WORDS (Book 1) [COMPLETE]

Motherhood

Chapter 26

"Mommy"
I looked at them, all three of them. I have three humans that depend on me, each day they they are waiting for me. I cannot even go to the toilet without one of them joining me. Claire and I had a little argument last night because she wanted me to scoot over so she can share the toilet seat with me.
Me"Mommy is praying"
Connor stood there with his bear in his hand and a pacifier in his mouth. My little angel, I love him too bits, I really do but out of all my children he has to be the most dependent. Xavier was chilled as a child, Claire cried a lot but she was her Daddy's favorite so she was always with Nathan but Connor is my little nugget. From the day I gave birth to him, he was my last born nyani. We did everything together, it was cute at first but I miss being alone. Sometimes Nathan would take them out alone, but as soon as they come back they are asking me for things. Like I am really responsible for three human beings.
Claire" Can we pray with you"
Me" But you need to be quiet"
They both sat next to me, I closed my eyes and started to relax. I think I am the problem because how dare I think this was even possible.
"Mommy, I don't like the smell"
She doesn't like the smell of incense sticks.
Me"Go to Daddy, I will join you soon"
Claire" Can we have ice cream?"
Me"Can I pray first then we will do whatever you want"
Connor" I want the beach"
Claire" Me too! Can we ?"
I blew out my candles and left them in my meditation room, I needed to fight with Nathan.

"Babe, why are they up so early"
He was watch Sports highlights with Thabang. Wait
Me"Why are you here so early?"
Thabang" What are you wearing?"
Nathan laughed
Me" I was praying! I'm suppose to be praying!"
Nathan" Why are you shouting?"
Me" Because your children are in my meditation room complaining about the smell, they want me to take them to the beach"
"I haven't prayed Nathaniel Montgomery-Rhodes!"
He could tell I was annoyed, I literally only want an hour to myself. Just to meditate and get some yoga done.
Thabang" You need to r..."
Me"Why are you here?!"
Thabang" It's Sunday dumass! We are going hiking!"
I forgot, I really forgot about self care Sunday.
Me" Fuck, I forgot"
Nathan" You will have to take Connor with you"
Me" No, I take Connor to work with me and all I ask is one day without him"
He laughed
Nathan" Well good luck with that"
When I say I take him to work I mean it, we are always together. I am starting to feel like Norma Bates from the Bates Motel.
Me" Nope, I'm ditching him, if he cries just play Marsha and the Bear"
"I'll quickly shower and ditch these suckers"
Nathan" Lele, that's not fair"
Me" Take care of your children Sir"
Nathan" Your dress looks stupid"
Me" Fuck off Bill Bates!"
Nathan" Said Erykah Butthole"
I laughed
Me" You are stupid hahahaa"
I went to take a shower, then quickly got dressed and I checked if the coast was clear. I used the kitchen door. Then called Thabang.
Me"Phuma, ndiphandle"
"Tell Bill Gates I love him"
He came outside and we left, I knew Nathan would be pissed but it's just Claire and Connor, Xavier is with Andrew for the weekend. My husband isn't big on spending time with his children. He loves them but he prefers it when I am also around to help out. He always travels, I am always with them. I don't feel guilty about this tuu.
Me" So what's the plan?"
Thabang"We could go hiking or just Day drink"
Me" Day drinking"
Thabang" I agree with you"
We went to Pick n Pay to buy meat and some alcohol then we went to his parents place. No was home, his father is never there. I always imagine why and I think maybe the house is just not the same without his wife. I would also move out if Nathan would pass away, he bought that house for us, it has memories and I just can't imagine my life in there without him.
Me" Start the fire and I'll braai for us"
Thabang"That's a plan"
"Prosecco?"
Me" With Vodka"
Thabang" I raised you right"
We both laughed, I needed today. Some adult time, I was enjoying every minute of today. We ate, drank and danced. Not sure why we started dancing but we did, we were laughing and venting.
Me" So where is she now?"
Thabang" She went to Plett with the children"
Me" And you stayed behind?"
Thabang" Yea, Bahle never wants me to see her at worst and nam, I don't want to force her to do something she isn't comfortable with"
Me" You are her husband"
Thabang" And you are her best friend but she didn't even tell you"
Me" I thought she was cool with her mother"
Thabang" Nope, Bahle doesn't talk, she bottles up everything. Your ex told me that her mother disowned her because she disgraced her by getting a divorce and then getting pregnant out of wedlock. Her parents are part of a cult! That's not a church! That's a fucken cult!"
Me"But I don't get it, if her father is that sick, why aren't they allowing her to see him?"
Thabang" They disowned her Lona, the fucked up part is they take her money but they don't want her"
"Some Christians they are"
Me"She never told me this"
Thabang" She won't, she is ashamed. Uyamazi unjani"
"She is acting like everything is fine, she took the children and went to Plett"
Me" How sure are you that she is in Plett?"
"I've known Bahle for years and there is no way she would not say goodbye to her father. She loves her father"
Thabang" She has no reason to lie"
Me"She knows you'd stop her"
He grabbed his phone and made a call, judging by his face it went straight to voicemail. He kept on pacing around.
Me" Call Lwazi"
Thabang" No, I am not doing that, she is my wife. There is no way I am getting another man to sort out my family problems"
"I have to go"
Me" I can't let you drive while you're drunk"
Thabang" You are just as drunk"
Me" Exactly"
We both laid our heads on the grass
Thabang" Is this suppose to be helpful?"
Me"Not sure"
Thabang" My wife sucks"
"She is lucky that I love her"
Me" I'm sure it's the other way around. You are lucky that she is your wife. You almost married Musa"
He kept quiet
"Ever speak to her?"
Thabang" Who?"
Me"Musa"
Thabang"Sometimes, she is a Mom now"
Me" Yours?"
Thabang" No"
"Wtf! I've never cheated on Bahle"
"Since we got married"
Me" Nice save"
Thabang" I thought Musa was the one"
"I fucked that up. Like I don't even know why sometimes, I often think I wasn't ready for a love like that"
Me" Do you love Bahle?"
Thabang"I love Bahle, I think she doesn't believe that. So I spend everyday trying to prove it but it gets exhausting sometimes. She doesn't communicate, and when she does I always say the wrong thing but my intentions are good. I don't know what goes wrong but I love my wife"
Me" I know"
"I think Nathan and I never recovered from Claire's kidnapping. We just went autopilot and just took it from there, sometimes I think when I went to get help for my mental health, he had already checked out of the marriage but he stayed because he felt guilty and then Connor happened, I know I might be wrong but I don't know if he is still mine"
Thabang"He loves you"
Me" Love alone isn't enough, you know we don't do dates, we never do anything together anymore. He checked out of the marriage and I am just there, carrying the both of us. It gets exhausting Thabang"
"I can't divorce him, I have 3 children, that's a lot for me to handle and still work. So I fight for my marriage and I am losing"
Thabang" Have you told him?"
Me" I don't think I have it in me to be called paranoid, treated like the village idiot when we both know the truth"
"I am taking the children to PE next weekend, Yanga just turned 30, he invited Bahle, Solly and I"
Thabang"Yea, she mentioned that. I don't think you should take the children with you. Let him take care of them. Go have some fun without Connor following you around. Stand your ground and let him pull his own weight too"
"Get your hair done, nails and whatever else. Do some shopping and go have fun for the weekend. You deserve it"
Me" He will die with those kids"
Thabang" They are his kids too. Let him die"
"On a lighter note; think I am sober again"
Me" Yea, me too"
Thabang" A shot of Vodka for the road?"
Me" Yes"
"Remember when you get to PE, you not there to shout at Bahle for lying but there to support her"
Thabang" Okay"
Me" Did I drive here?"
We both laughed because I don't think I was sober.
Thabang" I think I should sleep this off"
I nodded
"I'll try Bahle one more time"
Me" Babes, I should get going. I'll take your car"
"Call me when you get sorted"
Thabang"Call me when you get home"
Me"My home is literally down the road from here, let's just walk to my house that way we will sober up quickly"
Thabang" Good idea"
We took our things and we walked, we started singing, he threw up and so did I when I saw him throw up.
Thabang" Abelungu won't be happy with you"
Me" I married abelungu, so I'm cool"
We got to my place and I punched in the code
Thabang" Why aren't you wearing shoes?"
"Oh yea, I threw up on them"
He laughed, we went inside, he went straight to his room and I went to take a shower.

"It's after 10pm Lona"
Me" We got carried away"
Nathan" I can tell"
Me"Can I sleep?"
"I really need to sleep, I have a meeting t 9 tomorrow"
Nathan" Okay"
Me"Hold me"
We cuddled, I could fell myself drifting to sleep.
"Mommy"
I opened my eyes and Claire was standing on my side of the bed with Mr Elephant.
Me" Mommy is tired"
Claire" Can I sleep with you tonight?"
Before I could even answer she was within cuddles with me.
Nathan"Did you have a bad dream sweetheart?"
Claire"Nope"
Nathan and I realized that during Claire's kidnapping, it's like she never experienced any trauma. She never had nightmares, she would just ask us for "Zama" or "Yaya" but she never not once cried on went through all the things that I thought she would. Then Nathan and I wondered why she was dehydrated and starved when she returned to us, if she never went through anything traumatic stress. The psychologist once said "children are quick to replace unwanted memories. Unlike adults. And because she knew Zama as a Nanny, she never felt as though she was in danger because Zama was like a second mother to her" she was fine and that really bothered me a little.
Me" Goodnight baby"
Claire"Goodnight Mommy"
"Goodnight Dad"
Nathan" Goodnight pumpkin"
She was quiet and I assumed she was sleeping.
"Mommy, can we go and get milk for me"
"I'm hungry"
Me" But it's late now Claire"
Claire"But I'm not sleepy"
Me"Wake Daddy up"
Claire"I want you"

Motherhood