WORDS (Book 1) [COMPLETE]

The closing words

Chapter 30

Part 1: Nathan

Before you decide on a divorce, everyone around you feels the need to ask "Are you sure?". I never understood why they do that. It's a divorce, you don't throw away years of marriage for no reason af all. You weigh all your options, you fight for the love and you try everything to fix what's broken. The more you fix though, the more of a mess things become. So you stop, let yourself think and you let your mind rewind. You let the memories flash.

*First date*

"Do you want children?"
I never expected that question from her, she always made me nervous. Yet at that moment, I was sure about what I felt for her. 
Nathan" Two girls"
Lona"Why girls?"
Nathan" I don't know but I just don't want boys"
"How about you?"
Lona" I want to a family, I want one boy and two girls, I don't want a big house. I just want enough room for us"
"And Thabang"
We laughed.
Nathan" I want that with you"
Lona" What?"
Nathan" I want to get married, have babies and make you happy for the rest of our lives"
"This can we our family home"

The memories come at you like a wave, so you let yourself ride the good memories. The laughter, the smiles, you think of the promises that you made to each other. The promises you made to God, the times you've regretted breaking all those wedding vows.

*Tragic times*

"Claire is missing. Where the fuck are you? Lonz is going crazy over here!"
I read that message a million times before I snapped and looked at my surroundings. Kamva and Anelisa were both still naked. I got dressed and Kamva was the first to wake up. 
Kamva" Where are you off to?"
Me" Home."
I took my car keys then called Kelsey my assistant. 
Kelsey" I'm at the house already"
Me" Where did you say I am?"
Kelsey" I said you were in a meeting"
"Are you nearby?"
Me" Yea, will be there in five"
See the thing about hard times, they last longer than you anticipate. It doesn't matter how much money you have, pain has a way of finding you and bringing you to your knees. That's what it did to me; the first three months after Claire disappeared were hell. Lona and I drifted, she was in the wine cellar most of the time and I was fucking around a lot. We both blamed each other. 
Lona" I don't want this baby"
We could finally agree on something. 
Nathan" I'll make the appointment"
We both tried surviving after the abortion, but hell, it too came with it's own problems. She worked, drank and cooked. She cooked everyday, she didn't say anything but she never missed a beat when it came to cooking. So I sent Xavier away, it was what's best for us at that moment. 
Lona" You took my son away from me"
Nathan" You are not okay Lona"
Lona" Says who? You barely speak to me! You get everyone to come and check on me but you don't say a word to me"
Nathan" What do you want me to say? You want me to admit that I blame you for  Claire's death?"
Lona" She is not dead!"
"You just gave up"
Nathan" And you haven't? You are not okay"
She looked at me, then gulped the glass of wine. 
Lona" I am okay"
Nathan" You are a drunk! That's not okay!"
Lona" What is it Nathan? What bothers you so much? That I need to be drunk to look at you or that alcohol is what keeps me sane and not you?"
"Which one bothers you! You let them take my baby"
Nathan" And you killed mine! You have killed two children without any sign of remorse"
She threw the class at me and I ducked but it hit my shoulder.
Lona" I did what was best"
Nathan" For you"
Lona" You were fine with it"
Nathan" Because I know you Lona"
Lona" If you know me so much then why can't you tell when you've humiliated me? Why is it so easy for you to do things that make everyone laugh at me?. Or you know me but not when it comes to your dick?"
Nathan" I'm not doing this with you, not right now"
She jumped up then pushed me against the wall. 
"You want to hit me? Who are you?"
She was trembling, she started crying.
Lona" I hate you!...I hate you so much" 
Nathan" The feeling is mutual"

You think and ask yourself if the good outweigh the bad. You think of the children, how will they cope with the separation. So you fight again, you shove your feelings to the back and you start again. You love your wife, you love the shit out of her just to see your children happy. You have sex, you start thinking maybe everything is good again.

*The in between*

Dad" Where is your wife?"
Nathan" She is meditating"
Dad" And the children?"
I laughed
Nathan" With her, they always join her"
"She hates it but I think she has gotten used to it" 
Dad" Have you told your wife about the move?"
Nathan" No, she applied for a promotion at work and if she gets it, we are staying Dad"
Dad" You neee to oversee this, I can't trust anyone else with this"
Nathan" And I will but Lona has sacrificed so much for me, this is the least I can do for her"
"I will tell her about Free State, but Dad I am not doing this to Lona again. We are finally in a good place again" 
He poured himself some whiskey and sat on the chair.
Dad" Why can't she just work for us?"
Nathan" She doesn't want to work for us and I'm not going to ask her to do something she isn't comfortable with"
Dad" What about your dreams?"
I scoffed
Nathan" Come on, Lele is always supporting me, even when I don't deserve it. There is no way I am going to start a war over this. If she gets the job, I will get HR to advertise, or we get Ashley to do this. She is ready Dad but I can't make any decisions until Lona gets feedback" 
We had a mini staring contest then shook hands. 
Dad" I'll respect that"
Nathan" Thank you Sir"

It's strange how life goes, you can try something new. A new way to fix whatever was broken but somewhere along the way things go completely wrong. Things are said in the heat of the moment, then suddenly there is no turning back. Everything that seemed to be fixed becomes broken again. 
Lona" I'll sign the papers" 
She looked like she had been crying and that broke my heart. I never thought we would really get here, I know I have told her a million times to get away and just divorce me but I never thought it would actually happen. 
Nathan" Why? Why now?"
" What changed?"
Lona" I love you Nate, but I can't anymore. We bring out the worst in each other. This was suppose to be different but we are just drifting apart everyday. I can't wait for you to hate me, I can't watch you fall out of love with me. This hurts, so you go, move to Free State. Do whatever that makes you happy, I will sign and you'll be free" 
She wiped her tears, I honestly loved how she thought her signing the divorce papers is her freeing me. 
Nathan" You stopped meditating, you stopped burning sage. You stopped being you, I have noticed how I have suffocated you and put you in some box. I never wanted you to be miserable Lele, I don't know how to make you happy. I really wanted to be the husband you deserved but so much happened. I lost my way back to you, and each day I watched you die inside. I can't be responsible for that"
"You keep the kids, I'll see them under your conditions. I hope you one day forgive me, I pray that you forgive yourself too"
She looked at me
Nathan" And maybe, we can try being friends again"
"I love you Lelona Montgomery Rhodes" 
She smiled. 
Lona" I love you too Bill Gates"
We laughed
Nathan" Fuck off, Jhene Aiko"

We hugged.