Who Is Lucas Ryker O'Riley?

56. HELP ME UNDERSTAND

We all said our goodbyes just as the sun was starting to drop below the horizon in the distance. Jeremy and Lisa headed home and Dave and I headed inside to order dinner delivery.

We got on the computer in the family room and ordered a half-pound of beef brisket, a rack of ribs, fries, and a bowl of Brunswick stew, before settling down in front of the video game system attached to the 90 inch nanocell 8K family room TV.

We quickly loaded the game and chose our teams.

No meaningful conversation was had between Dave and I during the first quarter. We were too busy fighting over who was going to win, shit-talking if you will.

With two minutes left in the first quarter, the score was already 14 - 10. I was down by four, and in position to score a touchdown when the doorbell rang.

Dinner was outside on the porch.

"Touchdowwwwwnnnn! 14-16, sucker. 17, soon as I score this field goal," I boasted.

I easily put the football through the goalposts, then paused the game to go retrieved the food.

Dave opened up the food containers on the coffee table and I retrieved two plates, forks, and spoons from the kitchen and we began to eat.

Once we had taken a couple bites, we started the game back up, continuing to take bites in between plays.

Several plays later, I dove right into the conversation we both had, until now, been avoiding.

"So, Dave, about what you saw today. What did you think?"

"Boom, touchdown," Dave yelled as his quarterback crossed into the end zone.

His team set up for the field goal.

"Well, I didn't like seeing you flirting with Jeremy, especially after you just told me you weren't interested in him. Seeing you with him before worried me, but then you assured me you weren't interested in him or any other boy. What happened? Why? Why the sudden change?"

"Ha, you missed the field goal . . . Look, I know I told you that, and that's what I'd prefer--"

"Okay, so . . ."

I paused the game, sat my controller down on the floor next to me and took a bite of food.

I then replied, "It's hard to explain where you'll be able to really understand, but there's this nagging curiosity inside me that needs to know whether I might wanna dating boys or not."

"You don't already know?"

"I thought I did, but now I'm not so sure. I don't know where it's coming from, but it's on my mind and I can't get rid of it. It's all I can think about. I had a dream last night that made me question whether anything I thought I knew about myself was actually true."

I took a bite of the warm, buttery, thick, crunchy, Texas Toast I has wiped through a puddle of the delicious smoky BBQ sauce, and continued," I mean, I am a girl and I'm starting to develop a bit of an idea about the kind of girl I think I'd like to be."

"Well," Dave mumbled, barely loud enough for me to catch it.

He then quickly shoveled a large fork full of brisket into his mouth.

"No, I am. Look at me. Sure I have a penis, but I also have boobs and a vagina and the female hormones are dominating my body. I'm going through female puberty."

"I know. I can see it. It's obvious, you're a girl." Dave commented with his gaze directed at my chest, before shoveling another large fork load of meat in his mouth.

"Not only that," I continued, "I've already had a period, for crying out loud."

"Wait, wait, wait. You WHAT?!?" He quickly fired back as he continued to avoid eye contact, just as he had since the conversation started.

"Once again, TMI! F*ck! Have you no filter?"

I grinned and took a bite of stew, then calmly asked," Why did you react the way you did when I came out in my new swimsuit?"

Dave took a deep breath and clinched his eyes shut for a moment before responding.

"It made me uncomfortable. That swimsuit is skimpy, sexy, and very flattering to a girl's body. The kind of thing you want to see a girl in, well any girl but your own flesh and blood. So, it shocked me to see you like that. I didn't want to think of my brother like tha--"

"Sister," I jumped in to correct. "You gotta get that out of your head. I'm not your brother any more. Still your best friend, of course, but not your brother."

"Sorry. What I'm saying is no guy wants to think about their sister, or even worse, in this situation, their brother turned sister, looking so incredibly sexy. It's bad enough that you have girly curves, but then to be wearing a suit that shows those curves off? Look, I'm still trying to wrap my head around the idea of you being my sister, okay. It was dropped on me out of nowhere. You gotta understand how difficult this is for me."

"Both of us," I corrected. "I need you, actually we both need each other more than ever right now."

At that moment an idea came to me.

"Hey, I got an idea. I think I can help you understand what this is like for me. Well, not exactly, but maybe a little. You game?"

"If it helps me understand you better, yeah, I guess."

"Do you trust me, completely trust me?"

"Wait, what's that supposed to mean? What you got in mind?"

"Well, it's dark out and I was thinking maybe we could go swimming in the dark and you could wear the swimsuit I had on today and I'll wear the red one."

"Hell naw. No way."

"Why not? Don't you want to even try to understand what I'm experiencing? Please? No one will see us in the dark."

"The grotto is lit up."

"Yeah, in different colored, underwater lights and colored accents in the vegetation. It's not that much light, so if anyone were to see us, they'll only see black silhouettes. No one will be able to see who we are or tell what we're wearing. Come on."

Dave took another big bite of food.

"Come on, Dave," I continued to plead.

He took a big swig of sweet tea to wash down the big bite of meat and I stood up.

Holding out my arm, I offered him my hand.

"If you're too chicken just say so."

Dave finally relented.

Taking my hand, he stood up, "Okay, fine. If it'll help me understand you. Besides, I don't want saying 'no' to come between us and hurt our relationship."