WORDS (Book 1) [COMPLETE]

It's complicated

Chapter 27

When it's all said and done, you look back and wonder if it was all worth it. If the decisions that you made were the right ones. So you rewind, you go back to the day you met, the first kiss, first fuck, first fight and you look for the signs or warnings. Whatever red flags you seem to think you ignored then, during those moments you wonder if it was really love or just lust.
Nathan" So you are just going to PE for the weekend?"
Me" Yes"
Nathan" And the children? "
Me" You are here"
Nathan" I have a lot of work to do Lona and it was your idea for us to not have a helper"
Me" That's not fair, you are never here, I take care of them without ever complaining and now I am asking you for just one weekend Nate"
Nathan" You never complain?"
"All you do is complain!"
Me" I don't want to fight with you Nathan, I am tired of fighting you. I can't anymore"
I shrugged
"I don't think I have it in me anymore"
Nathan" What does that mean"
Me" I'll take my children"
"They are mine after all"
I was fighting all the emotions, I didn't want to cry anymore. I have cried way too many times, I don't want to anymore.
Nathan" No! Because when you get to your friends, I will be labelled as the bad parent! You will bad mouth me!"
Me" You have this chip on your shoulder, you keep projecting, and I am done taking it"
He stared at me
Nathan" Lona!"
"I have the chip on my shoulder?"
He laughed
Me" Just say it"
"Bring it up again because you never miss the opportunity to remind me"
Nathan" That's your thing! You are the unhappy one, not me and yet I am the one who is acc..."
Me" You cheat! You cheat and I don't why, and you just don't see what it does to us"
Nathan" This again? How many times are you going to use that against me?"
"I haven't done anything since Claire returned to us!"
Me" I don't believe you Nathan"
"I don't think you are telling the truth"
Nathan" Then that's on you not me, I can't walk on eggshells in my own house"
Me" Imagine how I feel, you ruined my life! You made me this person and now you make it seem like I am crazy for thinking that you could cheat on me!"
"You made me like this!"
Nathan" Then leave! You can leave any time, you are not some prisoner! Go!"
"You remind me of my faults at every given opportunity"
Me" You...y..ou.. "
I put my hand on my mouth because I couldn't believe this was us. Nathan and I were happy, we were happy. This right here, I just couldn't understand.
Nathan" I am trying but you have to meet me halfway at some point"
I wiped my tears, I tried to compose myself.
Me" Do you love me?"
" And before you answer, I need you to be sure"
The door opened and Connor stood there with Claire and Xavier behind him.
Xavier"Mommy"
I wiped my tears then fake a smile
Me" We are all going to Tshepo's house"
"Claire go take Mr Elephant and your pyjamas, Xavier you'll help and meet Mommy by the door"
I didn't wait for Nathan to say anything, I just took Connor's hand and went to his room. I took his bear and his favorite pacifier, I need to get rid if this thing.  We all left for Thabang's house. When we arrived he wasn't there, just Bahle and the boys. The children were so happy to be together. They were all running around. I think they even forgot the screaming match they heard.
Me" Can I get something for my headache?"
Bahle" Yea, I'll bring it to your room"
"Lona"
I knew what she wanted to ask
Me" Nam andiyazi"
I went to bed, she brought the pills and we sat together.
Bahle" I'll cancel our flights for tomorrow"
Me" No, don't"
I bit my bottom lip, a part of me wished tomorrow I will wake up with him next to me and we will be okay again. This can't be it, I don't think this is the end for us.
"Everything will be fine"
I said with a smile while tears streamed down my face.
Bahle" Okay"
I nodded
Me"Okay"

"Uhleli?"
Hearing Thabang's voice just made me want to cry.
Me" Yea"
Thabang" Move over"
I scooted over for him and he got in bed with me.
Me" He wants us to move"
"I have been working so hard, I take Connor with me to work, I just got the biggest promotion and he knew I wanted it. Now I have to give up my things and move for him again"
Thabang" Niyaphi?"
Me" Free state, they acquired a new mine and he has to oversee everything"
"Thabang am I wrong? I feel like his dreams are more important than mine"
Thabang" I can't comment on this one because you are both my friends"
"But Lona, did you tell him about the promotion?"
Me" I did, he encouraged me to apply for it"
"I don't get it, yhuu.. sometimes... I just feel like I am trapped"
Thabang" I told you hamba, go to PE and have fun nawe"
Me" Abantwana? I can't hire a nanny"
"It's not an option"
Thabang" Lona"
Me" No, asoze"
"Claire was taken from me! Asoze!"
Thabang" You can't keep on doing everything alone"
Me" I am supposed to have him"
Thabang" He oversees Rhodes industries now, that's his job and it's not easy. I don't think he likes not being with his family but that's his legacy, he has to take care of it just like many before him did"
"I doubt Nate knows you got the promotion Lonz, I know because he would never ask you this if he knew that you got the job. He can't read your mind and just like you can't read his, but I'll tell you something; he is drowning and he feels alone. We can all support him but we are not you, yea he is an ass but Chap, so are you"
He held my hand
Thabang" You can't keep bringing up the cheating and then claim to have forgiven him. You can't call him a bad father and then shout when he is not sure if being with the kids all weekend is a good idea"
Me" You said I should go"
Thabang" And I stand by that; but I also said you need to speak to Nathan. You guys being here right now, I don't support you just walking out and talking the children with you. That's not cool, we don't use children to fight wars"
Me" He has humiliated me so many times, I don't know how to forgive him"
"Kamva, Anelisa, Kelsey, Lisa and whoever else. He made me like this and I don't know if I can ever recover from it"
Thabang" You can divorce Nathan, Lona it's okay, you are not forced to stay with him though"
Me" Our prenup states that in case of a divorce, he gets full custody and I get school holidays"
"I can't divorce Nathan"
Thabang" Why did you sign that?"
Me" Because Xavier was getting on my nerves, it was before Claire and Connor. It was meant to be a joke"
Thabang" I know Nate and he would never do that to you"
"Do you even want a divorce?"
Me" I don't know what I want, but I don't want to move and I want Nate and I to be okay again"
" I love him Thabang"
Thabang" Yea but this isn't healthy Lonz"
"I hope you guys work things out, you know the two of you are my third favorite couple"
I laughed
Me" Only third?"
Thabang" have you met Solly and Viwe?"
Me" Hahaha they are even cuter than Bahle and I, those two could write those annoying books about marriage and I would buy it"
"Actually they could help you"
I hit his shoulder, he was laughing.
Me" We are cute too"
Thabang" Wena do you honestly believe that?"
"Nanku Erykah Badu udyola no Bill Gates! Haaaahahaha sudlala"
We both burst out laughing at the idea of that.
Me" I hate you shame mna"
Thabang" Sana, ingxaki zakho zinitsi"
Me" Hahaha! Yayiva?"

The following day I woke and took a shower, then looked for my clothes, I hate that I only have shorts and oversized shirts here. I went wake up my children then we went home, Nathan was on the phone.
Xavier" Can we go watch a movie?"
Me" Let's have some breakfast first"
Xavier"Mommy"
I looked at him
"Can we help?"
All of them looked at me.
Me" What's a house called in IsiXhosa?"
He didn't even bother answering, he just left the room. My Xhosa lessons have been going so slow with him.
Me"Indlu!!!!"
I made them breakfast, I bathe Connor and Claire, Nathan was still on the phone. He then had a video call, two of his interns arrived. I let them in then went to watch a movie with my children, we watched Mr Bean. That was cut short because Connor wanted Peppa Pig, so we ended up watching that. I don't like Peppa, she is rude and mean. Quite bitchy too. I left them after a while to go pack for my trip, our flight was at 5:30.
"Hey"
I looked at him then smiled
Me" Hey"
Nathan" How are you?"
Me" Good and you?"
Nathan" Yea, me too"
"Thanks for breakfast"
I just nodded, I tossed some panties to the bed and bikini options.
Nathan" When are you backing back?"
Me" Sunday night"
"I arranged with your Aunt, and she will take the kids. I'll just pick them up on my way back"
Nathan" Are you driving to PE?"
Me" No"
"I'll drop them off in Ceres then drive to the airport"
I went to the bathroom to grab my toiletries. He sat on the bed watching me, I was finally done packing, did my make up and wore a white off the shoulder that has puffed sleeved, high waist ripped jeans and black 10 inch black stilettos. I fineshed my look with nude brown lipstick.
Nathan"Lele"
Me" Yea?"
Nathan" Can we go out for lunch?"
Me" On Monday?"
Nathan" No, I meant now"
Me" I can't, I have to drive to Ceres remember?"
He nodded
Natha" You don't have to do that, we can all go out for lunch and drop you off at the Airport. The kids and I could go visit my parents for the weekend"
"I'm sure they would love to have them over"
I nodded, I wasn't arguing anymore. Ndim yekile.
Nathan" I'll get dressed, then we can go"
I nodded, I went to the movie room to tell the Minions we were going out for lunch.  We spent the afternoon as a family, the kids were having so much fun, I was happy that he suggested this. Him and I didn't say much to each other, we took photos together and with the children.
Me" I have to go"
Nathan" Yea, we will see you Sunday"
I kissed everyone then looked at Connor, he looked like he was about to cry.
Me" Mommy will be back"
Nathan took him from me
"I'll video call as soon as we land"
Xavier was the first to notice Thabang and Bahle, they were with Viwe and Solly.
Thabang" Lona!"
"Take care of my wife!"
Viwe" You are dramatic"
Nathan came to give me a hug.
Nathan" Have a great weekend"
Me" I'll try"
We looked at each other. I waited for him to kiss me. He didn't, I knew everyone was staring at us, so I fake a smile. Kissed Connor then hugged Xavier and Claire.
Me" See you soon"
Nathan" Okay"

Not "I love you" he said "okay"