WORDS (Book 1) [COMPLETE]

1

Chapter 1
10 Years ago

Mama"Uthini na wena?"
Me"Nsfas will take care of it"
Mama"Uyifumene imali?"
Me"Not yet, I founda job though"
Mama"Doing what?"
"Lelona Mde! Wenza ntoni kwelo Kapa?"
Me"I am hurt that you don't trust me, and I work for this agency, we clean houses"
"Nope, it doesn't interfere with school"
Mama"I'm not happy about this"
Me"We need the money"
Mama"It's my job to worry about money, yours is to focus and chase after your dreams"
Me"I know, I promise this is not a distraction"
Me"Now let me clean this house and I will call you tomorrow morning"
Mama"I love you Lele"
Me"I love you too Mama"
Mama"I am proud of you"
Me"Ndakwazi nge drama, bye baby girl"

Someone once asked me if I am happy and I laughed until I cried, not because I found the question funny but because I didn't know how to answer it. I was happy, the last time I spoke to my mother. She died that day, after her funeral I was left with nothing but the Jersey I wore to her funeral. What happened to her clothes? Her sisters divided them amongst each other without even consulting me. I was suddenly alone in this world, so when my friend asked me if "I'm happy" I didn't know the answer.
 
1 year later (9 years ago)

Anelisa"Lona"
Roomza wam, I don't think I would have survived my first year without her. After my mother passed away she became my family, I never went back to PE, I didn't have a reason to go back.
Me"Hey"
Anelisa"Are you working today?"
Me"Yes, I'll be done before 5pm"
Anelisa"So we can go celebrate my birthday?"
Me"Hahahaa, yes we can, I promise I won't try. I will dance until I fall"
She looked at me and I smiled.
Me"Okay I'm lying but I promise, we will have fun tonight"
Anelisa" Okay "
I smiled
Me"Okay"
"I need to go"

My day was quick, I cleaned and did some ironing, then I did some studying in between. My boss arrived while I was busy with packing their clothes, she smiled at me and offered to make me a sandwich.
Me"I had something earlier, but thank you"
She nodded, I excused myself to go finish what I was doing. The children came back from school, sorted their mess up then got ready to go.
Mrs Menner" Are you ready?"
Me"Yep, I just need to take my phone from the charger then we can go"
She drops me off at the bus stop, then gives me R300 and busfare this is excluding the money I receive from the agency.
Me"Thank you, I will see you guys on Tuesday"
Mrs Menner"Be safe, by Lona"
She drove off, the bus arrived 10 minutes later. When I got to my place, Anelisa and her friend were already there.
Me"So what's the plan?"
Anelisa"Are you working tomorrow?"
Me"Nope, I'm all yours this weekend"
Musa"I was worried you'll say you are busy"
"So you are fine with the plan?"
Me"What plan?"
Anelisa"Kysna Lona"
Me" Don't shout and yes, what am I packing?"
Musa"Shorts and two bikinis"
Me"okay, how are we getting there?"
Anelisa"Musa and I will be driving, we have to pick up Bahle but we should be there around 1 am"
I didn't wanna ask anymore questions, or point out how dangerous it is for 4 girls to be driving alone. Instead I hurried the process, I packed my things, we left to fetch Bahle and we were on the road.
Bahle"Music, we need music"
I played Tonight by Summer Walker, we all loved her music so I knew everyone will sing along.
Anelisa"Should we stop at this garage or just go?"
Me"Hamba, these stops are delaying us"
Bahle"Who else is joining us?"
Anelisa"Some UCT boys, Musa's boyfriend and his friend. Think there will be 12 of us"
Me"We will have places to sleep?"
Musa"Yea, wait until you see the house"
After having trouble with finding the house, we finally caved in and called Musa's boyfriend. He said they'll come to us, we drove back to some garage to buy snacks and airtime.
Bahle"Are you okay?"
I smiled at her
Me"I am, this weekend isn't about me"
Bahle"Has he called?"
Me"No, and it's okay wethu. He really moved on"
Bahle"You'll find someone else"
Me"Or stay single, buy cats and design them a house, hell maybe build it"
We both laughed
"I am okay, I promise"
The problem with high school sweethearts is that when you get to Varsity and they always manage to break your heart. Lwazi and I both moved to Cape Town together, we had all these plans, graduate then get married. Have children then move back to PE. He dumped me 3 months into our second year, apparently I was just not the girl he fell in love with. I'm curious then how do you know when you've changed? Do you just take everyone's word for it or is there something that happens or shifts?' how come I can't tell when I've changed but someone else can tell that I've changed?. It always feels as if I am in the Matrix and everyone else can tell that something has changed within me but I can't. I'll admit I'm a bit angrier than before maybe also bitter but I don't think I've changed I've just grown up.
Musa"Let's go Lona, they are here"
We all paid for our things, Musa's boyfriend is exactly who he thinks he is. It was hard to not be charmed by him, he was your textbook private school black guy. We arrived at Thesen Island and Jesus!!!. I'm sure this house was once on Top billing. We went to put our bags upstairs then Anelisa suggested we go join the guys by the pool instead of sleeping. We all changed then went outside, the vibe was amazing. We played games, got to know each other a little. I was yawning, Musa's boyfriend laughed. He would kill me if he ever heard me referring to him as that, I do it because it annoys him and I love annoying him.
Me"I need to sleep"
Bahle"Right behind you"

I changed to my pyjamas and finally checked my WhatsApp. And there it was; Lwazi's text. I finally decided to open it.
" I have written this 1000 x, and each time I have to send it to you I delete the message because I feel as if words could never explain what went through my mind that day. We rushed into things and things happened tragedy happened and Tragedy took from us and I felt as if you needed me to be something that I wasn't ready to be. You needed someone who will assure you that everything will be ok, and that there was a reason or a purpose for our loss. And I wasn't ready to be that person. I tried, really I did. Some days I felt like when you were drowning you dragged me with you, you needed an anchor and what you never realised is I also lost when you lost your mother. I lost you Lona, you were never the same and I was only 19. Even now I can't, because if I am honest with you. I just stopped loving you and it felt like I owed you. I felt as if you needed me to be ok, I couldn't be happy on my own because I would come across as selfish. That was pity not love, I am sorry Lona. Maybe one day; when we are both matured, when we both have healed from all this pain. Maybe we will find each other again, but right now, I just can't. I love you, and if you ever need a friend, I am here for you"

Sigh