interrupted.

"No, he doesn't. He was just tying to make conversation with a girl. But, I began to ponder some of his questions and wonder how I really wanted my life to be now that I'm a girl. I couldn't answer some of those questions, I don't know what I want. I'm sorry if it creeps you out, but I am curious. What if I do like boys? How will I know if I don't explore my options, right?"

Dave dropped his head. "I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I, I can't even began to understand what you're going through, but I suppose you're right. I know you didn't choose this, nature chose it for you, but that doesn't make it any easier for me to wrap me head around."

I put my arm around his shoulder and looked up at him. "Look, I don't think I'm ready to date a boy right now, actually I don't think I want to date anybody. Who knows what could happen tomorrow, but for now I know I just wanna figure myself out first."

Dave looked at me, "Okay, but what about Jeremy? You were leading him on. Believe me, if a girl let me do that to her, I would know that was a sign she was interested in me. In his mind, he's sent the ball to left field and thinks he's well on his way to first base."

"No, I think made it clear to him that we could be friends, but that's it for now."

"Oh no, so you friend-zoned him? Poor guy."

"So you're saying I was wrong either way?"

"Oh no, you did the right thing for you. It what you had to do. I just know how he must feel knowing he's friend-zoned. That's all."

At that moment I got an idea of how to change the subject, while also showing Dave he wasn't loosing me. I quickly hopped up from the bed and challenged him to our favorite thing to do together outside of being on an actual football field, a game of college football on the video game console.

"You ready to get your a-double-s whooped, again,? And by a girl, I might add," I asked, hopping up off the bed.

I grabbed his hand and pulled his arm. "Com'on, Dave, college football in the family room, now. Let's go, unless you're scared. Bawk, Bawk..."